Anatomy Of A Grievance Collector – Characteristics And Test

A grievance is, according to the dictionary of the Royal Academy of the Spanish Language, a “offense or harm done to someone’s rights and interests.” At the level of interpersonal relationships, grievance occurs when one person does something slight, contempt, discourtesy, contempt or offense to another.

The grievance collector feels the target of insults and slights of the people around him. This way of being and conducting oneself in life is not typical of any particular culture or specific social stratum. Grievance collectors abound in all contexts: work, school, neighborhood, etc. Grievances are a mania as widespread as it is harmful, which act as heavy burdens that prevent people from enriching themselves in dealing with other people and rob them of moments of happiness. The attitude of collecting grievances is a byproduct of the pseudoculture of intolerance and the depersonalization of human relationships.

For this type of person, the offenses or harm, in most cases, do not result from a real situation or malicious attitude, with premeditation and treachery on the part of the supposed aggressor, but rather from a projection of theirs that He sees “grievances” where there are none.

This type of person, given their hypersensitivity, has the tendency to see (imagine) in life circumstances, and in people’s attitudes and gestures, the confirmation of “injustice and abuse” of which it is supposedly the object. Their extremely suspicious mind is capable of associating any opinion, sign or expression of other people as contempt or offense. He also has a great ability to perceive supposed “bad faces”, “snub gestures”, “frowns”, or “long faces” towards him or her.

The grievance collector is a professional offense finder, very diligent and persevering in the job of collecting grievances. As Guillar Gaylin puts it: “They are the seekers of sadness who in each grievance find another treasure for their collection.” The saying “he who seeks finds” could well be applied to this type of character. As he tenaciously searches for grievances, he ends up finding them; He also ends up hurt more times and suffers more, which reinforces his “victim mentality.”

The role best played by the grievance collector is that of victim, and from that position establishes relationships with the other, even when he (she) does not perceive it that way.

People who are grievance collectors never recognize that they are receiving what their attitudes, abilities, and efforts deserve. This people They tend to think that life is unfair to them They are advanced students in the “art of victimization.” They constantly blame other people, the state, the economy, the stars, or life itself, for their mistakes and failures, so they are incapable of learning from their mistakes, condemning themselves to repeat them cyclically.

They constantly need a scapegoat. When it is not her boss who is unfair, it is her in-laws who are bad, or her friends who take advantage of him (her); And they still have as a wild card their parents who did not love them enough, or the state that is not competent, or the stars whose influence they cannot overcome. Everything is living in a negative experience.

The grievance collector also has a great memory to store all types of “affronts”, disappointments, negative experiences or “offenses”, which place him in the position of victim, which he accumulates as pending accounts, bitterness, sorrows and resentments, which feed his neurosis, and which at the same time They allow him certain “profits” by using all that baggage to emotionally manipulate and blackmail those around him.

People who collect grievances are hyper-distrustful. Distrust of your work clothes and luggage when establishing relationships with others. They live suspecting supposed “bad intentions” and conspiracies of others.

As a result of being so overprepared, it is difficult for them to establish deep and meaningful relationships, which is why they end up driving people away from each other They risk little in relationships. They think that people are constantly trying to take advantage of them, so they tend to act with extreme caution when interacting with others. By acting with so much distrust, they provoke the rejection of others, which makes them more distrustful.

On the other hand, this type of person it is difficult for him to receive praise, recognition or expressions of appreciation. They see in every gesture of courtesy and kindness a “trap”, some double intention, some conspiracy.

Being so distrustful makes them live defensively, so their management style is more reactive than proactive. They live in a state of tension since they need to be constantly on alert to avoid being taken advantage of. The grievance collector is on a constant “witch hunt,” distrusting the intentions of others.

On the other hand, grievance collectors have a negative attitude and they are from pessimistic character – trade skeptics. They do not realize that their own negative attitude is what earns them the dislike and relegation – lack of sympathy – of other people. In most cases it is their own attitude that generates segregation and the indifference of other people.

Like prophets of their own disaster, they tend to magnify the problems and situations in your life, and to harbor catastrophic expectations about your future. They are also very skilled at finding the negative side of circumstances. Their tendency to expect the worst keeps them in fear.

Anyone can become bitter about an adverse outcome; But systematically making life miserable is a trade that is learned, a skill that requires working, a competence that must be installed. In this matter of suffering offenses, slights and injuries the collector of grievances has become an expert; He has perfected feinting to the point of making it an art. The grievance collector is a chronic bitter For this person, living bitterly, with resentment, carrying grievances, has become a way of being and being in the world, characterized by constant bad mood, resentment, intolerance and bitterness of spirit. They live with resentment as a mechanism to not forget the wounds and fall into the temptation of trusting again. Resentment feeds the roots of bitterness, making you unable to forgive.

Some have been able to take the enterprise of becoming bitter too far, to unsuspected limits and levels difficult to believe, imagine, or emulate; They are the champions of bitterness. These are people who are experts in the art of becoming bitter; skilled teachers, as Paul Watzlawick says, in make everyday life unbearable and the trivial becomes excessive. Even the most trivial events can seem of epic proportions, only to end up making life bitter.

Some grievance collectors have achieved exceptional performances, worthy of recognition from the Guinness Book of Records. These have so perfected the technique of becoming bitter that they are capable of generating misfortune and failure in the total withdrawal of their own head, without any third party intervening.

Bitterness is a disease of the soul that leads to unhappiness It also robs people of the joy and joy of living, it deprives them of falling in love and joy for life. They lose enthusiasm for their endeavors in life. Bitterness impoverishes spiritually; It prevents people from growing through nurturing contact with others.

Let’s look at some of their behavioral manifestations:

• You constantly feel like a victim of some person or situation.
• He often views life with pessimism.
• Many times you feel excluded from some group.
• It is difficult for you to take responsibility for the negative things that happen in your life; or worse yet, it is difficult for you to recognize the positive things that happen in your life.
• You often feel misunderstood and not taken into account.
• You tend to magnify and personalize disagreements and arguments with other people.
• You commonly feel overwhelmed and overwhelmed by circumstances.
• They rarely or never ask for feedback on other people’s perceptions.

At this point there is an obligatory question that I would like to ask you again: Are you a grievance collector? I invite you to reflect on the following questions, which may give you some clue as to whether you may be behaving like a grievance collector.

• Do you constantly feel slighted, misunderstood, belittled, or wronged by life or the people around you?
• Do you think people treat you unfairly?
• Do you jump to conclusions, forming your own judgments, without validating with people, perceptions and facts?
• Do you tend to take things on the tragic side?
• Do you have a negative style of reacting to events and circumstances that happen to you? Maybe fatalistic?
• Do you live with general discontent?
• Do you constantly blame other people for your mistakes and failures?
• Do you believe in bad luck?
• Do you hold resentment in your heart?
• Do you think no one takes it into account?
• Do you constantly feel like a victim of circumstances or other people?
• Do you feel constantly attacked by other people?
• Do you think your problems are bigger than other people’s?

If you answer yes to most of the questions, then you are a grievance collector. Discovering that you are a collector of grievances can be an unpleasant surprise. Some people are not aware that they suffer from this mania.

This job of going through life collecting and collecting grievances creates a type of difficult individual to cope with for the rest of the people; a company that no one wants to be with, an unwanted guest; a non-guest with whom most people do not want to share, work or study. This type of person creates a lot of static (conflict, ambiguity and uncertainty) in relationships with others, because they are so difficult to decipher and cope with.

If you are a collector of grievances you need to force yourself to look “the grievances” in the face. People are not normally harsh and unfair, or indifferent and insensitive, nor are circumstances permanently conspired against them. It takes a lot of strength of spirit to face grievances, confronting and validating people’s perceptions. Apparent slights or slights are almost always due to inadvertence, concern or simple ignorance, rather than incorrect motivations or bad desires.

Offenses and grievances are heavy baggage that is difficult to carry. Carrying that backpack of “disgraces and injustices” for a long time wears out and overwhelms the soul. If you are a grievance collector, you need take a break, give yourself a truce. You need to free yourself from that baggage. Now, letting go of that baggage can be difficult to achieve, since you have carried it for so long that it is already part of you; defines him. However, living collecting grievances in a distorted and dysfunctional way of being and being in the world. You may realize that this way of being and relating to others has damaged your relationships, made you unhappy, impeded your personal growth, and turned you into a dysfunctional person. Therefore, you need to face the grievances, and let go of that heavy backpack, in order to regain a healthy balance.

If you are a collector of grievances, I invite you to justify the grievance and then throw it out the window. Do not keep it in an urn and then enjoy looking at it. Grievance is a heavy burden. Don’t let it sink into your mind to proliferate like poisonous bacteria in your emotional circulatory system, turning your heart into a flower garden of negativity, pessimism and hopelessness whose roots of bitterness dry out your spirit and inject negativity and pessimism into other people. .

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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