Is There More Trust In The Couple In Open Relationships?
In recent years, an interesting debate has been generated around the possibility of establishing couple relationship models that are different from the more traditional or common ones. These focus on monogamous, closed relationships that function under a norm of fidelity that many people and researchers are beginning to show the need to deconstruct.
Open relationships are sustained by mutual trust and involve personal work to leave jealousy behind and embrace the freedom of possibilities and establishing connections with other people, without this threatening or breaking your relationship. Every relationship is unique, whether open or closed, but one of the most important components for a relationship to work is communication; Limits must be correctly established that ensure the well-being of everyone.
Many people wonder if maintaining an open relationship means having more trust in your partner, although there is a whole current of critical thinking with open relationships that thinks they are a way to take advantage of your partner and their trust in order to maintain other emotional relationships. -sexual. Any relationship can function incorrectly and cause harm if constant communication is not established, seeking to correctly manage the emotions of both parties.
In this article we are going to talk about open relationships, trying to understand if they increase trust in the couple and in your own self-esteem, by fully trusting yourself and avoiding constant comparisons with other people. There are many ways to love and have relationships, and all of them should be respected. We recommend that you enter this article with an open mind to understand these types of links!
An open relationship is one that is established between two people who have a main relationship and reach a mutual agreement to open and establish other types of relationships, normally focused on the sexual component, with other people without this implying a reason for infidelity or mistrust. . As we have been commenting from the beginning, the most important component of open relationships is communication.
In order to maintain these types of relationships, It is essential to establish defined limits on what each person wants in the relationship ; What may be an open relationship for one couple may not be for another. Limits are subjective, and may be set in sporadic sexual relations, planned encounters, or simply kisses without commitment.
Open relationships are not as new and emerging a phenomenon as we may think. The truth is that There is a record of these alternative ways of relating since the 19th century linked to the anarchism of the time, in addition to having a special echo in the counterculture of the 60s and especially in relation to the LGBT community, a pioneer in experimenting with more open and flexible relationships. In recent years, coinciding with the increase in awareness of emotions and the importance of taking care of mental health, many people have begun to open up to this type of ties, experiencing that “they are missing something” by building closed and exclusive bonds.
Basically, like all types of relationships, open relationships are based on a mutual agreement, a kind of “contract” in which the conditions on which the established bond will operate are established. Each agreement or set of rules can be different depending on the relationship, giving rise to a whole set of possibilities for developing open relationships. You can agree with who you are allowed to interact with outside the couple, with whom you are not allowed, at what times, in what places, what type of relationships you are allowed to develop…
In short, open relationships mean everything an exercise in assertive communication and trust ; If there is no open, two-way communication that serves to express each person’s emotions honestly, the relationship probably will not work.
Differences with polyamory or relational anarchy
There are concepts or ways of relating linked to open relationships but they must be differentiated. These are polyamory and relational anarchy. Polyamory refers to the construction of horizontal bonds with other people besides the main partner ; It is not exclusively linked to sexual relationships, but there can also be romantic relationships, always having one (or more) main partners.
Relational anarchy, for its part, is conceived as a lifestyle policy that proposes applying the principles of social anarchism to relationships This means breaking with classic relational categories and building relationships far from normativity, power structures, authority and control mechanisms.
Some important differences between open relationships and these alternative forms of bonding are:
1. Degree of infatuation
Normally, open relationships refer to sexual exclusivity, putting the limit on the construction of other emotional ties more related to falling in love In polyamorous relationships or in relational anarchies, bonds of love can be maintained with several people at the same time, usually with the knowledge of all parties.
2. Degree of privacy
In relation to the above, open relationships are generally limited to opening the possibility of having sexual intimacy, while polyamorous relationships are based on building romantic bonds and not based exclusively on sex.
3. Degree of fidelity
In polyamorous relationships or relational anarchies, some type of fidelity is expected towards the people with whom the set of relationships that form polyamory or relational anarchy has been established. However, Open relationships involve fidelity to a central person with the freedom to have sexual encounters or the limit that has been defined in each specific case.
4. Number of people
A key difference is the number of people forming the relationships. Let us remember that Open relationships occur between two people, a “classic” relationship For their part, polyamorous relationships or relational anarchies include a whole set of people and even entire groups.
Why is there resistance to this type of relationship?
As we have been commenting, maintaining an open relationship involves an exercise of trust both in the other person and in oneself. Many people are reluctant to establish this type of ties, motivated mainly by the traditional assumption of closed ties and maintaining a strong defense of fidelity. Delving into some mainly cultural reasons why there is resistance or fear of having open relationships, these may be:
1. Fear of losing your partner
Many people feel that by opening the relationship, They face the possibility that the relationship will break up or that their partner will leave them for someone else This is nothing more than the result of insecurity in your relationship; Any type of relationship, whether open or closed, can end at any time, and having a closed relationship does not prevent the possibility of one member of the couple falling in love with another person. When a relationship is based on communication, trust and respect for limits, these threats or fears are dispelled by the possibility of communicating all your emotions and emotional processes to your partner.
As we have been commenting, the social norm in terms of relationships has been dictated mainly by romantic love; the feeling that there is a “true love” or a “better half” for each person. These beliefs are false and are based on the culture of honor and lack of self-esteem; feeling that a relationship will “fix you” or make you feel better. All people are valid, whether or not we have a relationship.
3. Lack of communication
The main problem why most relationships don’t work is lack of communication. Many people do not know how to communicate what they feel or do not reach a level of total complicity with their partner
Therefore, many times healthy limits are not established regarding what each member of the couple wants, and this is what causes traditional infidelities; when limits are breached.
However, these limits should not be taken for granted without having spoken or defined them, the other person may not know what you want if you do not communicate it.
A different way to build relationships
In conclusion, open relationships are presented as alternative ways of building relationships, but that does not position them as better or worse than traditional closed relationships. It is true that, in general, open relationships bring a higher level of trust, communication and complicity than traditional relationships, since a lot of time is spent delimiting the limits and things that will make the other person feel better or worse. . However, This does not mean that closed relationships work without trust or communication Logically, both components also exist and are determining factors for a more or less healthy course in the relational dynamic.
This article does not have the objective of discrediting or discrediting closed relationships, but rather of understanding open relationships outside of a traditional conception that alleges that they are based on lust or uncontrolled sex.
All relationships should be valid, and all people should self-criticize the way we relate to other people.
