Have you ever wondered if other mothers face the same stress as you when trying to balance their work and personal lives? Do you feel like time flies while your children grow quickly and you pursue your professional goals? Do you feel like you could be more involved or productive both at home and at work? Does it hurt you to say goodbye to your children when you go to work and then feel bad at work because that guilt doesn’t let you focus on your projects as you would like?
It is difficult not to fall into the temptation of wanting to work as if we did not have children or to raise our little ones as if we did not work. This situation fuels feelings of guilt, overwhelm, stress, and even defeat, which can lead to great emotional and physical exhaustion.
One of the main sources of guilt for working mothers are social, cultural, and family expectations about the role of women Much progress has been made on this issue but women are still expected to be able to do everything – from caring for and managing their home and children to being impeccable at work. In this context, it is inevitable that working mothers will experience an internal conflict between their identity as mothers and their identity as professionals since they will feel that they are not able to fulfill any of their roles in the way that is expected of them.
Even if a woman has the support of her partner to co-raise the children and co-take care of the home, it is likely that the mandates she has are so unconscious and so ingrained that she always feels that she is not doing her chores or that He is doing things wrong both on one level and on the other.
Added to external expectations, a mother, who works and feels guilty about her situation, can push herself to unrealistic and unhealthy levels. The effort to achieve perfection and have everything under control can contribute to a lot of guilt when these women who are doing their best, feel that they are not meeting their extremely high standards either personally or professionally.
One of the topics that working mothers share with me most in my consultation is the guilt they feel “for not being able to be in all of their children’s special moments.” In general, they are very present mothers but their stress is such that they do not see it, instead, they focus on their absences, such as at some school or birthday celebrations or at sports open houses. They reproach themselves and imagine the worst scenarios for the emotional, spiritual, and intellectual development of their little ones. But what can working mothers do to banish guilt?
1. Set realistic, achievable goals, and aligned with your values
This will reduce the pressure and guilt associated with unattainable expectations.
2. Give yourself permission to delegate and even not to do
Many times those who have children and work do not delegate because they feel that only they can do certain tasks well. This adds pressure and takes time with the children and their projects
3. Cultivate mindfulness or full attention
Accepting emotions without judging them as good or bad. When guilt arises, working mothers can acknowledge it without beating themselves up, accepting that it is a natural response to their situation.
4. Replace the internal critic with the internal coach
It is important that they be able to speak to themselves as the person who loves them most in the world would. First by validating what they feel, then by treating themselves with love, and finally by committing to their overall well-being.
5. Let go of perfection by letting go of impossible standards
It’s time to start embracing the idea that you don’t have to excel in every aspect of life at the same time, and that It’s okay to ask for help when necessary
6. Take care of themselves
Consciously take care of yourself by paying attention to how you talk to yourself, how you eat, how you exercise, and how you nourish your soul. Guilt may appear from time to time but the strength they will develop will be greater.
7. Cultivate gratitude
Gratitude will counteract feelings of guilt. Giving thanks for job opportunities as well as the well-being of your children is essential.
8. Ask for professional help
Resistance at this level manifests itself with excuses such as not having time, energy, or money. Behind this resistance, there is a fear of what they will discover once they begin to peel back the layers of what happens to them. However, Only by opening your eyes and starting to move accordingly will you begin to feel more freedom, tranquility, and have more resources
Conclusions
The guilt experienced by working mothers arises from a complex interaction between social expectations, family dynamics, and self-perception. QTo create a healthy balance between your personal and professional lives, you need to be able to challenge these mandates and beliefs reframe your perspectives, and adopt the mindset and practices necessary to enjoy both your children and your jobs.
