How to Overcome a Separation When There Are Children

A separation is always a painful event, even when it occurs by mutual agreement. The circumstances of a separation are always complex, but they are even more so when the couple has children since this change also affects the family situation.

At the same time, children are a stimulus of strength and motivation to try to maintain a cordial relationship with the ex-partner, thinking mainly that they suffer as little as possible. ¿How to overcome a separation when there are children ? At PsychologyFor, we offer you quality information based on emotional intelligence.

How to deal with a separation when there are small children

In a situation of this type, it is common for the parents themselves to feel emotional vertigo and concern for the new stage. The whole family is experiencing a process of adaptation to change. It is recommended that as an adult, you have support outside your own family nucleus to be able to share with those people the feelings and doubts surrounding this process. This external support is therapeutic to enhance relief and reduce stress. To the extent that you take care of yourself, you avoid passing on your own discomfort to your child.

1. Be patient and face the situation calmly

Trust that time helps put things in their place. Maybe you look around you and see the example of an ex-couple who maintains a cordial relationship and you feel that you have to make a great emotional effort to be able to maintain this criterion right now. Time is important to soothe the wounds of the first moment and let the distance help calm the suffering. Remember that this moment will pass.

try give normality to the new family situation without establishing constant comparisons with the previous stage. Now you no longer have a role as a couple, however, you do have the great responsibility of loving your children unconditionally and educating them in solid values. Therefore, you can focus communication on those aspects that have to do with childcare. Setting common goals can be especially effective at this time.

2. Develop communication strategies

It is advisable to promote techniques for effective communication with the children’s teachers because they may observe a change in their attitude or want to share some assessment. Home and school are two of the most important spaces in a child’s life. For this reason, it is advisable to establish bridges of dialogue between both scenarios.

3. Work on your empathy and emotional intelligence

Think about the common good In a situation of separation you may experience feelings of individualism, however, from a rational point of view you can redirect the situation by observing how the common good enhances your own well-being and that of your children. That is, if your children feel good, you are also better (and vice versa).

Don’t make the universal mistakes that those who have gone through this process so often regret. Be careful with those actions that may be the result of anger. For example, speaking badly about your ex-partner to your children. If you need to vent, write everything you need to express in a letter and then tear up the sheet of paper.

4. Find good therapy

Ask for professional help. A psychologist can guide you with specific suggestions and recommendations regarding the family situation to act in a constructive and pedagogical way. The expert can give you instructions on how to communicate the separation to the children and how to overcome sadness after a separation. In that case, it is advisable not to give excessive details to the children about the reasons for the breakup.

How to deal with a separation with teenage children

Adolescence is a complex stage of life. How to deal with a separation at this time if your children are this age? We offer you the following tips:

• Keep in mind that your family separation should not mean a change in your child’s role with respect to the stage of life he or she is in. He’s still a teenager, is not an adult. Therefore, he deserves to live this period of his life with the responsibilities of his age.
• Listen to your opinion It is important to reinforce active listening to address the adolescent’s point of view. Never put your child in the position of having to show greater preference for you or your ex.
• A separation produces an inevitable change in one’s family situation. However, it is recommended that, as far as possible, the adolescent does not have to face countless changes in her life. For example, parents can make effective decisions to ensure that the young person’s routine remains very similar to what he had before the separation. In this way, despite the changes, you experience the stability of your comfort zone.
• Authority It is true that adolescents may suffer as a result of their parents’ separation, however, this should not be an excuse for excessive overprotection. It is important that those values ​​and those limits that were present in the style of education adopted by the family remain present from now on. And parents must strengthen their communication to share information around this issue. Your role has changed in relation to your partner, however, it has not changed in relation to your child.
• Share quality time with your children Keep creating new family memories. It is important that divorce is not a sudden turning point, but rather a continuation of the family routine itself.
• It is advisable to transmit information about the situation jointly, forming a team In this way, this image also transmits information to the children. It is the information of the collaboration and trust between both.

5 tips to overcome a separation or divorce

1. Talk to other people from your environment who have gone through a similar situation before since they can share with you that vital experience that is so valuable. The advice of people you trust can be a helpful reference that sheds light on you at a time when you may be very confused.
2. Take care of yourself The pain of separation can be so intense that you notice how these emotions alter your own mood. Apply this essential criterion of taking care of yourself not only for yourself, but also for your children. You need to be well.
3. A separation has consequences. However, it is recommended that you remember what was the cause of this decision and be consistent with her. This way, instead of looking at the separation in terms of negativity, you can find meaning in this situation.
4. Promote friendship with your ex It’s not about him being your best friend to tell your personal confidences. However, it is highly recommended that it be someone you trust on issues that affect both of you. Your ex has been an important person to you. Out of respect for that love that you both have experienced, you can try to live up to what this story demands of you.
5. You can form a beautiful family Yes, really, you both want to put aside your differences to prioritize what is most important. Nobody said it was easy, however, this way of acting is a manifestation of love that can also be experienced after separation through humility, the ability to forgive and avoid disrespect in the couple.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to overcome a separation when there are children we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.