How to Be Less Shy? 7 Keys to Leaving This Fearful Nature Behind

Shyness affects many aspects, in addition to the social aspect, it also affects self-esteem and self-concept. Discover how to stop being shy through these psychological tips.

Stopping being shy is not an easy task, since it is a personality trait and not a way of behaving. The shy people They crave and want to feel better when interacting with people, and when they do so they experience what we call Social Phobia (which is an anxiety disorder, which appears when interacting with others). In contrast to introverted people, shy people want to interact but do not know how to do so, while introverted people enjoy isolation and prefer to be alone depending on the circumstances, not out of fear of what others think of themselves but out of necessity. own.

Shy people have a certain tendency to expose themselves little, they do not tolerate being the center of attention and prefer to go unnoticed for fear of what others think and out of embarrassment. That leads to shy or timid to avoid many social situations and by avoiding it for years, they do not learn or acquire certain skills, which leads them to become clumsy people and not very good in relationships with others. If we add low self-esteem to all this cocktail (often caused by lack of exposure and also by fear of negative evaluation), the result is a poor social life and significant feelings of inferiority.

Although this fearful nature towards others can be corrected, the reality is that shyness and its meaning also implies (if it is mild) positive traits in your behavior. Although you can file and polish a lot that shyness with therapeutic work, if you are shy your goal cannot be to become a “the soul of the party”. Don’t deny how you are, on the contrary, accept how you are. Of course, what you can change is how your shyness affects you and everything you have given up for it.

What does it mean to be shy?

Shyness is a feeling of fear or discomfort that is experienced in front of other people, especially when they are strangers. Being shy is a problem when this shyness ends up being unpleasant for the person who feels it. In many cases the extreme shyness It may be related to the fear that some people feel about what others think of them. These types of fears that arise when talking to people can cause a person to end up inhibiting their ability to form new relationships with others. In this way, a shy person can become synonymous with social anxiety or phobia in certain situations with others.

There are different types of shyness that people experience. There are degrees to which shy women and men often feel a slight sense of discomfort that they can easily overcome. On the other hand, shy nature can make people feel extremely afraid of certain social situations.

The causes behind a reserved or shy person It may be due to certain bad social experiences such as having suffered from bullying or trauma. Apart from this, it is believed that in the vast majority of cases, shy girls and boys tend to have this personality trait due to the way their parents raise them. This happens when they exercise an authoritarian or overprotective figure.

Characteristics of shy people

Although many people believe that be shy It is something negative, the reality is that when this type of behavior is mild, it has certain positive aspects. In this way, shyness has the following positive traits.

1. They generate more interest

The shy people in love They tend to attract more attention than those who are more extroverted. The reason is that this shy nature usually makes people more humble in front of others. When this modesty is slight, people perceive it as a trait that generates more interest towards the person in question.

2. You create more confidence

When the shyness is not extreme and in reality you are a reserved person, others perceive the shy person as a more reliable person with whom to share more. This way, most people will feel comfortable around you even though you feel like you are an introvert or reserved person.

3. You have more inner strength

The fact of dealing all your life with the shyness It makes people who suffer from it have more strength in the face of adversity and more ability to deal with frustrations. Sometimes people take shyness and its meaning as synonymous with weakness when in reality it is not precisely the opposite.

4. Your friendships are deeper

This fearful nature or being an insecure person in front of others can really make people who are most interested in you and your abilities in life approach you. In this way, the friendships you form tend to be deeper and much longer lasting. Therefore, shyness can give you a filter with which to recapture those people who are really worth it to you. Furthermore, when someone has an attitude that is synonymous with shame, it usually means that you avoid trivial conversations and therefore approach those people with whom you can have conversations of interest to you.

5. You enjoy solitude

Be withdrawn and its meaning It also involves that sometimes you prefer to be alone rather than be with many people. So much so that on many occasions shyness is also related to being an introverted person. For this reason, shy people usually enjoy solitude and time with themselves.

6. Independence

Being shy It may also imply that you prefer to do things with your own hands. So much so that sometimes the shy nature implies a much more independent personality in front of others, which means that you can do things on your own without the need for the approval of others.

7. You experience the rewards more

Different investigations show that shy people They react much more strongly to positive and negative stimuli. So much so that even though a shy person experiences certain social situations in a more threatening way, he or she also feels certain positive moments much more rewarding. This happens because sometimes shyness is related to being more sensitive to the environment around us.

On many occasions we believe that be shy It is synonymous with having a problem. But the reality is that sometimes it is simply a trait of our personality that can imply its positive side. Despite this, if you think that shyness is an obstacle for you, you can always count on a professional psychologist to try to remedy these types of attitudes that limit your life.

How to stop being shy?

If it is important to you put aside your shyness there are a series of psychological tips that you can follow to try to change this way of behaving in front of others.

1. Strengthen your self-esteem

Sometimes shyness is related to being a insecure or fearful person due to a lack of self-esteem. If you feel bad about yourself as well as inferior to others, it will be difficult for you to do so from a position of equal to equal when you interact, but rather you will do so by positioning yourself below, undervaluing yourself and therefore, it is difficult for others to do so. They recognize you and cause interest.

Surely you consider yourself a strange or peculiar person, but… And who isn’t? We are all particular and unique, our fingerprint reminds us of this but so does our personality and essence. Discover everything that is good in you, enhance your resources and abilities, value everything that you do well and everything that you are, forget about the social for a moment, value who you are beyond people and if you are not able to See it, it’s time to do self-analysis and train yourself to improve your skills and resources to put aside your extreme shyness

2. Be the best version of yourself

Set new goals for how you want to be, but set realistic goals and work to achieve them. Dedicate time to yourself as well as to improving as a shy person and work on your optimism, because if you trust that you can change and you make an effort, you will surely do so.

3. Non-verbal language speaks volumes

It seems silly but the posture we have, the tendency to cross our arms, cover our faces, etc. can harm you when it comes to relating. Look up, remind yourself that you are just as valid as the person in front of you and speak as naturally as you can. To try to stop transmitting being part of the shy people and their characteristics, a good method will be to try to correct the postures of your body that indicate these insecurities. For example, having a straight back with an upright posture can help you show more security and confidence in yourself.

4. Exposing yourself is essential

Once you feel more capable and can assess your skills and resources, what you are good at and what you are good at, it is time to expose yourself to others. At first you will feel like a fish out of water, but practice is the key to knowing how to be less shy before others. In fact, social skills cannot be acquired if they are not practiced, they are like mathematics.

5. Work on your social skills

How to start a conversation, learn to keep silences, meet new people, ask for a favor, accept and give compliments, make small talk in the elevator or waiting room, etc. Nobody is born with the instruction manual, they are social codes that are acquired over time and if you are not exposed to it, it is normal that you do not know. Talk to people who are very sociable, ask how they do it, make your own “petete’s book” either “manual” and practice. Another thing that works very well is to think about how a friend who is very extroverted does it and try to function for a day as if that friend owned you and were you but with his self-confidence. Sometimes to end up letting go to be part of the shy girls or boys the key may be precisely to try to act as if you were not.

6. Address that fear of negative evaluation, rejection and judgment

Everyone judges, but they don’t necessarily judge badly. Stop being so negative and going to the worst. It may be that others also have a good image of you but are aware of your shyness Being shy is not a bad thing; If you accept it, whoever is next to you will also do it, and if he doesn’t, it is because he is not worthy of being with you. You also choose who is by your side and it is better to have few friends than to have many superficial ones. Yes, accept the negative criticism. Not everyone will see you well and there are people who are blunt and harsh, but in those moments you have to be your best friend, understand yourself, change what you think you should change and accept what you don’t want or can’t change. Many times your worst enemy is yourself.

7. Seek professional help

Many times this work is very complicated by yourself, since you can become a very good executioner and self-boycott. Asking a psychology professional for help can be a good option to help you carve out this path to get to know how not to be shy Stopping doing something is not the same as stopping being something, sometimes external help is necessary to achieve it and there may be experiences or traits that block change and without professional help it is very difficult to unblock it.

Being shy can be a sign of a problem that exists within yourself. For this reason, if this trait of your personality is a problem for you, it is important to try to work on it to overcome shyness The key to combating these insecurities that limit you is to accept yourself as you are and stop judging yourself for it.