How Do I Know If I Am Emotionally Dependent In Love?
Who has not ever felt a “hook” for someone they were meeting or with whom they were in love? That feeling that keeping said person close is our top priority?
Sometimes, we can feel something like an addiction, not related to a substance or a specific activity, but to a person in our environment.
Emotional dependence is defined as: “The extreme emotional need that a person feels towards another in their relationship with them.”
This emotional dependence It comes hand in hand with a feeling of lack of self-identity, with a loss of connection between what you feel, needs and desires and with a great lack of personal investment.
Let’s see what the most marked characteristics and beliefs of an emotionally dependent person are.
What characteristics of the person are associated with emotional dependence?
These are mainly a lack of self-esteem (having a negative concept of oneself) but also a lack of assertiveness and social skills when expressing different opinions, avoiding conflicts…
A person with low self-esteem does not necessarily end up in emotionally dependent relationships, but it is something that makes it more likely.
The warning signs of emotional dependence are as follows.
1. Fear of loneliness
this fear It is very common among people who have not learned how beneficial it is to be with themselves, spend quality time alone to listen to each other, get to know each other and pamper yourself. We confuse being alone with feeling alone, and it is not the same!
Thoughts that give us a clue about whether we suffer from fear of loneliness would be: “People always abandon me”, “I can’t be happy without a partner”, “Single people are unsuccessful and unhappy people”…
2. Fear of breakup, rejection, abandonment
This fear is closely related to the previous one, since a breakup or abandonment by a partner means being left alone.
When there is a fear of breaking up, we tend to perform all kinds of behaviors that assure us that this will not happen And these types of behaviors are generally submissive in nature: we forget our limits as a sacrifice in favor of maintaining the relationship.
For example, stopping doing things we like because our partner does not share it, even if they are perfectly compatible.
In the event that the breakup finally comes, it will be denied and fruitless attempts will be made to recover the relationship so it will also take much longer to recover.
Key thoughts in fear of breakup are:
3. Control/dominance exercised and received/accepted
It may happen that there are two perfectly complementary roles, the controller and the submissive and in these cases, the relationships are more lasting, because their members need each other.
The typical irrational thoughts of the controlling person have to do with this need for control: “It’s horrible when things don’t go the way I want.”
On the other hand, the unhealthy thoughts typical of the person who undergoes They have to do with the need for affection and approval and with perceiving a breakup or abandonment as probable:
Jealousy is a manifestation of the desire for exclusivity towards the other person and involves several phases: anger, rage, humiliation, anxiety, sadness and depression.
It is normal to feel jealousy when it is specific and we do not become obsessed with the idea of infidelity They become problematic the moment they produce hypervigilance and controlling behaviors that cause the relationship to deteriorate.
Thoughts revolve around the unjustified suspicion of possible infidelity, attributing a large number of the other person’s actions as proof that he or she is cheating on us or will cheat on us in the future, for example, when he or she is nice to third parties or when he or she reaches out more late than expected.
5. Disproportionate priority of the couple
When the couple is ahead, in a long list of vital priorities, our needs, well-being, dignity or personal projects then we run the risk of getting lost.
We will be devoting an enormous amount of energy to a single area of our lives and there are many!
6. Self-limitation
A common belief when we are limiting ourselves is that “personal interests should be given up for those of the couple.”
In a healthy relationship, Both parties include added value and contribute their own interests, hobbies, projects, which must be accommodated equally The ideal is that there is a shared space of compatible activities that both like and, on the other hand, that vital and personal space that is so necessary and personal.
If you have identified with any of these thoughts and above all, if you think it is a problem that you have been dealing with, perhaps it is time to seek professional advice. Learn to live healthier and freer relationships!
