What to Do if My Partner Asks Me for Time

“My boyfriend has asked me for time to clarify, what should I do?” It is one of the most popular consultations in couple psychology. Given the complexity of the world of interpersonal relationships and the lack of education about emotions, feelings and healthy forms of connection between people, it is very normal for conflicts to arise that we do not know how to handle. Is it normal to get overwhelmed in a relationship? What does it mean to have doubts? Is it useful to take some time?

What to do if your partner asks you for time to clarify? In this article we will answer all these doubts, in this PsychologyFor article.

Why has your partner asked you for time?

When your partner asks you for time, what he is really telling you is that prefers to be without you to be with you Whether it’s to be able to experiment, to be able to let go of commitment, to not have to assume certain responsibilities, because he prefers to dedicate his time to other things… Regardless of the cause, taking time out means that he doesn’t want to be with you (temporarily or permanently).

The main reasons why your partner may ask you for time or space are:

Has doubts

First of all, it may mean that He is not sure if the relationship with you is what he wants or not When a person asks his partner for time, he usually says that he needs time to clarify her feelings. We must keep in mind that when a relationship is going well, there are no doubts. That is, when a relationship works and is healthy, both members are sure they want to stay in the relationship.

Despite there being conflicts and differences, the couple has the desire, the ability and the strategies to solve them together. So “taking time to clear up feelings” doesn’t make sense.

want to experiment

It could also be that your partner asks you for time because he wants to meet other people, try other ways of life, do different things and plans without counting on you. Are you curious to live other experiences? and be with other people who contribute different things to what you contribute.

Their needs and desires are not covered by the established relationship, so the chances of the relationship working in a healthy way are slim.

You have other priorities

Maybe at this moment gives more importance to other areas of your life or to other people and don’t want to dedicate your time or energy to the relationship. There are many ways to relate, but if you need to be a priority for your partner and he or she does not give you that place, the relationship will be a great source of frustration, which can damage self-esteem.

It should be noted, however, that it is completely legal for a person, as he or she develops and evolves, to change his or her opinion and priorities. It may be that your partner prefers to focus on a work, personal, family project, etc., and that the relationship is no longer so important to him or her.

Doesn’t want commitment

Commitment implies responsibility and effort. According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, commitment is one of the fundamental elements of mature love. However, it is something that not all people want or can assume.

Whether due to fears and insecurities, bad experiences or the person’s vital moment, your partner may not want to commit with a relationship, which is valid and honest if it has been expressed clearly from the beginning.

Don’t dare to cut

It may be that he is clear that he does not want to continue the relationship with you, but is afraid to break “Giving yourself some time” can be used as a strategy to try being without your partner, but having the security of being able to return in case of regret. This strategy can be used consciously, but it can also be used unconsciously.

It is necessary to point out that your partner is not necessarily deliberately lying to you. He may think that he just needs time and may not be aware that his love for you has ended, which he will realize later.

What to do when they ask for your time

How should we react to this situation? What should we answer if our partner asks us for time? Next, we will see step by step what to do when your partner asks you for time:

1. Respect the decision

First of all, as we have already mentioned previously, if your partner asks you for time, it means that right now he does not want to be with you as a couple. You can’t force anyone to be in a relationship, so the decision must be respected

2. Communicate our vision

On the other hand, if a person does not want to continue being a couple, it is clear that the relationship is over. At this time, you should tell him that you will respect his decision if he prefers to be without you, but that if you are no longer a couple, the relationship and the “couple” moments will also be over

3. Accept the breakup

Even though your partner verbalizes that “it will just be a while,” you never really know. A person cannot wait for another to clarify because the true relationship occurs when two people freely choose to be together.

If your partner doesn’t want to be with you in a relationship now (it doesn’t matter if they say it will be temporarily or permanently), it means that they don’t want to be with you as a couple and that is something that has to be accepted.

4. Cut contact

As we have seen before, sometimes it may happen that you are no longer his priority or that he no longer wants commitment. Therefore, it is possible that he does not want to get you out of his life and wants to stay in contact with you, even seeing you, but without having a relationship or commitment.

In these cases, unless you really want to maintain a friendship with that person the most effective thing will be to cut contact.

5. Apply zero contact

The best strategy to start moving on is zero contact, especially when the breakup is unwanted. That is, not having contact with the ex-partner by any means (physically, online, through mutual friends, objects…)

In other words, applying zero contact means do not meet, do not talk, delete from social networks, remove from sight objects that remind us of that person not going to the places you frequented, not asking your friends about him/her… Unless the breakup does not cause you suffering and you truly want to maintain a friendship with your ex-partner.

6. Carry out the grieving process

It is normal to first feel anger and, later, sadness, apathy, disappointment, emptiness, loneliness and other unpleasant emotions. As we explained in the article about overcoming heartbreak, having intrusive thoughts and longings to get your relationship back is completely normal.

The grieving process after a breakup is usually painful but the important thing is to allow yourself to feel bad in order to overcome it, to have patience and hope for the moment of feeling better.

7. Allow yourself to feel what you feel

On the other hand, when your partner asks for your time, the healthiest thing is to accept what he or she feels at each moment, understand that it is part of the process and be patient.

When your partner asks you for time, it means that at this moment he does not want you as his partner and that he “needs some time” to think about it, to decide, to accept the breakup, to try new experiences… In short, if your partner tells you It takes a while, actually is ceasing to be in the relationship and to be your partner

8. Focus on the present

In these types of situations it is completely normal to be surprised, to ask yourself a thousand questions, to have a hard time understanding what has happened. However, turning over the facts and tormenting ourselves with unanswered questions will leave us anchored to the past, exhaust us and make us suffer, so it is of no use.

Thus, put the focus on the present, on knowing yourself, taking care of yourself learn from the situation and build a new, wiser and more resilient version of yourself.

9. Lean on your loved ones

Another good way to respond when your partner asks for time is to lean on your loved ones. In these cases, spend time with your friends and family It will help you feel better.

If that is not enough for you, you can always resort to seeking professional help to give you the necessary tools to face this situation.

10. Take care of yourself at all levels

In the moments when we are most vulnerable is precisely when we should take care of ourselves the most: eat healthy, sleep 8 hours and rest, practice physical exercise, nurture your hobbies, socialize, enjoy your free time…

Likewise, avoid patches like alcohol, junk food, drugs unprotected sex, shopping, gambling, and other behaviors that “anesthetize” unpleasant emotions, but can trigger a much bigger problem in the future.

When they ask you for time, do they come back?

A common question in these cases is whether the member of the couple who requested time will return in the future. No one knows the future, so we cannot know for sure what will happen. There is always the possibility If an ex-partner contacts us again, it may or may not happen.

If this happens, you will be able to assess whether you are interested or not based on your situation at that moment. It may be that you have met another person or that your personal growth and your change of mentality make you not interested in resuming that relationship, you may have realized that your ex-partner’s values ​​do not suit you or that his or her characteristics are not the same. What are you looking for in your partner. However, also It is possible that both of you want to resume the relationship

What happens if you go back to your ex after a while

Is it possible to get back with an ex after months? Does getting back with an ex after years work? The answer may depend on many factors, the situation and the couple themselves. However, there are some signs that will help you predict the success or failure of the relationship:

• If you have made individual changes, it may work.
• Yeah are you able to forgive and focus on the present and the future.
• If you have talked about the reasons for the breakup and these issues are resolved.
• If the circumstances that kept you away the previous time have been resolved.
• If you are looking for the same type of relationship.
• Yeah you build a solid foundation based on trust and the respect.
• If you share values ​​and life plans.
• If you love each other and want to share your daily life.
• If the other person It transmits peace, well-being and tranquility to you
• If you feel that this person improves your life (despite also feeling fulfilled without them) and that they help you grow as people.

If you want to know more about this topic, in this article we explain how to have a healthy relationship.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What to do if my partner asks me for time we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.

Bibliography

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• Fisher, H. (2017). The science of love: why we love and cheat? Collective Maps Editorial.
• Riso, W. (2012). Love and don’t suffer: how to fully enjoy life as a couple. Vintage Spanish.
• Sánchez, JIM (2020). Relevance of individual sessions in a case of couples therapy. Psychotherapy Magazine31(117), 367-379.