7 Common Mistakes When Setting Limits For Teenagers
Adolescence is a stage of life in which displays of rebellion and defiance of the authority of parents are common, and that is why in homes where there are sons or daughters at this age it can be quite a challenge. challenge to set standards.
In this sense, Here we will review several common mistakes when setting limits for teenagers also seeing an explanation about why these situations should be avoided when applying parenting and homeschooling strategies.
7 common parenting mistakes when setting limits with teenagers
It is clear that no one is born knowing what the best strategies are for raising a teenager and this aspect of life is too complex for us not to make mistakes from time to time; There is nothing wrong with not exactly being an ultra-efficient and perfect father or mother in everything that is done in front of the youngest members of the house.
Now, you must keep in mind that the way in which people set limits and rules to regulate the behavior of adolescent children is a key aspect of parenting, and avoiding certain common mistakes can have a very positive impact on coexistence and in their psychological development, even in the short and medium term. Let’s see what they are.
This is possibly the most common mistake Setting excessively ambiguous and abstract rules, such as “be good to your brother”, only leaves room for maneuver for problems to continue occurring, since there are no references about what the limits of that rule are to comply with and, given the lack of information, each one adopts the interpretation that best suits him/her.
2. Establish rules that are actually sermons
The rules should be relatively short and easy to express in a few words, since, otherwise they are forgotten It is important to distinguish between the rule itself and the explanation surrounding it, which brings us to the next common mistake in boundary setting.
3. Not explaining what the rules mean
Rules must be supported by an argument about why they exist, otherwise they will be seen as simply an imposition and a display of power by adults. This, in turn, predisposes the adolescent to rebel against these attempts to impose apparently arbitrary rules
4. Not explaining the reason for the punishments
Punishments, which should never be physical or based on violence, must always be accompanied by an explanation of their rationale; That is, why the adolescent has behaved badly and what are the consequences of these inappropriate behaviors. In that way, the other person will understand our point of view more
5. Not being consistent
A norm that is not applied is, in practice, a norm that does not exist. That is why it is essential that we be realistic when thinking about what those rules will be to comply with, avoid making them very easy or very difficult, and that if the latter happens, we will end up throwing in the towel when trying to apply them due to the inconvenience caused by having to punish or criticize. the adolescent’s behavior over and over again. Likewise, the punishment should not be very exaggerated because, among other things, At the time of applying it we will not feel comfortable with it and we will act as if nothing had happened.
Although some rules only make sense when applied to minors, others make sense for all family members; and it is important to set an example regarding this last type of rules to comply with. This means making an effort not to stray from those behavioral patterns and, in case we ever make a mistake and fail to comply with them, demonstrate that we are aware that we have done wrong. In this way we will not evaluate these norms and, at the same time, we will ensure that in the adolescent’s mind, compliance with them is associated with the idea of being a mature, adult person.
7. Turn criticism into fights
We should not assume that every time we apply the rules when we see some non-compliance, a fight will take place to see who is right. Our role in these situations is rather to inform and provide support in the face of the possible problem that this bad behavior has generated; The rules, once we have set them, are something foreign to us, and When behaving accordingly it is important to adopt a constructive attitude and criticism of the actions, not the person.
Do you want to have professional psychological support?
If you need professional support for problems such as stress or parenting problems with teenagers at home, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Thomas Saint Cecilia and I am a psychologist specializing in intervention from the cognitive-behavioral model; I serve adults, adolescents and families both in person in my office located in Madrid and through video call sessions.
