In this article we will focus on the construction of emotional bonds in the 4th stage of development that includes from 12 to 18 years for a higher quality of parent/child relationship.
The more the child grows, the more he or she needs forms of affection complex and human. That is, the affection changes as the child grows. That is why we go from giving affection to our children by meeting their needs and having physical contact in the first stage (0 to 3 years), and then move on to the second (3 to 6 years) where fun and having a good time are essential. From there we enter the third stage (6 to 12 years) where the recognition of the person is the way to build affection and create a positive identity, but in the fourth stage (12 to 18 years), that way of building affection is the highest and most transcendental, therefore, the most difficult to grant, especially because in our society we do not usually do that.
Why is it important for adolescents to receive affection?
For adolescents, receiving affection from their parents is fundamental From the third stage onwards, discipline and affection go hand in hand. That is why it is very difficult for a teenager who does not have affectionate ties with his parents to behave well. And on the contrary, the lack of affection or the existence of negative bonds of affection can lead him to do a lot of stupid things.
In the adolescent stage that covers the ages of 12 to 18, boys and girls do not want to be treated with kisses or hugs, or at least it is not the main way to build love or emotional ties with them. But, then you will wonder, what is the way to build affection With the adolescent, what do they require?
The answer is very simple: Acceptance. Acceptance allows the construction of an emotional bond between parents and children between 12 and 18 years old. You see, it is very easy to give hugs, to feed, it is easy to play and talk with your children, learn to recognize the good things they have, helping them create their identity, but accepting them, even with those things that do not seem like them to us, is difficult, and is precisely what adolescents need.
This is the type of affection that is least known use with teenagers Parents are experts at rejecting: “I don’t like your friend”, “I don’t want you to get tattoos”, “don’t go with that girl”, “don’t go out now”, etc., and all because the child is not like we want it to be.
How am I going to accept things from my child that are wrong?
First, I’ll say… We need to stop treating teenagers like they’re stupid, because they’re not. And those who act as such, it is simply because their parents treated like fools Or like what they don’t want it to be.
For example:
“Parents who complain that the boy is lazy and doesn’t want to study. But they don’t realize that they always buy him what he wants, he has all the comforts, and, furthermore, the parents always solve his life.” That is to say, with what face can we complain to this boy for not wanting to study if from his perspective he does not need it. Well, he already has someone to solve his life. Why waste time trying to study to have a good job if at this moment he has everything to enjoy life.
“What I mean is, how you treat your child is how he will behave.” So if you think your child doesn’t has the capacity to know what is right and what is wrong, and you treat it as such, your child will behave as such.
Another thing we must understand is that the acceptance, does not mean allow or consent. There are many things that we may not like about their attitude or their tastes, but we can show them acceptance and firmness at the same time.
I give you an example:
“If you tell us you want to get a tattoo” Do not disqualify him by telling him that this is for criminals, and similar things. What do you think your child feels and thinks if you treat him like that?
Instead, I suggest that if you listen to him, you ask him where I want to wear it, you ask him to show you designs, and you tell him that it would look good on him, but that, although you accept that that is what he wants, for responsibility You cannot allow it while it is a minor. Because it is likely that he will regret it later or have negative consequences, and it would be irresponsible of you to allow him to do so. But that when he is of age, he will be able to do whatever he wants, with his body, and that you would very much like him to show it to you if when he is an adult you still want to wear it.
Finally, another point that generates emotional ties Apart from acceptance, it is talking about the tastes of the children, it is an excellent way to show affection to the adolescent of this stage. And if the son sees that you want to listen to him, accepting her tastes, he will greatly appreciate it. And he will feel loved by your side, instead of rejected and humiliated. If you need help, and don’t know how to do it, contact us. We are available to assist you.
