My Partner Doesn't Understand That I Suffer from an Eating Disorder.

Although eating disorders are fundamentally a psychological alteration, they are linked to one of the most important biological elements for the maintenance of health in general: the relationship we have with food On the other hand, in many cases, they are also linked to something that we feel is very much our own, something that cannot be separated from our identity: the image of our body, or at least the image we have of it when we look in the mirror.

In short, Eating Disorders appear and develop in those places in our minds that are associated with the most intimate aspects of our lives as individuals, as unique and unrepeatable human beings. And that is why the majority of people who suffer from an eating disorder experience this pathology as something that separates them from other people, even their loved ones. It is an experience that can be summed up in the phrase “they don’t understand what I’m going through.”

Because this phenomenon of disconnection between the person with an eating disorder and their loved ones usually generates another series of psychological and psychosocial complications, in this article we will focus on the field of dating and marriage and will address a very common question in these cases: What can I do if my partner doesn’t understand that I suffer from an eating disorder? And a good part of your ability to overcome this pathology will come from what your personal relationships are like.

Table of Contents

Why make those around you aware of what makes you suffer from an eating disorder?

When reading a list of the typical symptoms of any eating disorder, such as anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder, the false idea may appear that this type of pathology is above all a malfunction of internal processes that concern only to the person who suffers this alteration; as if his way of thinking and managing his emotions had been “spoiled,” and nothing more. But the truth is that if CDs are what they are, it is because a good part of what keeps them afloat, causing the person to reproduce over and over again the behavioral patterns that reinforce the pathology, is social in nature and relational. That is Both what the individual does to modify the behavior of others (his family or friends, for example) and the behavior of his close environment will influence in the development or weakening of the eating disorder.

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Thus, for example, it is well known that hurtful comments about the physique of a person with anorexia, if repeated more or less frequently, increase the likelihood of relapse and worsen the symptoms; even if those comments were criticisms of his thinness. On the other hand, having a family or partner context that shows support to the person who has started treatment to overcome ED is associated with significantly greater chances of success.

Ultimately, eating disorders are usually closely linked to the way in which the person perceives that others perceive them, and their ability to cope with social situations that challenge them or could cause distress or stress. And on the other hand, When a person feels loved and supported, they become much more motivated when considering changing their life and leave behind the routines that have generated the eating disorder.

My partner doesn’t understand that I have an eating disorder: what to do?

For better and for worse, the simple fact of loving someone and receiving love from that person does not establish a perfect and instantaneous mental connection between the two. This means that The simple fact of living for months or years with a family member or with a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife does not guarantee that both people completely understand each other and. To achieve the latter, we must go one step further and apply effective communication strategies, all of them based on assertiveness.

In this case we will focus on one of the most common experiences that occur in the lives of those who suffer from an eating disorder, which consists of becoming frustrated when they see that their partners do not fully understand the implications of what having an eating disorder means. What to do in these cases? Let’s see it.

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1. Reserve a time and place to talk about the topic

This aspect of your life is important enough to deserve at least one talk specifically designed to talk about this problem that, deep down, affects both of you, even if it hurts you more. Do not let it become a taboo topic or something that you only talk about “in passing” in the form of brief comments or even reproaches when you are dedicating yourself to other things; Agree on a time and place to talk about what’s happening to you for at least half an hour. It is not about simply saying out loud the symptoms of the pathology that has been diagnosed; Besides that, You must reflect on what this means for your way of life, your future plans and your particular needs derived from your situation.

2. Agree on a word to indicate the experiences that can trigger a crisis

EDs usually have the ability to cause the person who suffers from them to go through crises in which the symptoms worsen due to stimuli or situations that cause a lot of discomfort, such as looking in front of a mirror or receiving a hurtful comment directed at one’s appearance. physical. To have your partner’s support quickly when this happens, It is good that you agree on a keyword that allows you to instantly “tag” those moments This can serve both to receive “extra” help at critical moments (for example, situations in which there is a high risk of wanting to quickly go to the bathroom to induce vomiting) and to learn from one’s own mistakes and not do it again. something that has caused that crisis.

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3. Talk about what changes to establish in your coexistence to overcome the disorder

It may seem that if your partner is still understanding what it means to have the ED that you suffer from, he or she will not be prepared to talk to you about the changes that you should introduce in your life together, such as routines or even the distribution of objects and the decor. However, just the opposite happens: Talking about these things will help you understand the extent of the disorder by focusing your attention on specific experiences and that at first they would have gone unnoticed because they were not considered important (for example, seeing a hyper-realistic painting of a still life of food every day in front of the work table in the home studio).

4. Talk about your progress in therapy

Having someone listen to you when you talk about the most interesting thoughts that cross your mind in therapy sessions, or about the advances and progress you have been making, is a motivating element that will help you commit to the treatment and, in addition, they will give your partner a richer and more nuanced vision of what it is like to be in your skin and suffer from an eating disorder.

5. Agree to “ban” the entry of certain foods into the house

Many people with an eating disorder get “hooked” on certain foods, either because of their carbohydrate content (in the case of those who binge eat) or because they consider that they are one of the few foods that are not very fattening (in the case of disorders such as anorexia). To prevent the tendency to make furtive visits to the refrigerator or pantry from returning and to discard the idea of applying very restrictive diets, it is better for your partner to collaborate in the process of not bringing certain foods into the house.