Do you know that having too many expectations ends up being synonymous with feeling frustration? Why is it bad to generate false expectations? Discover the unhappiness behind expectations.
Generate too many expectations It is usually proportional to experiencing less happiness. In fact, it is better to try to accept situations as if they were unexpected than to generate an ideal of events that may not occur.
Everyone has expectations in their daily lives, in fact it is very common for people to get excited about their fantasies about their future. But when an expectation is not fulfilled, most people end up falling into a hole of frustration or disappointment. Therefore, we must try to put aside many of the expectations that we generate daily.
In psychology the meaning of an expectation It refers to the belief that something will happen. These thoughts are derived from hypotheses that we make due to a series of events. Although on some occasions this ideal of events can happen, the reality is that they usually end up being false.
The problem arises when The expectations They guide people’s behavior since they can have a very negative impact on a person’s well-being. So much so that false expectations can lead to problems such as anxiety or depression.
Why do false expectations harm us?
Research shows that people are completely unable to predict how we will feel in different situations. On many occasions we tend to idealize a job, a relationship or different situations. In this way we cling to a ideal of events which in reality will not give us as many benefits as we really believe.
So much so that it has been shown that an event such as winning the lottery not only generates levels of happiness lower than what people expect, but in some cases it ends up evolving into an unhappiness that no one would imagine in a situation of this style. .
It is for this reason that expectations or expectations They can be harmful since sometimes people end up pursuing goals that they don’t really want.
According to studies, this happens since when generating an expectation We do not fully appreciate what we have, causing us to not enjoy the present.
On the other hand, The expectations They can cause significant stress when they do not match reality. This is why false expectations can damage our mental health.
Examples of false expectations
Often the false expectations They are closely related to what the psychologist Jean Piaget pointed out as ‘magical thinking’. This researcher discovered that children often believe that their thoughts can make certain things happen. It is at the age of 7 when children end up overcoming these types of beliefs.
Despite this, there are many people who find it difficult to abandon the idea associated with this ‘magical thinking’ and expectations or an ideal of events. The problem increases when we place our happiness in fulfill expectations Commonly, these thoughts are usually related to the following beliefs.
1. Life should be fair
Life is not fair no matter how much we want it to be. Expecting that by being good to others we will be successful only makes us let’s have expectations that will rarely be fulfilled.
2. People have to understand me
This expectation It is linked to the so-called false consensus bias, where most of us think that a large number of people must think like us. In reality this is not usually the case, since we all have our point of view and it does not have to coincide with ours.
3. Everything will be fine
This is a phrase that can be positive if it is used to gain more confidence in a situation. Despite this, we must be aware that this can generate an expectation that is not really fulfilled.
4. People should be good to me
In the world there are all kinds of people. Some will be willing to help you and others will try to put obstacles in your way. Expecting people to be good is an expectation which generates a lot of frustration.
You can’t change others. Thinking that you have the key to making others behave differently only creates false expectations which most likely will not happen. You can help others see the path, but you are not in control of their attitudes and thoughts.
Why should you control your expectations?
There are a series of benefits linked to mastering The expectations that we generate in our daily lives. Psychologists highlight the following.
You take responsibility for your decisions
When you learn the real meaning of an expectation, that is, you identify it as a mere probability, this allows you to take more control in your decisions. In this way, instead of taking a passive attitude around an expectation, you begin to expect less and act more. So much so that even though you don’t meet your goals, this way of thinking will take you further than simply letting yourself be guided by your expectations.
You separate your desires from your duties
Currently, people are very used to acting on what is called ‘autopilot’. This means that daily we try to fulfill our duties, understanding duties as The expectations that others impose on us (such as the ideals of society or our family).
When people do not fulfill their duties, we end up feeling guilty. If, on the contrary, we manage to do them, we expect a reward that, in most cases, does not reach us. That is, we always lose because we are in a negative emotional state with the situations we face in our daily lives.
By getting rid of our expectations or any thoughts that are a synonymous with an expectation, we end up leaving behind the ideal of events that others impose on us. In this way, leaving expectations aside means getting in touch with what we really want in our lives.
You enjoy the present more
The expectations They try to predict the future through elements of our past. Therefore, expectations move our thoughts into the past or the future. In this way, we fail to be in the present, the only moment that we can enjoy, appreciate and control.
How to manage our expectations?
We would all like to meet our expectations But, as we have seen, thinking about them or focusing your thoughts on this ideal of events is usually counterproductive. Thus, if you want to let go of expectations, psychologists recommend the following actions.
Within Buddhism, the ‘expectant mind’ is referred to as those people who wait for something but do not put in the work to achieve it. To achieve that The expectations do not dominate you, the key is to try to open yourself more to uncertainty and let life flow, that is, live situations without anticipating a specific result.
2. Learn to differentiate false expectations from the most realistic ones
The realistic expectations They can help you prepare for the future. In this way, it is vital to try to separate those thoughts about the future that are really useful to us from those that are simply unlikely fantasies.
3. Talk about your expectations
Believing that others will act as we want will not only bring you personal frustration, but it can also cause certain problems in your relationships. In these cases, it is better to express what is expected of others before generate an expectation
4. Be more flexible
Sometimes we can’t help but believe in our expectations In these cases, the ideal is to try to be more open-minded and adapt to the uncertainty of the future. There are many factors that are beyond our control, so it is crucial to try not to expect everything to go perfectly.
5. Practice gratitude
On many occasions, the people who are generated many expectations They tend not to be aware of everything they have. In order to put aside the expectations that we generate around an event, it can be very effective to practice gratitude towards everything we have. This way you will value the present more than what may happen in the future.
The expectations They can do us more harm than it seems at first glance. In reality, living trying to predict the future with the events of the past only generates frustration. That is why you must learn to enjoy the present without your thoughts taking you to other moments over which you have no control. Learning to do it can be difficult, for this reason it may be advisable to go to a professional psychologist. Leaving behind false expectations is a step to feeling more fulfilled with your life.
