Adult Children Who Have Suffered Lack Of Recognition By Their Parents
Where does this lack of recognition come from? And why is it so important for personal development? What can an adult who did not receive recognition do?
I will start by defining the recognition such as personal “achievements”, skills, abilities, attitudes, virtues, materials, etc.
That said, the lack of recognition of a son or daughter’s achievements usually comes from families who are authoritarian, demanding, difficult to please and unpredictable in their reactions. These kinds of parents give their children a kind of conditional love, that is: “I love you, if you do it as I say or expect, otherwise, you will not receive anything from me.” And this expression taken to examples from childhood: “If you behave well, I will buy you an ice cream”, “If you get a good grade, I will give you a bicycle”, if not, I will not give you anything, etc. An interaction like this generates in children a atrophied self-esteem with anxiety and personal insecuritybut also, it leads them to create perfectionist adults.
These types of families are incapable of psychologically and emotionally validate their children and approve of their achievement behavior. So much so that when a son or daughter makes a mistake, instead of seeing it as something fundamental for every human being to develop a healthy image and a positive sense of their personality, they ruminate on the thought of mistake all the time, not accepting changes and losing sight of new opportunities. Examples like: Why did you act like that?”, “You shouldn’t have done that,” “You’ll never achieve anything, you’re a disaster,” “You shouldn’t have said that,” “I don’t think it’s a big deal,” etc., are expressions used by these families. In short…negative voices that abort recognition in children for some type of achievements!
It turns out that the recognition It is a pillar of self-esteem, it is a key to the development of personal security. When the person’s virtues and abilities are recognized (without reaching obsessive extremes) to move forward and achieve things, emotional, performance, social, family self-esteem, etc. is healthyly reinforced. And those responsible for transmitting this recognition, as the first social circle, are the parents, the family. Therefore, healthy family recognition of the achievements of a son or daughter is important.
We all need to be recognized because with recognition our VALUE as a human being is revealed to be happy with maturity and integrity: as someone who is loved and deserves to be loved.
Now, what do we experts say when an adult has not been recognized? Adult children who lacked recognition from their parents must look for it within themselves. In it self-recognition, which means being able to give yourself confidence, strength and stability so that you can heal your self-esteem, and have a better vision of the world. But, if you have difficulties starting this process of self-recognition on your own and need help, or to overcome perfectionism, contact us. We help you achieve it!
