I Don’t Know Whether To Leave A Relationship: Should I Stay Or Go?
I’m on a roller coaster, today good and tomorrow not. I’m full of doubts, I don’t know if it’s the time I’ve invested in this relationship, I don’t know if it’s dependency, we have hobbies in common, I feel like there’s no turning back for the years we’ve been together, I don’t know if it’s love. Etc etc.
One of the most common questions I receive in my office is the question of whether to remain rooted in hope So that’s where I suggest doing an exercise that guarantees to get us out of uncertainty. Surely you also have the doubt of whether to continue trying or not, so let’s start with this addition and subtraction and clarify.
Let’s say that you are a 100 (if you don’t feel like a 100, we will talk about it another time with the topic of self-concept). So you are a 100, you have a little bit of everything and if something is missing you are working on it. What does this person add to your life? Why do you want to be with this person?
In this list, next to the statement write -1 if it subtracts and +1 if it adds and 0 if it is completely indifferent For example, in sex, if you don’t have sex, but it doesn’t matter, you put a zero, but if you don’t have sex, but you care, then it’s a -1 because it subtracts you. Remember that you are a 100 and from that number add or subtract. Characteristics to evaluate in a relationship: (remember to use the scores)
What do you lose? What do you win? Are you inventing this relationship? It is a hope based on what? What do the numbers say? What number are you with that person? If you stayed at 100, this relationship offers you nothing and you must close this circle, if it remains, you must leave this relationship now. Now if your number 100 rose to more than 115, this is a gain and learn relationship
Now, we have already done the math and we can do everything by percentages and almost scientifically we can see the evidence. Even with reality made into numbers, do we not get the value, why? Here I present a possibility, remember that it does not have to be your case, take from this writing what resonates with you and let the rest go.
Once the math is done, if you feel powerless, there is a possible answer and it is the manipulation that your partner exercises every time you are about to make the decision Some examples of manipulation could be:
It’s all loss and you still stay? Is abuse and pain the only thing that unites you in this relationship? Negative links should be treated with a specialist. Do not neglect or negotiate your emotional reserve.
