How To Explain To A Child The Absence Of His Father?

Many boys and girls live in families where their father is absent. Although this does not mean that the family is less efficient, educating and loving than a traditional family, the truth is that not having the father in the family nucleus can raise many unknowns for the little ones, questions that they want answered.

Whether your father is starting another family, you don’t know where he is, he died or he was totally uninterested in raising the child, it is necessary that your son or daughter know it, and it is explained to him in the best way.

Knowing how to explain the absence of his father to a child is not an easy task, and it requires extreme delicacy but telling them the truth because, after all, they have the right to know what their origins are. Let’s find out how.

How to explain to a child why his father is not in the family?

When we talk about family, the first idea that comes to mind is the so-called traditional family: a father, a mother and one or more children. Although this is the prototypical idea of ​​what a family is, it does not correspond to everyone. Over the decades, society has become more aware that There are other family models that, as long as they satisfy the needs of the little ones and give them love, are as good as the traditional ones

Among the most common types of family is the single-parent family or, rather, single-mother family. Many families are made up only of the mother and her children, with the father being partially or completely absent from the children’s lives. This absence can be very painful for boys and girls because the absence of a father who they know has to exist and live somewhere. It can have a very negative influence on their growth process if they are not explained why

That the father is absent can be due to several reasons. One of them is the unfortunate situation in which the father died, leaving the mother a widow. Others, however, the father is still alive and well, but he ignores his own children, he has formed his own family or the mother does not know who the real father is. It may be that the father impregnated the mother and, as soon as he knew it, fled in terror, feeling that he was not prepared to raise a child.

We want to emphasize that you do not need a father and a mother to have correct child development. Scientific experience has shown that alternative family units to the traditional family can be equally beneficial for the development of the child. The important thing is not the number of parents you have, but the quality of their relationships with the little ones.

However, and especially in single-parent families (both without a mother and without a father) it is normal for the boy or girl to wonder why their schoolmates have a mother and a father and they only have one. In the case of single mothers, the question of “what happened to dad?” will inevitably arise Being a mother, it is very important to know how to communicate this situation to the little ones, since they have every right to know what happened to their biological father and what were the reasons why he is not present in their life.

Telling the little ones is not easy, but it is necessary. They cannot live in complete ignorance about the whereabouts of someone as important as their father. Whatever that man did, it is still 50% of the creature’s origin. The boy or girl has every right to know what their origin is, they have the right to know what happened. You must know when the right moment is, how to explain it.

Tips to explain that your father is not there

The nature of boys and girls is characterized by curiosity On their path to discover and understand the world, little ones ask all kinds of questions, questions to which they want to receive the answers as soon as possible. As we said, the day will come when, seeing that the other classmates at school have a mom and a dad, they will wonder why their family is not like the others. “Where is dad?” and other similar questions will begin to leave your lips. What to answer?

Answering this question requires adapting the answer to your age, giving the necessary details so that they understand the situation but according to their own degree of understanding. If the child is still of preschool age, we must avoid unnecessary details about the relationship with his father since they will surely not understand it. Instead, you can explain to them that boys and girls can live in different types of families and that, sometimes, some lack a father or a mother, but that in all of them there can be the same love as in families with parents. and mothers.

It is essential to be aware that the information given to children about who their father was will influence the construction of their personal history, self-concept and self-esteem. For this reason, it is very important to provide him with all the necessary information about his father, such as knowing what he was physically like, what he liked, his personality traits and other characteristics that will allow the child to imagine what his father was like, conceiving a more realistic idea. of the same.

It is very important to tell them stories that are true, not to lie to them about the subject, because that will generate insecurity However, you must also select which aspects of that truth you want to convey. There are details that are unnecessary, and the truth must be nuanced and positive because, if it is still too small, some negative data will not be able to fit. Already in adolescence, more serious aspects could be introduced, but always explained in a neutral key, such as if he had a mental disorder, was not a good father or treated his mother abusively.

It is very important not to give children false expectations. If as mothers we are not sure if our child’s father is going to reappear in her life, We cannot say things like “he is going to come see you one day”, trusting that the little one will forget about it and drop the subject Phrases like that only increase the excitement and desire for something that will surely not happen, breaking your heart. The excuse of “your father is an astronaut” or “he is on a long trip” is also not valid. Realistic expectations must be conveyed, without negative emotional load such as, for example, “your dad can’t come.”

How to explain to the little one that we are single mothers

In this specific section, we will talk about the case of single-parent families that arise through adoption or artificial insimination. These are very particular cases because here, since the mother does not know who the father was, if the child asks about her origins, she will not be able to answer his question “Who is my father?” The father is probably still alive, but his whereabouts are unknown. Because you don’t know, you don’t even know who he is. To explain it, simple and sensitive words must be used.

You can talk to them a little about what adoption or artificial insemination is, but with great care and adapting the topic to their age. At very young ages, one should avoid talking about adoption as what comes after being abandoned, nor raise the possibility that his biological parents did not love him. It is better to explain that there are mothers who go to places to have a child in places where other people left their children so they could have a better future.

If the child was born through artificial insemination, it can be explained that the mother wanted to have a child but could not. Thus, since she could not find the best possible father, she decided to ask doctors for help, who helped her get pregnant and bring the little one into the world. As she understands a little better how human conception works, it can be explained to the child that she has a biological father, but that her mother does not know him, but thanks to her donation she was able to have the child.

In this situation, It is essential to make the child understand that he is a loved person, that the mother felt prepared to raise him and that is why she requested artificial insemination, and that her mother and the little one form the perfect team to be happy and that they do not need more people during this process. Naturally, if the mother has a partner in the future, male or female, as long as she helps raise the little one, she is welcome.

How to explain to him that his father has another family

Stepfamilies are very common. These are made up of couples whose members have children from previous relationships. Sometimes it happens that a father divorces his first wife, with whom he had children, and forms a new one, disengaging or having little involvement in his first family. It is an especially difficult situation for the children from the previous relationship because they see that their father invests time, resources and love in another family, despite having a previous one. “Why doesn’t Dad pay as much attention to me as he does to my other siblings?” “Am I a less loved son?” “What have I done wrong that my dad doesn’t love me?”

Each person has to make their own way. After a divorce, even if it is painful, both the father and the mother have every right in the world to meet new people, create new families and enjoy a new life The ideal is that, when rebuilding their life, they do not forget that they have children from previous relationships, but sadly it happens that the parent who is no longer part of the child’s central family, when creating his or her own family, is inevitably going to pay more attention to this new one.

How to tell a boy or girl that their father is not their biological father

You don’t have to be the biological father to be a good father. However, there will come a time when the boy or girl must know the whole truth, that the man his mother is dating is not her biological father. Regardless of her relationship with him, the boy or girl has every right to know that her father is not her biological father, although no less of a father in educational and emotional terms. Hiding this reality from them for too long is counterproductive, and will only increase their confusion.

It’s totally natural for moms and stepdads to be afraid to have this conversation, but the little one deserves and should know the truth about his origins. They must be honest with the child, because not doing so will cause more harm than good, and no good mother wants that for her children. The partner can be of great help during this process because, if he has already been like a father to the child, he can show him what he feels for the child and that, despite not being his biological father, he considers him as a son. Parenting does not involve genetics or physical similarities.

Experts consider that children should be informed as soon as possible, but taking into account his age. Between 6 and 8 years old they could begin to understand the situation, so delaying this conversation until adolescence could generate deep conflicts, arguments, and reproaches. The young man would experience it as if he had been living a lie for most of his life, and he could harbor such a great resentment towards both his mother and his stepfather that it could even affect the couple themselves.