How Do Your Expectations Influence Your Relationship?

Have you ever felt dissatisfaction in your relationship? it’s possible Maybe this is because you have different expectations regarding your relationship as a couple

In this article we will explore precisely this topic: how our expectations about our relationship make us live the latter in a certain way, for better or worse.

    Expectations in the relationship

    Since childhood we form in our minds concepts about how the world works, about how the things around us are and, of course, how a couple “should be.” For example, there are many people who believe that the man has to be the one to take the initiative, conquer, etc.

    In fact, a large number of studies indicate that the central aspect of relationships is not the characteristics of our partner or the present moment we live with them, but the idealized perception and expectations we have about our relationship (García Figueroa, 2005).

    According to Galindo (2002), the expectations one has about one’s partner are one of the factors that influence the choice of one partner or another. And these expectations They act as conflict triggers and even leading couples to divorce. Why does this happen?

    It seems that We perceive reality influenced by our desires and needs, attributing attributes that help us overcome these obstacles in life. The risk involved in basing a relationship on the satisfaction of our expectations is dangerous, because we can find ourselves with our expectations unfulfilled and as a gift, a loving failure. Isn’t it something to think twice about?

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    The worst thing about all this is that it is something that people are unaware of and do not even consider when they start their relationship. That is to say, there are many couples who come together because of the attraction of a first moment, and that is how, without saying a word about what each expects from the other, the relationship begins. These two people will not realize their different expectations until a conflict arises. Why a conflict? For anything.

      The spark that ignites the conflict

      If one of the members begins to see that his or her partner is not behaving in accordance with how a boyfriend or girlfriend should act, This will be a reason for discussion The more the expectations and concepts of what a relationship should be differ between them, the worse; the greater the disagreements will be. People become disillusioned or more satisfied with their relationship to the extent that their expectations are met.

      The Journal of Family Psychology published research by Sivan George-Levi in ​​which couples’ expectations were compared with the satisfaction they showed. The results showed that People who expected too much from their relationships were constantly dissatisfied

      How does having too high expectations hurt you?

      Expectations of what a couple should be are formed at a very early age, from what we have been told, what we have seen around us or even in the movies. Too high expectations of how the other person’s behavior should be can lead to, obviously, the person does not fit our demands This will inevitably cause conflict between the couple, so it is advisable to review whether what we are asking for is, in fact, realistic.

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      How does having too low expectations hurt you?

      If this is your case, be careful. Having low expectations can lead you to not demand anything at all from your partner. You keep saying “well, this is what it is” and you end up settling for little when you could have much more. Don’t fall into this trap Also, if you don’t demand, you may not get and you will believe that it is because life or your partner is like that. Don’t settle for less.

        How does not having expectations hurt you?

        Without expectations you don’t know what you want. And if you don’t know what you want… how are you going to go for it? How are you going to tell your partner which things make you feel bad or which don’t? Just because you don’t realize it doesn’t mean you don’t have expectations. Even when a person maintains a sporadic relationship and says he has no expectations with the other person, he does; in this case, the idea of ​​having a good time and leaving. What do you expect from the other person? Nothing. A “non-commitment.” That the other person does not behave like a couple with whom he has a commitment. And that is an expectation. Have you ever considered this?

        The need to find emotional balance

        If you notice that you and your partner have different expectations regarding your relationship, it may be time to address the issue directly. Expressing your opinions will help you to be clear about what you can expect from the other, as well as not to get frustrated when your desires are not fulfilled and to understand your partner’s behaviors and attitudes.

            • Sánchez Aragón, Rozzana; (2009). Expectations, perception and maintenance strategies in romantic relationships. Teaching and Research in Psychology, July-December, 229-243.
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