First dates are very important because the first impression we make on someone we have just met will have a great influence on the chances of seeing each other more times.
That we should not trust first impressions is a well-said maxim, known in theory but not exercised in practice. In addition, there is the issue that mistakes can always be made that, regardless of whether they were the first or the other times we met with our potential partner, ruined the relationship.
There are several common mistakes when looking for a partner, those that make any possibility of seeing that person again disappear who, in principle, seemed to have liked us so much. Let’s discover them to avoid committing them!
We have all had a meeting with someone we met on a dating app or a night at a bar, we met him or her and, afterwards, we never heard from that person again. It is inevitable that after this we wonder from time to time when What could have gone wrong, what did we do or say to make that person lose interest in us?
It is said a lot about not trusting first impressions, but the truth is that it is difficult not to fall into this trap as soon as you meet someone. Whether you want it or not, The first thing we perceive about a person will have a great influence on how we see them from now on, which is why, thinking about ourselves, we should always be careful with what we say or do on our first dates. If you make mistakes on that first date, chances are there won’t be a second one.
There are many mistakes we can make in our search for love. The first date can be a smooth event that will end in good results or, on the contrary, it can end in disaster. It all depends on what those who went to that appointment do, and if they made any of the common mistakes when looking for a partner that follow.
It is common for us to be optimistic about the person we have met and already think about a future with them. It is normal to consider possible future scenarios in which the two of you are already a couple, but we should not get ahead of ourselves or obsess over it
Obsessing that, every time we meet someone, that person is going to be the definitive person, as well as being very naive, is something that will end up ruining the relationship before it has even started.
The date will go as it will, maybe good or maybe bad, if we idealize it and it doesn’t come to fruition we will end up very frustrated, sinking into misery and without putting much effort into meeting new people in the coming weeks.
2. Show desperation
Being desperate is understandable if we haven’t found anyone special for months and months despite having tried. However, that may be our problem, that we seem very desperate.
Desperation is not an attractive trait. Seeing that a person is eager to find a partner does not inspire much confidence in addition to the fact that the other person will find it impossible not to think about what we have done wrong so that we have not been lucky in love even though it is evident that we have tried.
3. Being too confident
We have to be careful who we trust It cannot be that, as soon as we meet someone, in just one week we are already telling them everything about ourselves, no matter how much time we spend with them. This can be interpreted as our concept of intimacy being very lax, revealing personal things to anyone.
4. Not watching what you talk about
Choosing the topics of conversation on our first date is a fundamental aspect of getting to know and developing a relationship of trust with the other person We have to be very careful with what we talk about, but without closing ourselves off to any question that our date asks us.
You can’t always talk about intimacies, but you shouldn’t resort to superficial topics like the weather or how pretty the restaurant walls are.
5. Talk about your previous relationships
Forget about talking about your past and the intimacies you experienced with your previous relationships. Let’s face it now: talking about what we did with our ex-partner is neither sexy nor romantic. No one worth their salt wants to date someone who won’t stop talking about their previous relationship because, basically, it can be interpreted as not getting over the breakup.
First we must focus on the person in front of us, think of a “we” as a whole in the present and what interests us in the short-term future, ignoring the fact that we have previously had love experiences that did not work. Once you and your date get to know each other better, you will be able to address the deeper details of your respective life histories, including what happened to your previous relationships.
6. Treat waiters badly
There are those who say that you truly know a person by the way he treats those who are at his service, like a waiter. And not only to the waiters, but to the employees of any store or their own subordinates.
The example of the waiter is the one that best fits the world of love, since many dates take place in restaurants. If on our date the first time we meet someone they see us treating the waiter in a way that they don’t like there probably won’t be a second time
7. Overdoing it with alcohol
It is true that not having even a beer or glass of wine can be perceived as being too straight and boring, but the truth is that We must not forget that alcohol is a drug and should not be abused At most, we can take the socially accepted minimum, without going overboard.
Excess alcohol puts you in a position where you have no control over what you say or what you do. If you take more than you can handle, you may appear too vulnerable or, on the contrary, have aggressive behavior, both situations that are extremely bad for the development of a first date. Alcohol plays tricks and we should not allow it to play tricks on us.
When dating, you must avoid falling into the temptation of talking only about yourself. Naturally, we will have to make ourselves known and explain who we are, what we do, what our hobbies are and other things like that; however, we should not become the center of the conversation because at the end of the day it is a date, a dialogue to get to know each other, not a soliloquy.
Related article: “Egocentric personality: 15 characteristic traits”
9. Talk about marriage and children
It may sound obvious, but getting ahead of yourself on the first date with topics as transcendental as getting married or having children is a very, very bad sign. There are people who want to get married and others don’t, but they all share that they don’t want to do it with someone they just met There are many other topics to talk about, topics much less scary than when you want to get married or how many children you want to have.
10. Believing that your date should make you happy
Leaving responsibility for your happiness to the other person is never a good option. The only thing we will achieve with this is that she feels pressured and we will put her in a compromise No one owes us happiness, but we are the ones who must seek it in the positive things that make up our lives.
Naturally, when we look for a partner we want that person to bring us happiness, but we must understand that this will happen when a relationship of trust, intimacy and mutual respect has been established, not when we start dating someone and only have casual encounters.
You may be interested: “The myth of the better half: no couple is ideal”
11. Appearing too insecure
On first dates we should not show an air of superiority and being better than everyone else because nobody likes pedantic and unbearable people. But we must also be careful with being too humble, because we can make the mistake of appearing too insecure and submissive, something that is not attractive to the vast majority of people. Showing low self-esteem repels any opportunity to have a partner. Negativism always backs down.
