Why Can’t You Be Happy, Neither Now nor Ever; Neither Here nor in Alaska

They have sold us the absurd idea that you can be happy all the time 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And not only that, but you also have control over it, you just have to learn to be happy.

You can see for yourself with a quick Google search: “how to be happy.” You will find countless videos and articles (even books) saying that you can be happy in 10 (or 5, 7, 35, pi…) simple steps/habits/keys/secrets…

The harsh reality

I know you want to be happy, like everyone else. But I’m sorry, you can’t. For the simple fact that Happiness is an emotion and as such it is transitory So you can’t be happy, you can be. That implies that later you will no longer be, you will move on to another different emotion, and that is a great thing.

All these messages that happiness depends on you are blaming (since if you are sad it is either because you want to or because you have not learned), which precisely moves you to want to learn more about the subject and transform this guilt for not being happy into happiness. The fear of pain is combined with the desire for pleasure.

Happiness is an emotion

Emotions are a psychophysiological reaction, that is, a reaction of our mind and body to a specific situation (whether internal or external). It is our quick and unreliable way of assessing what is happening around us.

Since happiness is an emotion, it depends, as the definition above says, on the situation that is being perceived and therefore is transitory. Human beings are incapable of (nor should we) reinterpret everything to be happy all the time Imagine that you are in the funeral home for the death of a loved one and you are happy. Or that you are in a toxic relationship of both psychological and physical abuse and instead of feeling anger or fear you feel happiness, because you reinterpret the situation (who knows how).

As you can see, these types of messages, in addition to blaming, are dangerous.

There are no negative emotions

First, assume that there are no negative or positive emotions. At most there are pleasant or unpleasant emotions, and each of them can be adaptive or maladaptive depending on the situation.

In the same way as the child who does not want to eat vegetables, because both the taste and the texture are unpleasant but it is healthy for him to eat vegetables, you have to accept that there are emotions that you will find unpleasant but it is healthy for you to experience them. Only in this way will you be able to express these emotions and question them.

Now the question is not “How can I be happy?” Now the question is “Is this emotion useful to me? “.

In this way, if the answer is yes you just have to live it. If the answer is no, you can start analyzing it and working so that in future similar situations it does not appear and you do not get carried away by it.

To think

If you had to give a definition to “happiness” or tell me what makes you happy, what would it be?

Are you thinking about actions and situations?

Yes that’s how it is, imagine that you always repeat them Would they make you so happy? Or is it precisely its scarcity (whether in frequency or duration) that allows you to compare it with the moments and situations in which you are not so happy that lead you to enjoy it so much?

Maybe, Being sad allows us to be happy in the same way that fear allows us to demonstrate courage

And, finally, be careful with what you consume and who you consume it from. I know I’m not talking about drugs, but information is treated the same way today. Or, rather, your attention.

Tips to be happier

It would be incredible if I now gave you some tips to be happier, right?

Well, here goes one: