Getting married and starting a family is a goal and desire for many people, since the idea of getting married is practically a social imposition. But marriage, in many cases, can be a very rewarding experience. Without a doubt, finding that person who makes you so happy and with whom you can spend the rest of your life next to them is truly sensational.
However, marriages don’t always turn out the way you expect, and the suffering they cause while living in this type of toxic relationship can seriously affect your emotional health. Toxic marriages exist, and in this article we explain 11 signs to detect them.
A toxic marriage is one in which the rights of some member of the relationship seem to disappear, and the relationship is characterized by constant suffering and conflict It is common that when people live immersed in this toxic situation, they are not really aware of it, largely due to inertia, habit and because, in many cases, there is a certain emotional dependence on the spouse.
Below you can find a list of signs that indicate if you are living in a toxic marriage. However, it is necessary to highlight that all couples can go through bad stages and that the occasional manifestation of any of these characteristics does not necessarily refer to a toxic marriage. That said, the signs to detect a toxic marriage are as follows.
1. Emotional dependence and codependency
Emotional dependence turns marriage into an asymmetrical relationship, causing one of the two members to gain ground and exert control over the other. The cause of this phenomenon is usually found in the insecurity of the dependent person, who is unable to connect with himself, and his happiness depends on others, causing a great fixation or addiction to the partner.
Emotional codependency, on the other hand, despite being a phenomenon just as harmful as the previous one, occurs when one member of the couple is “addicted” to their partner’s dependence, that is, to the need to help them and worry about their well-being. . He is a kind of controller and manipulator, but quieter. Both phenomena interfere with the proper functioning of the marriage and, therefore, cause a lot of pain to the spouses
2. Possessive and controlling behaviors
In toxic marriages there are certain behaviors of control and possession on the part of one of the members of the couple This exerts a great influence on the other, who loses his voice and opinion in the relationship and observes how his freedom is affected. For example, marriage decisions are usually made by one member, who controls the other’s accounts and expenses and even her social networks. All decisions go through him, and he tends to be aggressive if the other gives his opinion on the matter.
3. Limited social life
Limited social life is also characteristic of toxic marriages, so one or both members of the couple stop having close ties with other people. This can occur as a consequence of the control behaviors mentioned above, but also due to excessive emotional dependence or fixation on the partner. Healthy behaviors are those in which partners continue to maintain their own space, and that includes, among other things, having their own friends.
4. Lattice
One of the toxic behaviors that causes the most damage in marriages is jealousy. Low self-esteem is usually one of the origins of this type of behavior, which causes inaccurate beliefs about reality to emerge in the jealous person’s mind and, consequently, they carry out obsessive behaviors. Jealousy causes suffering for both spouses, and over time it makes the marriage become hell.
To a greater or lesser extent it is possible to experience a certain degree of jealousy when we care about someone. But in a marriage of this type, toxic jealousy can manifest itself, for example, with behaviors such as: when one spouse constantly asks about the schedule and questions the facts of his or her partner, gets angry when the other spends time with friends, controls the messages of Facebook secretly and is even capable of going out in search of the other spouse when he doubts his word.
5. Frequent conflicts
Logically, all of these previous points lead to frequent conflicts But, in addition, communication in this type of marriage is usually inefficient and, therefore, can cause serious relationship problems. In a toxic relationship, there is neither a climate of tolerance nor reconciliation encouraged, but quite the opposite: the problem tends to get bigger and bigger and the suffering increases.
6. It makes you suffer
Therefore, toxic marriages cause a lot of suffering and pain And the more time spent in this type of relationship, the worse the consequences may be on an emotional level or on the self-esteem of either spouse. Since the relationship is asymmetrical, it is inevitable that suffering will appear.
7. Manipulation
Manipulative and emotional blackmail behaviors frequently appear in toxic marriages since one of the two members acts according to their interests, and blames, inconveniences and causes fear to the other.
The causes of these behaviors can be varied, although they are normally due to low self-esteem, which causes one of the two spouses to constantly seek confirmation of their partner’s love, causing demonstrations that the other person will not leave them.
People who live immersed in a toxic marriage stop growing as people. Either because they are emotionally dependent, because they are overwhelmed by suffering, or because they have a fragile self-esteem. The truth is that they leave aside personal development behaviors and drown in the toxic dynamics of marriage
9. Lack of respect
Respect is basic in any type of relationship, whether as a couple, family or friendship. When respect is lost, it is impossible for the relationship to work and for the spouses to be happy in the marriage Lack of respect can manifest itself in different ways, for example: when one of the members of the marriage constantly humiliates the other both in public and private or is simply not interested in the achievements of his or her partner.
10. Obsession with the relationship
Toxic relationships end up becoming a vicious cycle that is difficult to get out of. Low self-esteem and emotional dependence cause spouses to stay together, despite suffering, eroding the relationship more and more.
These can become obsessed with the relationship so that no one breathes and there is no respect or communication and, therefore, love disappears and conflicts are present again and again.
