How Can I Overcome The Fear Of What Others Think Of Me?

Everyone likes others to have a good opinion of themselves. We like to receive positive reviews and we get sad or angry when the review is negative. Thus, the “what they will say “others is something that seems out of fashion but when it comes down to it, it is still something important to most of us. Otherwise, fashions would not exist, for example. We worry about how we dress, we change our hair color in depending on trends, etc.

From a young age we are educated to be affected by the opinion that others have of ourselves. How many times have your immediate family members made statements like: “you won’t be embarrassed to wear those clothes”, “how your grandmother sees you, she’s going to be upset”, etc. From the moment we are born we are conditioned to what people will say, so it is inevitable that they give us a certain fear negative opinion However, there are people who are greatly affected by it, and others who are not so concerned. Obviously it is much better not to get carried away by the opinions that others have about you, but… how can it be achieved?

What makes me care so much about other people’s opinions?

First of all, you have to know the aspects that influence giving a lot of importance to the outside opinion:

1. Education received: What our immediate family marks on us sets a precedent. If it is important to your parents opinion of others they will instill it in you and you will also observe it in their behaviors, so it is quite likely that you will end up copying patterns.
2. Low self-esteem: There are people who feel inferior to absolutely everyone. Therefore, the anyone’s opinion It will be tremendously important, much more important than your own. Even if she doesn’t know the person in front of her, she will always think that he/she is better than him/her and therefore, her opinion will be the one that counts.
3. Fear of rejection: He fear of being rejected It is closely related to low self-esteem. If you do not value or appreciate yourself, you will feel that you do not deserve others to be by your side but at the same time you will fear that this will happen, since we are social beings. However, since you believe you are unworthy of appreciation, you will end up digging your own grave, since your fearful, excessively cautious or introverted behavior will inevitably end up generating rejection.
4. Poor social network and isolation: Many people who They are afraid of what they will say They are very introverted and shy, with low self-esteem and fear of rejection, so their social network will be scarce as a result. On other occasions, friendships end up being lost due to the isolation that comes with facing those fears every day. It’s easier to bury your head in the sand than to face ghosts.
5. Lack of social skills: Glibness, conversation topics, how to start and maintain conversations, knowing how to use humor and sarcasm, making requests, accepting and giving praise, etc. All those resources are difficult for many people who are afraid of what people think of them. That’s why it’s so hard for them to develop those skills, because they don’t put them into practice.

I will put a example of a girl who came to therapy to express what the fear of other people’s opinions can imply. She had a poor self-image. She is a very pretty girl, young, intelligent, with great gifts and resources, but tremendously shy. Her fear of what others thought of her led her to extremes such as not running if she saw the bus passing even though she knew that the next one would not come for another half hour, carrying heavy bags so as not to carry a shopping cart along. afraid that they will think she is a slut, always have her hair perfectly combed, make-up done (lightly because if she put on a lot of make-up she thought they would think she was a slob) and with her clothes ironed, she never expressed disagreement, nor did she give her opinion unless asked. , she did not look people in the eyes and it was a great ordeal for her when the bus card beeped because it was defective and they thought she wanted to sneak in. She also did not enter bars, restaurants, cinemas, etc. alone and always had to leave the house having gone to the bathroom, because what would they think of her if she entered the bathroom of a bar without consuming anything. Do you feel identified? It’s time to change.

What can you do to overcome the fear of other people’s opinions?

1. Consider your wants and needs: Surely what’s happening to you is that you want to please others or, on the contrary, you don’t want to upset anyone. Whatever the case, think about whether that effort goes beyond your needs and desires. By please or believe that you please others, you are causing harm to yourself. Sometimes it’s important to take care of yourself and do what you think is good for yourself without considering what we think others would want.
2. Value yourself and work on your self-esteem: Why is what others think (anyone) going to be more important than what you believe? If you don’t give importance to yourself, others won’t either. It is not that you now become an egomaniac or selfish person, but that you can find the middle ground between not valuing yourself and being arrogant. Consider your skills, resources and values. Everyone has virtues, so try to discover them and if you don’t find them, think about how you would like to be, what virtues you would have and get to work to achieve them day after day.
3. Improve your social skills: Observe how others do it to start or maintain conversations, how praise is received and how it is given, how people express their opinion in an assertive way, etc., and then practice it yourself. First do it with people you trust, with those people who know you and are less afraid of challenging yourself, and little by little, you expand these challenges to other people.
4. Expand your social network and avoid isolation: Surely you are more comfortable at home watching a series than facing your fears, but to overcome them, you have to challenge yourself. Go out, meet new people, try to recover friendships that have gone cold, etc.
5. Analyze that fear of negative evaluation: Do you really think that people observe everything you do so much? What does it matter to people if you order a coffee and there is no one next to you? Many times that shame or fear of negative evaluation are ghosts that do not exist. Question all those beliefs that bind you and make you feel imprisoned. And even if someone could judge you, isn’t it better to drink that coffee than not to for fear that someone will judge you, if you don’t even know who they are and perhaps you will never see them again? Accepting that people judge is also growing up, but even if they judge you, you have to prioritize your own needs over what others may think of you.
6. Ask for professional help: If you cannot do all of the above on your own, ask a psychology professional for help, with your therapist you can overcome all these fears once and for all.