Ending a relationship is not easy, and even more so if it seems that there is no reason that is easy to express in words But the thought of wanting to do it, of no longer feeling the same way about the other person, is reason enough to do it.
When the idea of leaving our partner arises, fears linked to this thought also appear, such as the fear of loneliness, pain, regret, change, or not being able to live without the other person They are common fears that we may have in this situation, but that we must face and manage to continue with the decision if we consider that it is the best option.
In this article we will talk about couple relationships, What fears can arise when faced with the idea of wanting to end the relationship? and how to approach the breakup.
‘I feel like I can’t leave my partner even if I want to’
Every relationship between people involves the need for adaptation between both, and even more so if it is a relationship with a couple, a person with whom we want to share a life project together. It is evident that the path will not always be easy and it is very likely that crisis situations will appear, understood as discrepancies that the couple must overcome in order to continue progressing.
Now, in the same way that it is advisable not to throw in the towel when faced with a first conflict, since arguments are normal situations and can have a solution, It is also not functional to persist in a relationship when we know that it is imminent that it ends and we don’t feel the same way about the other person.
Staying with someone with whom we no longer want to be is a waste of time for both oneself and the other person, since we remain linked to a relationship that we know will not last and we do not allow ourselves to meet other people and rebuild our lives. Likewise, also We are lying to our partner and even to ourselves , since we are not telling him the truth, we are hiding information from him and taking away his ability to decide what he wants to do. All of this generates significant psychological wear and tear that can lead to mental disorders in the medium and long term.
Leaving someone is a difficult decision, since many fears can appear in our minds related to those difficult situations that will come with the breakup and that we do not like to think about, but when we are clear about the decision, making it is the best option we can. take; It will be a relief for both you and your partner, even though it may cause pain at first In the long run it will be the best for both of you.
There are many factors that influence it, such as how long you have been together, the reason why you want to break up, where you are in your life, whether you have property or children in common, and many other factors that depend on the particular situation of your partner. each.
Added to all these variables is that Feeling the desire to leave someone does not mean that we no longer love them When we have shared time, experiences, happy moments and we have loved someone, it is normal that we continue to feel something for that person, but not in the same way in which we did, a sign that confirms our decision to want to break up.
There are many fears that can arise when we consider or want to end a relationship. A very common fear in people is the fear of change, of something new, to break the usual routine ; This feeling is linked to the well-known saying “Better known bad than good to know”. We cling to something or someone even though we know, because we don’t want to continue with it, for fear of what may happen or what may come.
Another common fear is the fear of loneliness ; Human beings are social animals and as such we need to interact with other people. When we break up with someone we are afraid of not finding anyone else. On the other hand, when we have been accompanied for a long time, imagining ourselves alone causes us discomfort, we may think that we will not be well and we will have a bad time.
Likewise, pain terrifies us; not just feel it, but also cause it. We are aware that the breakup involves a period of discomfort, of feeling pain at the loss, and we believe that if we do not break up we will avoid it, but we are only causing this increase and ultimately making the pain much more intense.
When we resist performing a key behavior for us, when we are afraid of what may happen when we do it, we often We tend to justify our lack of initiative by claiming that the situation will surely improve We try to deceive ourselves, waiting for a change “a magical event” that will never happen.
Being in love with someone, unfortunately, is not something we can control at will, sometimes causing pain when love is not reciprocated. For this reason, it will not help to force ourselves or persist when our feelings are what they are and we cannot change them. The only option is to act in the best possible way to cause the least damage to both our partner and ourselves.
The time we have spent with a person can generate in some subjects an emotional dependence, a belief of not being able to be without the other person, not being able to live without her This feeling is very likely to become what we currently know as a toxic relationship.
Contrary to what many believe, wanting does not mean needing , since this need can involve continuing with someone even if we no longer love them. We must be with someone despite not needing them.
How to take the step of breaking up with your relationship
When the thought of wanting to end a relationship arises in us, on a recurring basis, that is a warning sign that we cannot ignore. If we notice that our feeling towards our partner has changed, it is no longer what it was, we should not act as if nothing had happened, pretending that this thought did not exist, since in this way we will only be able to prolong a situation that will most likely end badly.
When faced with the idea of ending the relationship, we must face it and ask ourselves the reason for this thought, trying to pay more attention to how we feel, what we notice when we are with our partner, how we would feel if we were no longer together , if there is a possibility of improvement… Questions that will help us say and see more clearly if ending the relationship is the best option. To achieve this, it can help you to fill out an emotions diary, which is a very useful tool for self-knowledge.
If you see that the thought of breaking up persists and the majority of answers to the questions you ask yourself confirm that idea, you need to talk to your partner. Communication is one of the bases of the relationship; Without it it is difficult to know how the other person feels or what ideas they have and we will not be able to express ourselves either, and it will be impossible to resolve the differences or crises that may appear. In other words, we will not be able to progress and the relationship will most certainly not end well.
Communication is the best tool both when the couple is going well and when it is going badly. Therefore, choose in advance a time and place to have that difficult conversation, and Mark it on your agenda so that it is more difficult for you to put it off by making excuses
Express to your partner how you feel, involve them in the situation, allow him to give his opinion too We may think that by raising the idea of breaking up we will hurt the other person, and it is true that it is almost never a pleasant situation, but it is the only way to be honest with them and give them the opportunity to decide. As we already saw, we are giving the freedom to act, being aware of the circumstances and stopping living a lie.
Now, communication is important and necessary in this situation, but It shouldn’t change our decision if we don’t really feel that way In other words, when we talk to our partner the fear of pain may be confirmed, we see how the other person has a hard time and we also feel affected, but this fear should not stop our decision. Staying with someone to make them happy and to prevent them from suffering will only mean more suffering for them and for us.
Likewise, we must remain firm in our decision if finally, after talking and reflecting on ourselves, we have valued the breakup as the best option. It is important to continue and stay strong despite the circumstances that may occur. The breakup involves a loss and as such we must go through a period of mourning in this way you will both need some time, more or less long, to get used to the new life without the other person.
Ending a relationship is a difficult situation to face and can be scary, but it should make us more afraid to continue with someone with whom we are no longer happy. We must consider that much more painful is accepting to live a lie. As we already saw, we are taking away the possibility and freedom of the other person to rebuild their life and find happiness again, in the same way that we are depriving ourselves of falling in love again.
