There are many people who feel that, despite the passage of time, they are not able to learn to take control of their lives.
There are those who tend to act without thinking about the consequences of their actions, being extremely unable to control their temptations or desires; In these cases we talk about an impulsive person.
However, impulsivity does not have to be the only cause of that feeling of “I am not in control of what I do”; In certain situations, this discomfort arises from the inability to stop acting according to the wishes and expectations of others, something related to assertiveness problems.
In this article we will address the topic of “how to have control of what I do” focusing on these two types of problematic dynamics.
How can I have control of what I do without impulsivity problems?
Impulsivity is defined as a personality trait characterized by react hastily, quickly and unexpectedly, without weighing the consequences of the actions Some clear examples of impulsive behaviors are: breaking up with a partner for fear of being abandoned, uncontrolled eating, impulsive shopping, constantly having sexual relations without becoming emotionally involved, substance use, among others.
In fact, the abuse of psychoactive substances such as alcohol, tobacco, pharmaceuticals or other types of drugs is quite common among impulsive people. To this, aggressiveness must also be added, that is, the subject loses his bearings and may attack other people and even himself. It seems evident that the most explosive cocktail for an impulsive person would be substance abuse linked to aggressiveness.
In short, impulsivity follows the following pattern: first, the desire to carry out some activity clouds the thought completely, consequently, said activity is carried out without thinking about what will happen and this is when finally, upon seeing the impossibility of go back, feelings of shame, guilt and even regret appear. It has a high comorbidity with disorders such as ADHD, OCD, depression or anxiety. The causes remain unknown although a multifactorial component is assumed; In other words, It is believed to be a combination of genetic and external factors Following this line, it is interesting to comment that certain areas of the brain responsible for this personality trait have recently been discovered.
North American researchers from Yale University, Harvard and Massachusetts Hospital have dedicated years to studying the role of the brain in impulsive behavior. Guided by magnetic resonance images, they measured the size of brain regions and curiously found that impulsivity in young adults is related to a thinner cortex in those areas of the brain responsible for decision making, emotional management and self-control.
As the authors of this study state, the changes in the thickness of these brain structures are related to a subjective perception of young people to act on impulse and of course, with the use of psychoactive substances that we have mentioned previously.
When you feel that insistent desire to do an activity, relaxation and breathing are your best ally. Experts advise taking a deep breath, holding it and releasing it slowly. It is a way to reduce physiological activation since a message is sent to the brain to slow down With this you can think better and avoid impulsive choices.
2. Know what the trigger is
Identifying whether there is any trigger for impulsive behavior is of utmost importance. If you can know what situation, emotion or, in short, what stimulus triggers impulsivity, it will be much easier to solve the problem. For it, You can do introspection work to detect the exact moment and it is even recommended to keep a diary where you can write every time something internal or external triggers said behavior.
3. Learn to deal with frustration
We do not always receive what we want or expect. In fact, you could say that there are more times when things don’t work out as planned than the other way around. We mention this since in many cases, impulsivity is a response to feelings of frustration. In this sense, it is important work on cognitive flexibility and learn to have adaptive responses. We must work on managing our emotions and behaviors in situations that generate frustration.
4. Even if it is difficult, reflect
It is very convenient for impulsive people to carry out a reflection process with the aim of anticipate the consequences of your behavior both in the short and long term It is important that they stop, and in that pause they can carry out an exercise of introspection and reflect to reduce the automatic responses that they usually give.
If the problem refuses to go away and/or has a psychopathological cause, it is important to seek professional help as soon as possible.
How can I have control of what I do without assertiveness problems?
As we have seen, the chains that bind us to short-termism and to reproduce over and over again behaviors that harm us more than they benefit us can arise from the fear of saying no, from the lack of assertiveness in personal relationships. Faced with these types of complications, keep these tips in mind to have control over your life:
1. Set clear boundaries from the start
Yeah You show from the beginning what “the rules of the game” are When dealing with you, in case someone ignores those lines, it will be up to him or her to justify why he or she has done so.
2. Practice self-care routines
If you get used to taking care of yourself physically and mentally, you will get out of the dynamic of constant self-sacrifice to earn the approval of others, since You will begin to value more the way you treat yourself
3. Criticize behaviors that you don’t like, without focusing on the person
Since at first it will be quite difficult for you to make an open defense of your rights and priorities, do not complicate yourself unnecessarily: when expressing your dissatisfaction with something, Don’t make it your goal to criticize a person but to their behaviors that you did not like.
4. Don’t assume you owe everyone something
Internalizing the idea that there are no motorcycles to strive for to fit into the desires and expectations of others is necessary to gain control over your life.
