Children Who Act As Parents: 9 Effects Of Parentification In Adult Life
How can the trauma of having suffered parentification during childhood affect us? How can we know if we suffer from this trauma? Discover the effects and signs of parentification.
The parentification This is a form of childhood trauma that often goes unnoticed. This type of abuse happens when the roles between a child and parents are reversed. These children had to act as caregivers, mediators or protectors of the family. Parentification ends up being a form of emotional abuse and/or mistreatment, but how can you know if you have suffered it and what its consequences are?
Do you feel like you were pushed to take care of your parents or siblings alone when you were a child? If you have this feeling, it is likely that you have suffered from parentification When a child has to face this excessive responsibility or emotional burden, it can affect the child’s development. It is important to emphasize that some responsibility in children is a good thing. Helping a parent from time to time also helps children believe in themselves and their ability to function as an adult.
Why can children be parented?
Not all parents can take care of the physical and emotional needs of their children. In fact, in some families, the child may take on the role of caregiver to keep the family functioning. In most cases, parentification It can occur for the following reasons:
Parents who were abused or neglected by their parents during childhood
Parents with a mental health disorder or condition
Parents with an alcohol or substance use disorder
Parents or siblings who are disabled or have a serious medical condition
Parents who are divorced or widowed
Parents who have difficulties integrating into society
Children can suffer from two types of parentification: instrumental and emotional.
Instrumental parentification: This type of parentification It occurs when parents assign responsibilities to children that are not appropriate for their age. This could mean tasks like preparing meals for the family or caring for a sick sibling (when it happens consistently).
emotional parentification: This type of parentification It occurs when a child must satisfy the specific emotional needs of the parents. In these cases, children are expected to discover the parents’ emotional needs, respond to the need and provide support. For example, explain economic or psychological problems to your children and ask them for support.
How do I know if I have been a parentified child?
The children who have been parentified may show the following symptoms:
Stress and anxiety: The responsibility that implies parentification It can cause children to suffer from stress and/or anxiety.
Physical symptoms: A child may complain of stomach pains or headaches that have no known cause.
Unstable behavior: Children who have experienced this may react aggressively or defiantly at school and in other settings.
Restricted development: Children with this type of trauma may be reluctant to participate in activities that their peers participate in and may not even be able to enjoy playing with others.
During adolescence, these symptoms may appear as the following features:
Not recognizing feelings: A parentized child They end up learning to ignore their own feelings because they must take on the emotional responsibility of the parents. Thus, during adolescence, the person may lose the ability to put their feelings into words.
Culpability: Without parental support, teens may blame themselves and doubt their abilities.
Feeling of having lost childhood: Many adolescents who have suffered from parenting often have the feeling that they have lost their childhood. This can even contribute to the development of a depressive disorder.
Substance use: Adolescents may use drugs and/or alcohol as a way to manage negative emotions that may arise due to parentification
Adults suffering from parentification During their childhood their lives may be affected due to the following effects of suffering from this childhood trauma:
Problems enjoying or ‘letting go’: Growing up, feeling that you had to be responsible for the family, also meant putting aside playing and learning to have fun. Therefore, adults who have this trauma may have difficulty enjoying themselves.
Always wanting to be in control: The feeling of lack of control can put many difficulties for adults who suffered from parentification
Lack of trust: Because these people were not given any emotional support from parents, they sometimes tend to distrust others.
You don’t know how to set limits: The people that suffered from parentalization During childhood they may feel that they do not know how to set limits for others, which ends up becoming a problem.
More empathy: The parentification It also causes people to develop a greater sense of empathy and the ability to connect more closely with others.
Pacifier: People with this childhood trauma can constantly play the role of peacemaker, because they assumed this role during childhood.
Not feeling valued: Finally, those who suffered from parentification They can also see that their efforts towards others are never valued because everyone expects these people to behave in a more responsible and sacrificial way with those around them.
Relationship difficulties: The parentification It can lead to children experiencing insecure attachment, which means they end up developing problems trusting others and preferring to be more self-sufficient. In fact, these people may get involved in unhealthy relationships and take on a caregiver role even when they don’t want to because that is the role they know how to play. In fact, they often worry about feeling abandoned by others.
Mental and physical health problems: According to different studies, suffering from childhood trauma can increase the probability of developing mental and physical health problems.
If you think you have suffered from parentification During your childhood, it is important that you go to a professional psychologist to treat all the effects that this trauma can have on your life. Even so, you should know that adults who were parented tend to develop skills that allow them to be more sensitive, empathetic, kind and intuitive. In this way, to ‘heal’ this trauma, we recommend the following tips:
Recognize your situation: Furthermore, the first step in addressing this trauma is to recognize that you were really in this situation. In many cases, since this trauma is invisible to others, people may have difficulty gaining recognition for the things they have endured.
Start prioritizing yourself i: Start prioritizing your needs before jumping in, rescuing or pleasing others. For this reason, it is important to know when to say ‘no’ and start setting limits for others.
Cultivate self-compensation: Instead of demanding more from yourself, try to cultivate self-compassion. In fact, people who have suffered from parenting often assume that things are their fault. The inner critic often ends up telling them that they are not doing enough. Instead of cultivating this perfectionism or excess control, try to be more compassionate and understand where your responsibilities end.
Work on your self-esteem: People who have suffered from parentification They usually see their self-esteem and sense of personal value greatly damaged. Therefore, it is essential to focus on it and work on this aspect.
The parentification It ends up affecting our adult lives. For this reason, it is vital to realize that you experienced this problem and work to heal your inner child.
