How To Make Decisions Without Fear Of Making Mistakes: A Practical Guide
Steve Jobs decided at some point in his life that his clothing was always going to be limited to the same pieces: Jeans, a turtleneck, and if it was cold, one of the simplest jackets, all in one color, not flashy, and with some sneakers. Comfortable and casual without being inappropriate on any occasion, although some colleagues probably made fun of his look.
For Jobs, clothes should not be a very relevant issue in his life; he wanted to save the time and energy he spends in the morning thinking about what I am going to wear today for more important issues in his company. And so it is, it has been proven that a very useful strategy to simplify life is to eliminate decision moments or reduce the elements from which I have to choose. Making decisions is a challenging mental activity and we face it at all times of the day Strategies to alleviate daily life, like that of Steve Jobs, are then recommended to reduce the mental load and be able to focus on what is relevant.
But here comes the most important question: What is relevant? Should we all make the same cuts and move to a more minimalist life in order to function better? Obviously not For many people, the look of the day is the icing on the cake, what makes life worth living and if tomorrow they receive recognition for their great work performance, it matters little to them.
Whether a decision is important or not is very subjective, however, there are situations where a bad decision can affect our lives in an irreversible and transcendental way. Maybe a new job offer, which always has its pros and cons, staying in a conflictive relationship or ending it, moving to a new place of living, changing careers… this is the world we live in.
We all find ourselves again and again at starting points on our path. How do we know which is the “correct” path without having the map already drawn in front of us? I share here three important aspects that can serve as a compass for you right now. That is to say, an orientation that allows you to see where the arrow is pointing when you don’t have a map in your hands
The first blocking factor we face when faced with a difficult decision is the idea that there is only one indicated option, as in betting. If I aim well I win, while if I aim wrong I lose. The belief in the correct decision comes from the illusion of a pre-written map where I assume that the indicated path is only one and it depends solely on my intelligence and mental effort to find it, as in a maze.
If I decide wrong, I lose and that is due to my lack of ability to foresee well where I had to go. If we face decisions in this way, not only the result that the decision gives us is at stake but also our self-esteem Because deciding wrong would mean that I was unable to see the signs that were “obviously” there, I lacked vision, cunning or naivety to solve it.
But in reality, having options in daily life does not work as a game of luck, but rather means nothing more than that in the first place, that I have options and that is a positive thing. There are gains and losses on both sides. There is no single solution and no single place to reach the final, but just the opposite, we can choose again and again and each decision depends more than anything on what we have already learned and achieved up to this point.
You will also see challenges on both or either side you choose: What problems do you prefer in exchange for what gains? With that we come to the second aspect: What is relevant to you in your very particular moment? Only you know yourself well enough to know how you want to continue
2. What is relevant to you? What are your values, priorities and strengths?
Here I return to the example of Steve Jobs and his decision to abandon fashion to focus on what was most relevant to him in particular. In this sense, more than knowing your path, you must know your priorities, resources and principles. What is important and meaningful to you in life? Do you know your values and principles? What strengths will accompany you on your journey and how can you best apply them? Our personal values are our compass.
I talk a lot about this topic with my therapy clients, given that personal values are transversal in every aspect of our life: Personal, professional, as a couple and as mothers and fathers At the same time, we are not so clear about them and it is part of a process of self-knowledge as is often carried out in therapy, to identify them. They can also change throughout life.
Personal values are those that define you as a person and as a personality. Are you someone who values security and responsibility more than freedom or transformation? It’s okay, anything goes, that’s why it’s called value. The important thing is that you are the one who defines the values for yourself. You can choose harmony over honesty or, on the contrary, your values and intentions will be what takes you where you want to go.
Strengths and resources are your tools along the way: What do you already have to take path A? What accompanies you going down path B? And here again, if you value growth and transformation you may prefer to choose the route that most challenges you and forces you to learn new things. If you are in a moment where your priority is stability and lightness, you choose what is going to be most familiar to you
3. Where do you want to go?: Do you have expectations, dreams, visions?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10 years what are you going to do? What images come to your mind when thinking about the future? When faced with transcendental decisions we must always take the long-term view into account. We all have visions, sometimes they are still blurry, but there are situations where the question about the future suddenly changes everything.
If you wanted this new job that gives you a little more stability and income, at the same time it is something that you would not want to do for your entire life, it would be a solution for the moment. With your partner you have beautiful moments of connection and intimacy, but you can’t imagine living with him/her. Thinking long term often gives us a surprisingly quick answer. It is the moment where intuition kicks in and although the short-term solution is tempting, suddenly you know that it is not there
I once read that there are two ways to make decisions: Out of fear or out of conviction I decide out of fear if my arguments lean more toward external expectations and threats. This happens when we give more importance to what other people tell us or when we think about how our decision can affect us as a member of our social context.
But the judgments of other people, especially close ones, are usually biased by their own fears. For example, our parents will generally advise us to choose the safest path according to their convictions (a job with a fixed salary rather than entrepreneurship) because as parents they want their children to be safe.
The most dominant narratives and values in society also influence here: What will give you more status, social recognition, etc All these factors should not contaminate your process to make your own decision. Which makes it more difficult in the first place because it means that you will be the only one responsible when something goes wrong and you cannot blame it on the bad advice of a family member or friend, nor can you use the excuse that you tried to do the right thing because you did it. what everyone would have done.
Making a decision out of conviction is knowing your values, resources and visions and putting these first. You can also consult other people, it is good to share ideas and doubts with someone, keep an open mind for what perhaps you have not yet considered, but it cannot be others who decide for you.
