Do you think someone doesn’t like you? Have you been rejected? Maybe you are in a situation of unrequited love. Don’t worry, it’s a very common situation. Find out how to deal with it here.
He unrequited love It refers to those situations where a person feels romantic feelings for an individual who does not correspond to them in that area. Although it may not seem like it, many research indicates that this type of love is more common than it seems at first glance.
Popular wisdom tells us that in every relationship there is a lover and a loved one. In unrequited love the situation is more complicated: the other party does not love you at all. When suffering from this type of pain of love you are in a situation where you have strong feelings for someone close to you but the other person does not reciprocate.
Although it seems that this kind of infatuation It only happens to single people, there are also cases in which it can happen to a person who is in a relationship. When we are with someone for many years, it is normal for us to change and feel different in the bond we have. These types of situations are difficult since most find it difficult to express these types of feelings to their unwanted partners.
Why does unrequited love hurt?
When someone faces a unrequited love situation, you will surely go through difficult times. So much so that the pain of love is widely known from many popular sayings. Imagination and visualization are the main culprits of this suffering. Seeing yourself with the person and becoming obsessed with them makes forgetting an unrequited love even more difficult.
In a stage where we suffer unrequited love The usual thing is to feel alone and without the strength to cope with the pain you suffer. Even so, he thinks that most people encounter unrequited love, so it is a very recurring situation. At these times it is important to remember that you are not alone and that possibly sooner or later you will be able to find someone who offers you reciprocated love.
Why do we fall in love? The chemicals that influence love
Sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone They are more than involved in bringing us to the physical act of love, but they are not strong enough to enhance the feelings that arise with it. Therefore, you can have sex without being in love and even have love without sex. When we suffer from pain due to unrequited love, the involvement of these two hormones and the others that are involved in the love process is more than minimal. The real culprits that make you feel like you can’t get over unrequited love are dopamine and oxytocin.
These two hormones have addictive qualities on us. Various studies have shown that the brains of drug addicts react to dopamine, and therefore they look for a new dose. In the same way, when we are in love our brain releases dopamine. This chemical substance makes you feel good and gives you euphoria when you are close to the person you love. That is why when we try to forget an unrequited love it is so difficult, since the brain eagerly seeks that dose of dopamine. When the loved one denies us her company we experience that dopamine disappears, and as we long for more, our brain tries anything to find a solution to this loss. This is when the pain of love that we all know comes in. So much so that by not receiving that dose of dopamine our body reacts with anguish and stress. Even so, dopamine is not the only culprit that makes us feel so uncomfortable.
Another hormone that also participates in making it more difficult for us to overcome it is oxytocin This appears when we create a link with a person. By creating these types of relationships, we experience a sense of satisfaction and calm in their presence. So much so that we find it comforting to be around them and this stimulates our brain to produce even more dopamine, which makes this vicious cycle even worse. That is, the moment you discover that you like someone and you see that it is an unrequited love, when you try to separate or get away from this person you will feel this explosive mixture inside you. This is the reason why the pain of love is so well known.
Why does rejection hurt?
Although it seems that the chemical pain experienced with unrequited love is already quite unbearable, the reality is that this type of damage does not only appear in our hearts. The fact that someone rejects us also has its Psychological consequences
What seems more than obvious is that no one wants to see themselves as a person who cannot be loved. In this way, when someone rejects us we wonder why we are not suitable enough for our loved one not to want to reciprocate us. On the other hand, the correct attitude in this situation would be to realize that these decisions are not under our control
But even so, when we experience rejection, the same neurological pathways are physiologically activated as physical pain itself. The reason is basically evolutionary causes. When we lived in prehistoric times, the idea of ​​someone rejecting you meant that you couldn’t survive on your own. That is why rejection ended up causing the same pain as physical damage.
That is, when someone rejects you, your body experiences the same reactions as if you had been physically hit or burned. In the same way when you are in a unrequited love situation this rejection acts in the same way as in prehistory.
How do you know if it is a reciprocated love?
Although the most obvious solution to know if we are facing a case of unrequited love is to basically declare yourself to the person in question, it is obvious that sometimes it can make us feel dizzy when faced with one of these situations. For this reason, we will show you some of the signs that you can find when the love is not reciprocated
1. Physical signs
There are some almost imperceptible behaviors when your loved one does not reciprocate. Many people who have been through it suggest that they receive certain mixed signals from the love interest by the other person. When there are gestures or attitudes that contradict each other, it is most likely that the other person does not want a love relationship with you.
2. Who has the initiative?
One of the simplest ways to see if you are in front of a unrequited love case It is when the person in question never takes the initiative to contact you. When it is only you who initiates all the conversations or shows interest in love, it may mean that the other person does not want to start a relationship with you.
3. There is no physical contact
Finding an excuse to start contact with another person is always a clear sign of interest. For this reason, if you find that it is always you who has this type of attitude, it may indicate that you are in a situation where there is a unrequited love
4. Lack of realism
In a situation of unrequited love, it is very common for the person who desires the other person to have them on a pedestal. That is, the other person is perceived as an almost perfect being where there are almost no signs of imperfections. Most of the time when these types of situations happen, they end up being a clear sign that it is unrequited love. This happens because when there really is a real contact of love with the other person, we can see these failures more clearly. Even so the infatuation It is a phase where very few imperfections of the loved one are perceived.
In our lives there are loves that mark us more than others and we really don’t know how to explain why it is that person and not another that comes to mind. The idealization of a love or a relationship does not have to respond to reasons such as whether it was the longest love, the person who treated you best, or the person with whom you shared the most hobbies.
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5. Familiarity
If you are the one who always tries to get to know the other person more but they do not show interest in your life, perhaps you are facing a case of unrequited love. Getting to know each other is one of the first steps that appear when you are really interested in a person.
The secret to know how to forget an unrequited love It does not lie in seeing many phrases of love pain or listening to traditional songs of unrequited love. Getting depressed and sinking deeper into the pit of sadness is not a good method to cope with these situations. On the contrary, there are some methods to overcome unrequited love, psychology will give us the keys.
1. Cry
Avoid emotions It is not a good technique to cope with these situations. So the best thing will be to give ourselves some time to mourn our rejection. Therefore, it is important to take time to grieve the loss of this person. You still have to face those thoughts that say there is something wrong with you or that you are not enough. There is no reason to think that since not being reciprocated does not mean that you are not a valid being for others.
2. Stay busy
A good way to try to fight unrequited love is to keep yourself busy. You can try doing things that you have put aside for a long time to feel better about yourself In this way you will make sure that the situation you just experienced has brought about something positive in your life.
3. Understand the patterns
Maybe it’s the first time you’re going through this painful situation or, on the contrary, you’ve been having this ‘bad streak’ for a while. A good way to take advantage of the pain of love you feel to improve is to investigate why this has happened. Maybe you don’t feel confident in yourself or on the other hand you have some things pending that solve psychologically It is a good time to evolve in this sense.
4. Invest in yourself
When you have experienced unrequited love, it is very likely that you have invested a lot of energy in the other person. Therefore, now is a good time to reinvest energy in yourself. Whether it’s taking care of yourself, doing your favorite hobbies or doing that project that you have in mind, now is the most ideal time.
When to seek help?
Although dealing with a situation of love and not be reciprocated It is something that we have all experienced, the reality is that sometimes these rejections can be common for certain people. The reason is not because they have less value than the others, but sometimes it has to do with how we behave with ourselves. Having good self-esteem, confidence and security is essential to not only be liked by others but also to have a full life. If you find yourself in this situation, the ideal would be to invest in your personal development and have a psychologist who specializes in it. A good change inside will make your love life (in addition to the rest of the areas) flourish.
