Surely you have said on more than one occasion that things should not be certain ways. That all you want is to have a happy and peaceful life. And you’ve probably heard phrases like “the important thing is to be happy”, “you shouldn’t be sad” or “don’t think about unpleasant things”.
Our society is full of messages of this style, which They tell us how to live life “correctly” We must have a good time at all times, live in peace and joy always. And it is logical that we do not want to experience unpleasant situations and prefer to avoid them.
However, surely your experience tells you that things are not as they are portrayed in the movies: always with a happy ending. It is very likely that things will not turn out as we expect.
The truth is that there are a series of myths around happiness that make us believe in all these messages. Let’s comment on them below.
1. Happiness is a natural state of all people
This is something that our sociocultural context insists a lot on: we are happy by nature. Nothing is further from reality, and the statistics deny it. According to the WHO (World Health Organization) one of the most disabling and common serious psychological conditions is depression.
In addition, it must be added that one in four adults is addicted to alcohol or other drugs. Not to mention other problems such as loneliness, sexual difficulties, social isolation, low self-esteem… In the end, we can get used to the idea of how rare happiness is in our environment
2. If we are not happy, we are not perfect
If we believe myth No. 1, we surely assume that psychological suffering is something abnormal. If we suffer it is because we are weak or even because we are sick, the product of some mental problem. Consequently, We tend to be self-critical, to blame ourselves for what happens to us
Thus, human beings have evolved to the point that our thoughts have helped us solve many problems. The problem comes when we use this problem solving in the psychological world. Thus, it is normal and healthy for our mind to work this way. It has evolved and this has its pros and cons. But there is nothing wrong with us, our mind is working naturally.
3. To live peacefully, we must eliminate everything negative
It makes sense that to find happiness we must get rid of everything negative. It is a message that has penetrated deeply into our society
However, the truth is that the more we value something, it is associated with both pleasant and unpleasant feelings. For example, surely you have ever experienced the joy of having been chosen to enter a course that you were looking forward to taking. Inevitably, It is very likely that, after starting it, you will feel disappointment and sadness because it is not what you expected
As we see, life is full of experiences of this type. So, if you believe this myth, it is likely that your life has become more difficult than you imagined.
4. We must control what we feel and think
Let’s do a test. Read the following phrase: “Don’t think about a pink elephant.” What happened? Could you not have thought about it? Or has a pink elephant appeared in your mind without meaning to? It is very likely that yes, so our experience is telling us that controlling what we think and feel is not entirely possible. However, our society is constantly telling us that we must control them. If we are capable, we can live happily. I wish it was that easy!
The truth is that, although we cannot control what we think and feel, we can control our actions. In such a way that, despite unpleasant thoughts or emotions coming to us, we can choose to act in the direction of a valuable, meaningful and important life for each of us.
What to do about this?
These four myths are widespread in our society. They lead us into a fight against our human nature that we can never win And this is when most of the psychological difficulties and problems come.
Therefore, the best option is to question these myths, not take them as truths, even if they are socially widespread, and look for other, more rational alternative thoughts. Allow ourselves to feel bad, just as we allow ourselves to feel good, and look for why and not why we feel a certain way. In this way we can reflect to advance and improve valuable behaviors that will make us feel good.
In PsychoAlmería a psychology center in Almería with in-person and online sessions, can help you in a personalized way to understand and learn from your emotions, thoughts and behaviors so that you can achieve well-being or balance in your daily life.
