Understanding what draws two people together in a romantic relationship has fascinated psychologists for decades. One compelling explanation comes from Robert Winch’s Complementary Needs Theory, which proposes that people are attracted to others whose personality traits or emotional needs complement their own.
This theory offers a deeper psychological perspective into why opposites often attract—not because they are different, but because they fill each other’s emotional gaps. Let’s dive into how this theory works and what it reveals about relationship dynamics.
Robert Winch, an American sociologist, developed the Complementary Needs Theory in the 1950s. According to his model, romantic attraction isn’t just about similarity—it’s about complementarity of needs.
This means that individuals seek partners who possess characteristics or tendencies that fulfill their own unmet psychological needs.
For example:
A person who craves nurturing and emotional support may be drawn to someone who enjoys providing care and protection.
Someone who tends to be dominant or assertive may feel fulfilled in a relationship with someone more submissive or passive.
Core Concepts of the Theory
Let’s explore the essential principles that form the basis of Winch’s model:
1. Emotional Need Fulfillment
Attraction is largely based on how well each person’s emotional and psychological needs are met by the other.
2. Personality Compatibility Through Opposites
Rather than choosing a mirror image of themselves, people often feel more complete when their partner possesses traits they lack.
3. Unconscious Decision-Making
Many of these decisions happen unconsciously. We’re often unaware of why we’re attracted to someone, but it’s frequently due to a deep-seated emotional need they meet.
4. Satisfaction Over Similarity
While shared values and interests matter, emotional complementarity plays a stronger role in long-term satisfaction, according to Winch.
In the development of the theory of complementary needs, Winch also observed that the people evaluated, in addition to choosing people who were complementary to them in terms of tastes, values and hobbies as a potential partner, also looked at other factors such as religion, race, social class, level of education, place of residence, etc. According to this theory, when these factors that we have just listed are common or at least quite similar, they make it easier for two people to become a couple.
In the theory of complementary needs, those people who fit within the complementary factors for a person have been classified as “field of eligible spouse candidates” one of these people could be someone we see on a daily basis (for example, the waiter at the cafeteria where we usually have coffee every morning, a classmate or co-worker, someone who goes to the same gym as us, etc.).
Examples of Complementary Needs in Couples
Here are some real-life examples to illustrate how complementary needs may work in relationships:
A highly organized, structured person may pair well with a spontaneous and flexible partner, helping both balance their extremes.
A caregiver personality may be deeply fulfilled by being with someone who needs nurturing due to past trauma or insecurity.
Someone who is ambitious and driven might be drawn to a partner who is supportive and emotionally grounded, providing emotional stability.
Criticisms of the Complementary Needs Theory
While widely discussed, the theory isn’t without criticism:
Overemphasis on opposites: Critics argue that similarity in values, goals, and worldviews may be more important for long-term compatibility.
Limited empirical support: Studies on relationship satisfaction have produced mixed results about whether complementary traits actually lead to stronger bonds.
Cultural bias: The theory is based largely on Western norms, potentially overlooking how needs and roles vary globally.
How the Theory Is Used Today
Despite critiques, Winch’s ideas remain influential in areas such as:
Couples therapy: Helping partners understand how their needs may complement or clash.
Dating psychology: Exploring attraction beyond superficial similarities.
Self-awareness: Encouraging individuals to reflect on their emotional drivers in relationships.
The idea of opposite poles
It is quite common to hear the idea that “opposites attract”, being a topic that Robert Winch also investigated. While it is true that they can attract each other, this does not mean that it will last. Although we are not going to say that two people who are quite different cannot have a lasting relationship, since by both doing their part they could find some point in common and also there are other factors that may be more important for a relationship to work in the long term such as trust, support and mutual respect.
The same thing happens on the opposite side, and that is that although two people agree on most of the factors that they consider important to want to form a couple, it does not mean that success is guaranteed and as we well know, in the field of relationships there is no It is all jack, knight and king, but it is something much more complex and there are various factors that influence whether a relationship will work or not.
Regarding the idea that opposites attract, the theory of complementary needs says that is complementarity that makes a relationship work, so that each member of the couple is the support of the other when they need it (for example, when one arrives in a bad mood after having had a hard day at work, the other can be there to calm them down, when a person is angry for some reason, their partner can be there to put the brakes on and help them think clearly before to act or that they can encourage each other).
As we can see, the theory of complementary needs start from an idea intermediate to that of the opposite poles and those that affirm that people who agree on everything will be successful as a couple. That is to say, having certain tastes, values and even religion or social status helps two people show mutual interest, but it is also important that they complement each other, since if they agree on everything and do not find complementarity, it is possible that the relationship will not work. last as long as originally thought.
The theory of complementary needs states that it is this complementarity between two people that favors the strengthening of their ties as a couple, so in addition to the common factors being important for there to be an attraction between them, the differences that exist also play in their favor. have both, so that they serve to complement each other. And it is very common that a person feels attracted to another person who has traits different from their own (for example, a shy person who is attracted to another extroverted person and vice versa).
Some examples of people who could become a couple according to the theory of complementary needs would be the following: a secure person with an insecure person, a dreamy person with another who focuses more on the realistic side of things, a loving person and another who is colder, an insecure person with another who is more decisive, etc. That is to say, complementarity would occur, according to this theory, in personality factors or ways of acting, with prior common factors such as values, beliefs, etc.
Definitely, is mutual feedback that can help a relationship work in the long term both members being allies in the sense that each member supports the concerns of the other and that the same thing happens the other way around, and this can be achieved through active listening, so that they know how they can support each other in the another, when necessary, and also knowing when the other person needs help to know how to act at all times in order to be able to provide that support.
Main factors that influence the attraction between two people
Now that we have seen broadly what the theory of complementary needs consists of, we are going to explain some important factors for mutual attraction to occur between two people according to various theories from the field of social psychology.
1. The similarity within the attraction between two people
Heider’s equilibrium theory states that two people who are similar in various factors will feel more attracted to each other than to others with whom they have more differences than similarities establishing a principle of similarity according to which people who are similar can form a system that is balanced and in harmony, while the opposite could cause them psychological discomfort.
On the other hand, a large part of the research carried out in recent decades within the field of social psychology on the attraction between two people affirms that people tend to feel more attracted to others who are similar to them in terms of a series of characteristics. characteristics, attitudes, values and beliefs.
This statement made in social psychology would be a point that is in common with Winch’s theory of complementary needs, since this theory also stated that people tended to be attracted to others who were similar to them in terms of a series of factors, although they later differ in terms of different personality traits and way of being, this being what forms that complementarity that he spoke of in his theory.
2. Familiarity in the attraction between two people
According to some social psychological theories about interpersonal attraction, people tend to be more attracted to others who are familiar to them rather than others who are unfamiliar to us, this idea may also be supported by the effect of mere exposure. In addition, people tend to pay more attention to those who live closest to them, which favors the establishment of a sentimental bond.
In this sense, the theory of complementary needs also stated that a very important factor was the fact that both people will reside in the same locality or that at least their places of residence are not a considerable distance away.
FAQs about Robert Winch’s Complementary Needs Theory
What is the main idea behind the Complementary Needs Theory?
The theory suggests that people are attracted to partners who fulfill emotional or psychological needs that they themselves lack.
Is complementary attraction more important than similarity?
Not necessarily. While complementary needs can create balance, similarity in values and goals is also crucial for lasting connection.
Can two people with the same needs succeed in a relationship?
Yes, but they may face challenges if both partners expect the same kind of support without being able to offer it in return.
How can I tell if I’m in a complementary relationship?
Reflect on whether your partner balances or fulfills emotional areas you struggle with—and vice versa.
Does this theory explain all types of relationships?
No, it primarily applies to romantic and emotionally intimate relationships, and even then, it’s just one of many theories in relationship psychology.
