The 30 Signs Of Psychological Abuse In A Relationship

In my consultations, when I observe signs that a situation of psychological and emotional abuse I usually use a series of questions that I have them take home as homework.

The goal is for my patients to assess how many items on that list are met, only during the week remaining until the next session. They must write down next to each question, the situations and dates in which these behaviors occur in order to create a record of the dimensions of the problem.

Identify camouflaged psychological abuse

It is striking that a high percentage of my patients, upon reaching the third or fourth appointment, come with a high degree of anxiety, since they become aware of the situation of psychological abuse in which they find themselves, and Most of the criteria were assumed to be “normal” issues that occur in a relationship

This is one of the most damaging aspects of psychological abuse: since it is not physical abuse, it is more difficult to detect and identify as something that should not occur in a healthy relationship. That is why it is very necessary to take time to reflect on the extent to which we are experiencing or reproducing forms of psychological abuse.

The 30 signs that your partner may be psychologically abusing you

This is a brief list of types of behavior that serve to identify cases of psychological abuse in a couple. They are posed in the form of questions so that they are more accessible and easy to relate to each person’s experiences.

  1. Do you control the money you spend? Do you have to ask your partner for the money? Do you ask permission when buying something, whether for yourself or for the house?

  2. Does it tell you how to dress? If you go in a way that he doesn’t like, does he get angry with you for it and you decide to change your clothes? Are there clothes that you no longer wear because you know that someone doesn’t like you to wear that way and you’re going to have problems because of it?

  3. Does he get angry if you spend more time on your friends or family than you think is necessary?

  4. Do you have sex even if you don’t feel like it because if you don’t, you get angry?

  5. Count the times you do things you don’t feel like doing or with which you disagree to avoid an argument.

  6. Does it control your cell phone and your social networks?

  7. Do you have to inform him of your schedules?

  8. Does it downplay your personal or professional achievements?

  9. When you do something for your partner, do they thank you or make you feel like it’s your obligation?

  10. Do you organize your free time? Do you feel that in your free time you have to consult him on how to invest your time?

  11. When you have a problem, do you minimize it with comments? of the kind: that’s nothing, you complain about viceetc.?

  12. When there has been an argument, on most occasions do you give in even if you are right because he could spend days without speaking to you and ignoring you?

  13. If you have a problem outside the realm of the couple, makes you feel responsible for it?

  14. Does it make you feel like you wouldn’t know how to move forward if you weren’t by their side?

  15. Do you feel guilty when you get sick?

  16. If you are in public, Are you afraid to say what you think in case it has consequences with your partner?

  17. Do you often use emotional blackmail to achieve your goals?

  18. Does it remind you a thousand times of the mistakes you have made?

  19. Have you stopped telling your loved ones about your relationship problems because you know that if they found out they would get angry?

  20. Are you afraid to say some things to him because you know that his reaction may be disproportionate?

  21. Do you notice that when the same act is done by another person, they value it more positively than if you are the one who does it?

  22. Do you feel uncomfortable if someone of the opposite sex looks at you in case your partner notices and it could be the reason for another argument?

  23. Do you feel like you need their approval in everything you do, or even think?

  24. Has the way he addresses you changed, becoming imperative?

  25. Do you feel like you can’t be yourself when you are with your partner?

  26. Linked to the previous one, do you feel that even without him/her being there, when you want to be yourself you think that maybe it bothers him/her and you stop doing the things you wanted to?

  27. Does he treat you as if he were your parent instead of your partner??

  28. Are important decisions made without taking your opinion into account?

  29. Does it make you doubt your abilities?

  30. Do you feel afraid?

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Consequences of emotional and psychological abuse

Once the task is completed, and once in consultation, I assess with the victims the consequences of this psychological abuse which are usually these:

In turn, these effects of psychological abuse cause the climate within the relationship to continue to worsen even more, which has serious consequences for the victim.

Becoming aware to be able to abandon the dynamics of abuse

The first step to confront psychological abuse is knowing how to identify its signs something difficult since they are dynamics, they do not occur from one day to the next and they are subtle signals that we barely notice.

The intention of this article is to be able to become aware of this, and if we feel identified to be able to break with the emotional dependence that generates us The first step is to be able to identify the existence of psychological abuse to accept the idea that very drastic changes must occur.