Many demands arising from the dissatisfaction in the area of the couple’s relationship These are usually motivated by the existence of common problems that, due to their recurring nature, can raise doubts about the continuity of the relationship.
Although this determination is influenced by a significant proportion of emotional and subjective issues, such as feelings of attachment to the other member of the couple, there are a series of factors that can be useful to objectively determine where the partner is at. the relationship, if it can provide a sufficient level of satisfaction or if the problems that arise can be resolved favorably
In the eighties Robert Sternberg proposed the well-known Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986) from which he described three main components in romantic relationships, which made up what the author called consummated or complete love: intimacy, commitment and passion
Thus, a healthy and satisfactory relationship usually has the three factors in balance, since the absence of any of them can lead to other types of love, such as fatuous or crazy love (absence of intimacy), romantic love ( absence of commitment) or sociable love (absence of passion).
This type of analysis is key, since sometimes there is a tendency to confuse companionate or social love (especially in long-term couples) with consummated love, and this generates an attitude of passive compliance that prevents the search or recovery of love. a fuller love.
Another classification to which experts in this area seem to grant a certain consensus in discerning the level of marital satisfaction refers to the degree of independence established between both In this sense, four types of marital ties are differentiated.
1. Healthy relationship
In this style of relationship, both members of the couple have individual areas (professional area, area of leisure and particular interests, area of social relations, etc.) and there are also areas shared by the couple, so that The independence of each one is respected and the dedication to each one of them is at a balanced level
2. Unhealthy relationship
It is characterized by the lack of individual areas in each member of the couple, so the relationship plot occupies the entire time of both members and a full dedication to fostering this bond is conceived, neglecting the rest of the personal areas.
3. Dependent relationship
This type of connection implies a dominance-submission role dynamic in the couple, by which the dependent member has exclusive dedication to the relationship, while the other party does have independent personal spheres outside the marital area. This inequality frequently results in the development of insecurity, low self-esteem, jealousy and recurring conflicts and tensions between both.
4. Empty relationship
This type of relationship consists of the total independence of the personal areas of each member and there is an absolute absence of shared areas between both.
Indicators of healthy love
As can be seen, the profile that is most likely to bring satisfaction to the relationship corresponds to the first type.
Thus, a healthy dynamic presents characteristics such as mutual respect, freedom/equality and independence of each of the members, presence of effective and empathetic communication between both and, finally, co-responsibility and autonomy of each individual.
These elements are reflected in specific actions and attitudes such as the following.
The 5 types of love language
A third aspect that can be subjected to observation and analysis consists of determining the type of love language that each individual expresses in a primary and/or secondary way. This classification was proposed by author Gary Chapman in his work “The 5 Love Languages” where he defended as a relevant factor for the development of a higher level of well-being in interpersonal relationships and, especially in the couple, the fact of knowing which of the five types of love language manifests as primary and secondary (more developed than the rest of the languages) in each member of the couple.
Thus, a significant part of the conflicts between both parties arise because each person presents a different language as primary or secondary, so the displays of love that one exercises are not perceived in a valuable way by the other. Furthermore, the author highlights the importance of avoiding the mistake of assuming that the other part of the couple must spontaneously or telepathically express the love language expected of them. The five types proposed by the author are the following.
1. The words
Express appreciation verbally give praise, congratulate the other person, say “I love you” or “I like the way you are”, etc.
2. Quality time sharing
Actively listening to the other when they express their feelings or opinions, being for the other person instead of with the other person carry out joint activities without interruptions, enjoy shared time just by being with each other, etc.
Provide both material and non-material details investing time in preparing a gift regardless of the economic value, making gifts considering the interests and concerns of the other person, etc.
4. Acts of service
Carry out acts to facilitate or help make the life of others simpler voluntarily and without expecting anything in return, simply for the fact of wanting to take care of others
5. Physical contact
Physical displays of affection such as caressing, hugging, holding hands, kissing, giving a massage, etc.
Related article: “What is affection and why does it mark us throughout life?”
In conclusion…
After what has been explained above, there are many aspects that are interrelated in determining the level of well-being and/or happiness that a relationship brings to each of the members.
It is important avoid falling into bias when considering exclusively sentimental aspects such as the degree of love or affection that emerges from such a bond there are a series of more verifiable indicators that can add a more rational perspective on how satisfactory and healthy such a marital bond is and thus be able to more rigorously delimit both the origin and the possible solutions to the marital problems detected.
