What Are The Couple’s Most Frequent Problems And What To Do About Them?
A relationship is considered to be that intimate and close emotional bond that is created between two people. This link is a construct that is created over time, it is not magic or luck To be functional, this construct must have the three components intimacy, passion and commitment. When this is not met, a dysfunctional relationship arises and the dynamic of the couple is harmful; Added to this are the patterns (cognitive, beliefs, behaviors, culture…) of origin that each one carries with them and with them they create a new construct.
According to various studies, there are very frequent problems that generate problems in the couple’s relationship, among them are: dysfunctional communication, jealousy, infidelity, emotional dependence, sexual problems, parenting, monotony and disinterest towards the couple. In addition to the frequent problems, there are also other problems that also affect relationships.
What to do or how to deal with the problems mentioned above, the first thing is psychoeducation, but before dealing with it I want to develop the topic in an orderly manner, so I want to start by defining what a relationship is…
The emotional bond that is created between two people by their own choice is called a couple relationship, this in turn according to Stange, et al. (2017) will establish a new system, which will have its own characteristics that will relate or differentiate it from their previous systems in relation to the family of origin. Since each of them will contribute beliefs, patterns and expectations that they have established throughout their family life
In relation to this, according to Sternberg, there are three essential components for a functional relationship: intimacy, which is the feeling that creates bond and connection between the couple. This is perceived in respect, emotional support, proximity, communication and the desire for the well-being of the couple. Passion is the desire or sexual attraction, as well as the desire to share more experiences, emotions and time. Commitment is the conscious desire to maintain the union and the willingness to share your life with another. The three components already mentioned will possibly decrease with the life cycle of the couple and the couple’s greatest challenge is that this deficit does not end with love and to achieve this purpose they will have to learn new techniques and psychological strategies to maintain the flame. live.
On the other hand, Carrasco (2020) refers to the contributions of Gottman and Silver (2010) where they allude to the fact that there are 4 horsemen of the apocalypse in couple relationships : Among them are: criticism, contempt, being defensive and the bolt tactic. The more they use any of them, the couple will break down since the relationship will become more dysfunctional and different types of problems will be generated from raising children, the economic part, personal habits, interests and goals, intimate and sexual, jealousy, infidelity, social, among others.
What are the most frequent problems?
The main ones are the following:
Communication is the backbone of all relationships, both intrapersonal and interpersonal, and in a relationship, communication between the couple is vital and important However, due to the inefficiency of this communication skill, it is generally used in a passive-aggressive manner, as problems between the couple increasingly create an abyss where unhappiness grows every time.
A very common problem between couples that lack functional communication, self-esteem, maturity and responsibility. Generally, jealousy is an indicator of low self-esteem and an unstable personality, so the other’s actions will cause distrust now and if there are cases of infidelity, even worse, the betrayed person will be on alert and that will generate stress, anxiety and depression since the relationship is unsatisfactory.
This problem is very common and especially nowadays since technology contributes a lot to it by facilitating different types (sexual and emotional) and actions of infidelity. Infidelity has a lot to do with the intrinsic values and principles and self-esteem of each individual
Another very common problem in daily consultation, this is characterized by being a highly dysfunctional relationship because it is unstable and very destructive. Generally, the dependent person, due to his/her low self-esteem, will submit to the partner thinking that he/she is better than him/her because he/she idealizes and magnifies him/her and gives homage to the other, giving up everything he/she needs, including self-esteem. and her personal identity.
Life traps or schemes refer to all dysfunctional patterns that were acquired in the early stages and depending on the type of maladaptive schemes, they will go under that predominance, that is, for example, if they have the schemes of: self-sacrifice, submission, dependence they will go in search of authoritarian, narcissistic, antisocial partners…
Lifetraps play a very important role in people’s lives and in relationships, they are constantly activated, causing discord and conflicts with the partner Hence the importance of healing these patterns so that they do not affect the relationship so much.
sexual problems :
Sternberg mentions three very important areas in his theory of the love triangle: passion, intimacy and commitment. The area of passion refers to intense sexual desire accompanied by emotions and feelings towards the other.
There are various studies on the subject such as Beltrán (2023) which mentions different sexual problems such as: desire disorders, erectile dysfunction, orgasm disorders, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, dyspareunia, vaginismus and other causes of pregnancy, chronic diseases , aging, among others.
In addition to all this, other factors also intervene, such as lack of open communication, the difference in sexual preferences and cultures in relationships According to studies by Bach and Bach (2014), it is said that there are 6 factors that contribute to having a satisfactory relationship on a sexual level, among which are: the affective factor, well-being, eroticism, respect and responsibility, sensory stimuli and communication.
Rising children :
Parenting is also a very frequent problem since each one has a different criterion in relation to the parenting of origin, so they will find differences such as the disapproval of the other in the face of the children’s faults, the degree of commitment and unequal help in The different areas of education, domestic, schooling of children generally fall on the woman, which in the long term generates problems in the couple’s relationship.
As Shakira said, “It wasn’t your fault or mine, it was the monotony’s fault.” , monotony and disinterest are silent enemies in relationships. When everyday activities become redundant activities without any long-term variation, they become monotonous and that leads to disinterest and boredom in others. Therefore, the emergence of them must be avoided and that depends on the responsibility of the couple.
What to do about them?
Given the problems already mentioned above, it is necessary to become aware of their presence in the relationship. Accepting this will make one or both of you make a decision either to face and seek a solution to the problem or to ask for professional help ( Couples psychotherapists) to help them solve these problems that generate daily conflicts. Here I share some activities so that you can change and improve those problems that cause marital problems:
Communication : Both must be open to open and honest communication, I know that is very difficult since many things that they are going to hear are not entirely positive or to their liking, but it is necessary to be able to solve the problems.
Infidelity problems : They largely arise because one or both of them are being dissatisfied in some area of the couple’s relationship or the love may be fading so they try to look for another person. It may also happen that one of the two falls in love with another person and therefore cannot be forced to love the other, it must be taken into account that no relationship is forever, especially today. In any case, the only way to avoid falling into infidelity is to be honest with yourself in the same way with your partner and communicate openly.
Jealousy and emotional dependence : In both problems, I suggest working on yourself because it has a lot to do with your self-esteem, autonomy, independence and self-efficacy. The healthy human being loves his solitude, as well as sharing with others, but in order to achieve that level of balance, one must work through psychotherapy on all the shortcomings, traumas and dysfunctional patterns acquired from the family of origin.
In order to achieve self-confidence and dependency, start working on small personal challenges and you will see that you will progressively gain confidence and this will help you achieve independence and thus you will be able to take on greater challenges in your life.
sexual problems : To treat these problems, sexual education is first of all necessary, with spaces for open communication, games in such a way that both feel comfortable with it and both also feel pleased and satisfied. Now, if there are health problems out there, whether sexual, psychological, or illness, it is best to seek professional help so that you can improve your sexual life.
The life traps : It is very common for maladaptive schemes to be constantly activated in couple dynamics. These have the power to distort reality and therefore affect communication, which is dysfunctional and a relationship without good communication is not a healthy relationship because each person interprets what they think or what suits them since this interpretation is based on the life traps, their beliefs and irrational thoughts. And for that reason conflicts usually arise. For this reason, it is necessary to work on them and on the personal dysfunctional patterns of family origin because sometimes we unintentionally do a lot of damage because of this.
The upbringing : raising children is definitely not easy and that is a truth that cannot be denied, even so, she decided to assume that role of mother and father and that means being flexible, responsible, teachers or guides who will try to satisfy all the needs of their children and in that search parents often enter into daily conflict because there are no agreements or respect and rivalry for power arises between them and the children are the audience that witnesses all of this.
The role of parents is to satisfy emotional, physical and material needs, it is not their role to demonstrate who is in charge or who can do more. Your role is to educate and make your child happy nothing more and children are very happy with the simplest things in life such as: your love, your presence, your time to be with them and enjoy their stages.
Monotony and disinterest : To combat the silent enemies, it is necessary for the couple to commit to actions of innovation and creativity that nourish the relationship. For this, they can create activities to get out of the daily routine, such as taking trips together, alone or in groups to different places, nights. dating for the couple, studying relationship issues, etc.
Conclusions
In conclusion, it can be mentioned that relationships are beautiful and make people grow and experience wonderful moments and very pleasant and pleasant sensations, but in order to achieve all of this you must have built a good solid foundation based on sincere love, values and individual and common projects.
Throughout this construction process, many problems that were previously stated such as communication problems, jealousy, infidelity, emotional dependence, sexual problems, parenting, among others, had to be faced.
Each problem that arises is a challenge for the couple since the experiences nourish that relationship to become stronger and stronger or in some cases it leads to a breakup, which is also a healthy solution because both decided that it was the best. There are things that are not known. They can change like heartbreak, you cannot force yourself to love someone, much less force yourself to be with them.
The premise of every relationship is “let’s walk together and happily, but if along the way you stop being happy because of me, let me know and if you no longer want my company, that’s fine, we can take different paths, but without losing our individual happiness.”
