“Happy couples do not have to have the same character, but they do have a better understanding of their differences” (anonymous).
What should you avoid when communicating with your partner? How can you improve interaction?
Communication is the area that deteriorates the most when facing a relationship crisis. In this sense, “communication distorters” negatively affect the communication exchange (FJ Labrador, 2015):
Excessive labels: when the relationship crisis worsens, expressions such as: “you are a disaster”, “you do everything wrong”, “you never understand anything” appear; that refer to the “being” of the other member; presupposing personality characteristics valued as “negative.” These labels are generalizations (always Is it a disaster or only in certain areas? can anyone do all bad, that is, to be completely useless?; With normal intelligence, is it possible not to understand nothing?) that are experienced by the interlocutor as a direct attack on your self-conceptso you will not feel empathy towards whoever makes the judgment, favoring a inert discussion (that does not contribute anything positive to the couple).
Vague terms: this is the most common communication errorand the less detected. It consists of using phrases that can be interpreted in different ways for each of the members of the couple. Thus, frustration increases as it is verified that the desired behavioral change in the partner has not been achieved. For example: “I would like you to help me more with the housework”, is a statement not very specific and subject to various interpretations (The partner may believe that by carrying out a couple of errands, they are helping enough, and the other person may not think the same.) However, if the following is expressed: “I would like you to take out the trash while I pick up the child’s toys, and then make dinner”, it is correctly specified. what is desired from the otherwithout giving room for misunderstanding.
Inconsistency in messages: emotional ambivalence can hinder communication through emission of two contradictory messages (verbal or non-verbal). For example: if a person gets angry with his partner, he stops talking to him, but after a while he meditates about the crisis they are going through, becomes moved and hugs the other. without having had a prior conversationthe other member He doesn’t know what has happened in his head for him to take that step.being probably a person with a fickle character (when in reality, there was a previous thought process, which has nothing to do with improvisation or emotional impulse).
Sarcasm: when an ironic tone of voice is used, with messages that can hurt, communication is not favored. In this case, you are not managing a conflict, but acting with anger to harm the other.
In addition to avoiding erratic communication, it is very important to choose: the moment appropriate (e.g. when neither of you is in a hurry or excessively tired), the place (e.g. where they cannot be interrupted and privacy can be respected) and how to transmit the message (e.g. not getting carried away by emotions, trying to be as calm as possible).
In this sense, the main communication objectives They are: establishing assertive communication, modifying rigid beliefs and proposing solutions to the problems encountered.
The couple is constantly evolving, so sometimes they will have to be redirected by providing behavioral guidelines that help them overcome the crises they are going through.
“Happy couples do not have to have the same character, but they do have a better understanding of their differences” (anonymous).
