Do You Want To Go Live Abroad? 9 Tips To Avoid Suffering Migratory Grief During Emigration
Do you know what migratory grief really is? Why does it occur when there is emigration? Discover the main symptoms and how to overcome it with the help of psychology.
Many people fantasize about a emigration to another country as a way to learn languages, as a life experience, to improve their resume or to escape the precarious employment situation in the country. Be that as it may, this migratory process is presented as something positive, and in fact, television is responsible for launching this type of messages with programs that show Spaniards who are living in other countries and doing very well.
Obviously there are people who are doing well, but going to live abroad alone, even for a while, causes a shock that can be hard to deal with and adapting to the new country can become an emotional odyssey. When this happens, people can suffer what is called the migratory grief But why does this discomfort happen?
There are people who have suffered what we know as immigration grief even being from the same country, not to mention people who cross the pond or those who change their language and religion. In all these cases there is a feeling of sudden lack of identity. Suddenly you feel like a weirdo, different from everyone else. You go from having your family and friends close to having them many kilometers away, and although Skype helps, it is not the same. In addition, you have to learn a new language, customs and even a new religion, look for work to survive, pretend that everything is going well so as not to worry the family, adapt to a new climate, etc. All of this generates great anxiety, helplessness and a feeling of loneliness that can become prolonged and chronic.
People who suffer from immigration grief They do so after a year or two of unsuccessfully trying to adapt. Therefore, before emigrating, you must first prepare emotionally, since it is not a vacation, so do not think of it as leisure time.
Therefore when we we refer to an immigration duel, we understand by this the emotional and cognitive adaptations necessary to process the loss and adapt to the new reality. It would be a completely normal and adaptive process, and it includes symptoms such as emotions considered negative: sadness, anxiety and anger. In addition to that, it can include insomnia or hypersomnia, lack of appetite, etc.
Symptoms usually appear after the first adaptation phase, in which the immigrant is in an acute episode of stress and his attention is oriented outward. It usually happens after 6 months, when you can focus on yourself and your own emotions.
Besides, the migratory grief It has several peculiarities. On the one hand, it is a multiple mourning, since family, friends, weather, nature, food, social status and, in many cases, also the profession are left behind. On the other hand, it is considered partial grief, since it is not irreversible. This peculiarity causes mixed emotions to arise, such as nostalgia for the loss and expectations for the new project. It is also a recurring grief, since this experience is often reactivated.
Aspects that make emigration difficult
There are a number of factors that can cause an emigration ends in an immigration duel, among the most frequent we find the following.
Forced, coerced or unprepared migrations
Preparation rituals can be of great help. People who feel that initiative has been stolen from them have more difficulty adapting during a period of time. immigration process
Traumatic passages
Rapes or robberies on the trip are frequent and the expectations that the person had of the emigration can be replaced by traumatic events.
Polarizations in the family
The ambiguity implicit in the immigration process Sometimes it manifests itself in the family system, one wanting to stay and the other not.
Separations and reunions
The fact that part of the family emigrates at different times and that there are temporary separations and then reunions, means that there is no clarity in family roles and that conflicts can arise.
Transitions in the life cycle
The emigrant person where they belong may be questioned, as in the case of family weddings, funerals or births in the country of origin.
Pathological grief
He immigration grief It has its pathological aspect, when it is not overcome in the appropriate way. It is known as Pathological Grief. Pathological Grief would be one that lasts excessively, that appears delayed due to the person’s inability to connect with the loss at the moment it occurs or that is exaggerated, experiencing it in an intensified, overwhelming way and resorting to inappropriate behaviors. adaptive (depression, panic attacks, substance abuse, etc.). It can also occur in a masked way, with physical or psychological symptoms that the person does not relate to the loss.
These are some of the signs that may indicate that a person suffers from this migratory grief In these cases, it is necessary for the individual who is suffering to consult with a professional psychologist.
How to avoid or end immigration grief?
A emigration It can be a very difficult process. For this reason, to avoid or counteract the psychological effects of migratory grief, psychologists recommend the following tips.
1. Assess and analyze which destination is best for you
The destination you choose to go on vacation can be very different from the ideal destination to live. Surely you will look at it based on job opportunities, but think that the topics that can cause the greatest emotional impact are: language that you do not master, different religion, climate, culture and customs very different from that of the country of origin, etc. Based on that, choose which are the best emigrations what can you do.
2. Work on your shyness and introversion
Shock therapy is sometimes okay, but it can make you very uncomfortable during the emigration more than unnecessary. If you are an introverted, reserved and shy person, work on all these aspects before you leave, since once there you may or may not get over it. So if you consider yourself an insecure and shy person, before giving yourself a hard time for nothing, work on these aspects in therapy.
3. Prepare to be the foreigner
Get used to the idea that you will have to do paperwork and procedures to prove certain things. They will not make it easy for you in certain countries, as they may be reluctant to the emigration So get used to the idea that you can find both people who make your way easier and people who put a spanner in your wheel and even behave in a racist and/or xenophobic way.
4. Take with you objects that remind you of your identity
It may seem silly, but take a “amulet“, an object that reminds you of your home and placing it in your new home can help you not feel so strange. Also, from time to time try to go to eat at Spanish food places or buy products from your country in a supermarket. Remember that one of the things we miss most when we travel is traditional, homemade food.
One of the important factors for counteract migratory grief It is precisely not resisting changes. The sooner you adapt to them, the better. If the destination country has other meal times, adapt to them; If they drive on the left and you need a car, the sooner you practice the better, etc.
6. Talk and have contact with Spaniards
In an attempt to adapt as quickly as possible, there are people who mistakenly avoid contacting Spaniards. I say it’s a mistake because talking to people from your own country transports you for a moment and helps you overcome your homesickness. This does not mean that you only talk to Spaniards, since perhaps you would be denying reality, but doing so from time to time can be helpful for overcome immigration grief In addition, you can talk about difficulties, help each other and discuss experiences so that the other person will completely understand why they are in the same situation as you.
7. Connect with people from the destination country
The more you interact with people from the destination country, the sooner you will generate a new social network, you will establish friendships and they will be able to help you adapt better by generating leisure routines. They can also explain dynamics and customs that you would otherwise have to discover for yourself during the emigration
8. Be faithful to what you feel and not to what you had initially planned
Sometimes it is necessary to rectify and even if you initially considered that the transfer would be permanent, if you see that you are not quite adapting or what you find is not as beneficial as you thought or expected, it is good to rectify. Avoid acting out of pride, since you can hurt yourself a lot.
9. Mentalize that if you return, when you return people may have changed
While you are away you can idealize what you had in Spain, in the end the memory ends up being selective (either you remember the good or the bad, or even the memories are magnified) and furthermore, while you are away you are changing , in the same way that others do. Therefore, if you return home 3 years later, you may no longer be the same person you left, and therefore, others will have changed as well. Remember that time does not stand still for anyone, and although there are people who think that people do not change, we all do and constantly as we live experiences.
If you keep all this in mind, you probably won’t suffer. immigration grief Or if you suffer from it, let it not last too long and you can be aware of it as well as work on it to be able to enjoy your new home.
