The Demystification Of Romantic Love In Couples Therapy
In the lives of many people, finding a loving partner and developing a stable relationship with them is presented as a vital desire. We have seen it in movies, in historical stories or reflected in our grandparents; Life as a couple is always presented as positive and desirable. Romantic love has endured to this day as the most classic and traditional way of having a partner; perpetuating myths such as that of the better half or love for life.
Having been influenced in such a way by the overvaluation of romantic love and relationships has caused many people to have the need to find a relationship that perpetuates all of these characteristics. However, it is worth asking if a love that is based on obsession or dependence is good? Should we give everything for love? Can’t thinking that “love conquers all” be dangerous?
On many occasions, romantic love hides maladaptive, painful, and even abusive relationships In this article, we are going to talk about the importance of demystifying this tendency of thinking and the way it is usually addressed in couples therapy to completely get rid of all toxic, dependent, controlling or manipulative attitudes.
Before understanding the problematic and negative effects of romantic love, it is important to conceptually delimit what, theoretically, this relational component is. Romantic love, in essence, can be defined as a complex and powerful emotional experience that transcends the rational and, in many cases, the conscious.
It generally manifests itself in intimate relationships between couples, and has been perpetuated over the centuries, becoming a complex social and cultural phenomenon.
Romantic love embraces the idea of deep emotional connection, excessive passion, and the belief in a “perfect” partner for life. However, its foundations often loom over idealized representations that, although they may seem poetic or idyllic, can be harmful in reality Initial passion fades, unrealistic expectations trigger disappointment, and the pressure to live up to unattainable ideals undermines authenticity in relationships.
Typically, romantic love is built on cultural myths and romantic narratives that, although they may seem quaint and, above all, romanticized, do not reflect the complexity and diversity of human relationships.
The idealization of the loved one can lead to the denial of differences and limit the acceptance of imperfections. This utopian approach can generate conflicts when reality does not meet initial expectations, and we realize that a couple is not always perfect and ideal. The idealization that generates rejection of the parts of the other that do not suit us to continue maintaining that illusory narrative of romantic love, in the end prevents the true connection with the other from the understanding that provides an openness or mental flexibility and empathy, integral parts of a developed emotional intelligence.
The importance of demystifying romantic love
Demystifying romantic love is a crucial step toward building stronger, more realistic relationships. Over-idealization can generate unsustainable pressures and contribute to dissatisfaction in couples. By questioning unrealistic expectations, space opens up for genuine acceptance of the other and appreciation of the complexities inherent in relationships
Understanding that a person does not have to be “the love of our life” and that, most likely, there is no “love of our life” is very positive for lowering expectations and avoiding emotional dependencies. What defines the “success” of a relationship, that is, feeling fulfilled in that union, is not the time of its duration, but its own quality, that the relationship adds or contributes intrinsic value to our lives in an altruistic and empathetic way, without forgetting oneself, but far from toxic obsession, a product of selfishness and an emotional intelligence that is conspicuous by its absence. There are extremely toxic relationships that last until death precisely due to the dynamics of emotional dependency, and other healthy and full ones that, for various heterogeneous reasons, end up ending soon.
Demystifying romantic love does not mean stripping it of its beauty, but rather freeing it from unrealistic restrictions. It allows us to recognize that love evolves, fluctuates and requires continuous effort.
By taking a more pragmatic perspective, couples can build more authentic and resilient connections. Furthermore, demystifying romantic love has broader implications for society by challenging long-held cultural norms. Recognizing that there is no one-size-fits-all model for love encourages acceptance of diversity in relationships and reduces social pressure to fit into a predefined mold.
How is it addressed in couples therapy?
On many occasions, due to unrealistic and overvalued beliefs about love, many couples must resort to joint therapy to find solutions to their problems. Couples therapy emerges as a favorable space to address the complexities of romantic love and dismantle unrealistic expectations.
Therapists focus on raising awareness about the myths of romantic love, encouraging couples to critically examine their own beliefs and expectations. Various strategies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, are used to challenge harmful thinking patterns; contextual or third generation therapies to help develop greater awareness and acceptance of oneself, of those pleasant and unpleasant parts of one’s being, connecting with the real needs that underlie expectations, disappointments and disappointments, integrating them as part of a coherent and complete “I”. In summary, learn to connect with yourself, to be able to connect with the other
Couples therapy offers a safe space to explore underlying emotions, identify dysfunctional patterns, and learn practical skills to strengthen emotional connection. Therapists work closely with couples to build more realistic expectations, highlighting the importance of adaptability and growing together. Integrating the demystifying of romantic love into therapy not only contributes to healthier relationships, but also empowers couples to forge unique paths based on authenticity and mutual understanding.
Ultimately, couples therapy becomes a catalyst for transforming ingrained notions of love into a more inclusive and resilient narrative, adapted to the real needs of each couple encouraging negotiations and explicit agreements between related people.
In the demystification of romantic love through couples therapy, it is revealed a path to more authentic and resilient relationships By challenging unrealistic expectations, therapy enables genuine acceptance and growth together. This approach not only transforms couple dynamics, but also challenges cultural norms, encouraging diversity and acceptance. Demystification does not diminish the beauty of love, but rather frees it to flourish in its authenticity.
