Toxic Love: How Can I Detect Impossible Relationships?

Do you know how to identify toxic love? These bonds can be between a couple, siblings, between friends or between parents and children. Discover if your relationships are healthy and how to improve them.

What are toxic loves like?

When we think about unhealthy loves or toxic love, the relationship immediately comes to mind. That’s because our definition of love is often based on romantic love, but it’s not the only type of love. He possessive love or toxic loves They can be in any type of relationships. In this way, it is necessary to know when people are acting like a toxic person and how to detect a toxic woman or man.

What is toxic love?

True love is an inspiration for those who live it since it means a relationship where both participate in personal evolution and the bond. But when we refer to the toxic loves, these are characterized by a series of dependency and emotional control behaviors that damage any type of relationship. In this way, toxic men and women have characteristics in their love relationships (whatever they may be) that make others suffer due to their attitudes.

Characteristics of toxic love

He toxic love can be detected through various signals. In this way, there are a series of characteristics in a toxic relationship that we can identify regardless of the bond we share with the person who is engaging in toxic behavior.

Filial toxic love

We know that filial love is unconditional, that is, overcome any barrier or obstacle in life. Parents love their children madly and vice versa. But there are toxic loves between parents and children. In this way, sometimes parents can express a possessive love that ends up affecting children in their development. The main signs are the following.

1. Your child is the best, he has no defects

Your son/daughter is more handsome, intelligent, good… I would almost say perfect. If you are not able to see your child’s defects, you are being unobjective and perhaps you are having an attitude of toxic love towards him or her. Everyone has flaws, so focus on discovering your child’s flaws; That will make the relationship between both of you healthy, you will be able to set limits and educate him/her better and he/she will grow better.

2. Excessive demand

It would be the polar opposite. Seeing only your child’s defects, punishing excessively or only highlighting what he or she does wrong instead of also seeing what he or she does well generates a difficult family relationship. Your child will tend to distance himself from you, undervalue himself and have low self-esteem. Trying to improve yourself is fine but it should always be accompanied by encouragement and trust towards him/her instead of complaint. When the occurs toxic love In this style, children may feel limited in developing all their abilities.

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3. Equal relationship

Parents have to be above their children at a hierarchical level. It is good to have trust with your child and for him/her to trust you, but don’t take it to the extreme of being friends. You can’t talk to him/her the same way you would with a friend. There are topics that have to be reserved for areas other than the family.

4. Relationship of strangers

There are parents who complain because their children use the house as if it were a hotel, they come to sleep, eat and leave. There is no interaction, no communication and much less trust. Analyze what you think may be happening, do self-criticism and also assess what your child may be doing to encourage this situation. Many times it has to do with excessive demands or putting too much distance in the hierarchy. Ask him how his day was, spend time together, do something leisurely that might interest you. This will help you keep the distance between you a little smaller.

5. Cinderella child or king/queen child

It is pathological both for the child to do more tasks than he/she would be expected to do due to his/her age, and for him/her to do none at all. Children have to understand what things cost. Not everything is free and you get it for the sake of a pretty face, you have to work to achieve success. Instilling values ​​such as effort, work and routines help children become responsible future adults. But you have to be careful about demanding too much from them, we don’t want them to be Cinderellas in their own home.

6. Lack of affection or excessive affection

When parents are not affectionate, do not talk about emotions, do not express what they feel and there is no physical contact, the child grows in the same way and rejects everything emotional. On the contrary, if it is received excessive love and affection, they can also reject parents because of the burden they receive. Try to dose and show affection whenever necessary but not continuously, look for the right spaces and moments to do it.

“Happiness is not a question of intensity, but of balance and order, rhythm and harmony”

Thomas Merton.

What is toxic love like?

brotherly toxic love

Love between siblings or friends can also be pathological. In this way, we can see some signs of toxic loves both in friendship and in other family relationships.

1. Jealousy and envy

If, for example, it makes you angry that your friend spends more time with other people than with you or that he or she tells someone else about the intimacies that he or she tells about you, you are jealous and that can lead to having an attitude of toxic love or possessive love Try to value the positive aspects of the relationship you have with your friend, otherwise you will generate tense conversations, interrogations and, ultimately, bad moments and you will get the effect you don’t want, your friend will distance themselves from you.

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Among siblings, the most common jealousy and envy are the reception of affection and care from parents and grandparents and the brother’s successes versus their own successes. If you always compare yourself with your brother/sister, you are showing jealousy. Focus on your own successes and try to improve yourself but without blaming the other person. And with your family, try to value the relationship you have and enjoy it. If you notice that the treatment is insufficient, talk to them.

2. Competition

If you notice that you always want to be above your friend or brother and you do things just for the pleasure of putting yourself above them and making them see it, you are trying to compete and show yourself superior. Relationships between siblings and friends must be equal. If you show yourselves in competition, it will never be a healthy love relationship Think of your personal challenges as a form of self-satisfaction and not as a way to show off to others. Put the focus on yourself and stop thinking about others, that will raise your self-esteem and not be so related to the successes or failures of others.

3. Lack of intimacy or excessive intimacy

It is harmful so much that relationship is superficial and they only talk about banal things like there being an excess of intimacy. Between siblings, if there is no communication, a fundamental part of the fraternal relationship is lost, that shoulder to lean on, since similar situations are shared but also family is shared and that always makes it possible to understand the other person better. since the values ​​instilled and the experiences lived are often common. Try to talk to your brother and create a closer bond, do something together, share a hobby.

However, excess intimacy means that you may not see beyond your brother/sister, and you miss out on something important: having friends. Find that balance and generate your own friendships. As for the relationship between friends, if there is no intimacy it is because you are not friends, simply acquaintances. Try talking about your life and ask him about his. Make the relationship deeper. If, on the other hand, you are a stickler, try to broaden your horizons to leave this behind. possessive type of love If one day that person disappears from your life or distances themselves from you for whatever reason, you will be left alone. It’s good to have more than one friend.

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What is a toxic love between family and friends like?

Toxic love as a couple

Finally, toxic love relationships in a couple are the ones that can affect us the most. There are impossible couples who do not want to leave him because of their personal problems and this can create a vicious circle that is difficult to remedy. In this way, the toxic love in couples It is distinguished by the following.

1. Emotional dependence

A healthy love is characterized by the independence of each of the members. Therefore, those people who have low self-esteem and depend on others can cause certain havoc in relationships. In these cases the key will be to act on these psychological problems that you must solve for both you and your partner.

2. Emotional codependency

When people who are independent tend to require excessive attention from a partner who is dependent on them, this also means encouraging a toxic love in the relationship

3. Limited social life

The members of the couple put aside all their friendships to focus in every way on the relationship with toxic loves. In this way, people who are formed by a toxic woman or man They focus excessively on each other.

4. Obsession for the other

Another of the characteristics of a toxic relationship It is precisely the excessive obsession that can arise from one towards the other. So much so that some people tend to devote all their energy only to the relationship.

Toxic love couples

5. Excessive idealism

When couples focus on ideal expectations or romantic myths about love, such as believing that better halves exist, this can cause a possessive love in the relationship.

6. Jealousy and possession

He meaning of toxic It can indicate a person who feels jealousy that limits the relationship in many ways. For example, a toxic woman or man may come across as possessive or controlling.

7. Manipulator

Finally, people who tend to have attitudes of toxic loves They may use emotional blackmail or manipulation to achieve their goals in the relationship.

The people who use attitudes typical of toxic love They should keep in mind that this behavior can be changed. We can all behave toxically at some point in our lives. Therefore, if you want to leave this type of toxicity behind you can always consult with a professional psychologist. Love must always be worked on within us to show the best side of ourselves to others.

“In all aspects of our lives, balance is the key. Doing too much of one thing can cause discomfort. Moderation is the secret”

Catherine Pulsifer.