The fear of the death of loved ones is something that can incapacitate us and stagnate us in a hypothetical future that has not arrived. Find out how to deal with it from my new post.
A few months ago I spoke to you about the fear of one’s own death and from that post a comment from a user arose that prompted the writing of this new article. So, today I am going to talk to you about the fear of loved ones dying
At some point in our lives we may wonder what would happen to us if someone important to us died. This question is normal, the problem is when it appears constantly and generates a great emotional charge
I have had people in therapy who feared above all that their children, their partner or their parents would die:
I remember a girl who expressed a great fear that her boyfriend would die in a traffic accident and every time her partner took the car, it generated great anxiety in her (if she was not in the car). She was not afraid if they both suffered the accident. Her fear was that her boyfriend would die in an accident without being with her. This fear led her to suffer anxiety every time her partner left for work or came back and she needed him to write her a text message every time she got out of the car.
On another occasion I visited a middle-aged man who had a great fear that his mother would die. It is true that the woman was elderly and had one problem or another, but she had decided to stop working to take care of her mother full time and that meant that when she went out for a moment and returned home, she was afraid of opening the door and finding her lying there. on the ground lifeless. She would wake up at night and open the door to her room to check that she was breathing, as well as having a great fear every time her mother forgot to take a pill or complained of pain.
Another case is that of a mother who was terribly afraid that her daughter would die of sudden death. This caused the girl to sleep with her in her bed until she was 5 years old and therefore, relationship problems appeared that led to his separation from her. Furthermore, he was so overprotective of the girl that she didn’t let him do anything or almost anything alone for fear that something would happen to her. As the girl grew up, the fear of sudden death was changed to the fear of cancer and every time her daughter had any pain, she asked for medical tests to help her rule out this disease.
Fear of the death of a loved one accompanies us all our lives but you have to learn to live with that possibility. Once we are born, we are exposed to our own death and that of the people around us.
How can I cope with the death of a loved one?
These fears lead us to behaviors that can cause us problems with ourselves (anxiety for example) or relational problems such as relationship problems, work problems or giving an education different from what you had planned for your children.
Accept death as an option: Many times people say that they are not afraid of their own death but of that of a loved one because of the difficulty that learning to live without that person would mean for one’s existence. We cannot fight against the inevitable and it is useless to spend all day thinking about whether today will be the day. Accepting that it can happen, but it doesn’t have to happen is what can make us not give so much thought to the option of death.
Enjoy life with that person: Sometimes it is good to keep in mind that death can be there at any moment to learn to live life more intensely with the people you love. Enjoy the moments with your loved ones and take advantage of them, but don’t assume that death will come because then you won’t enjoy it. Think that every day lived is a gift and you can continue enjoying many more.
Learn to be more independent and improve your self-esteem: Many times the fear of loved ones dying occurs because you depend too much on those people to live. Try to promote your autonomy and self-esteem and try not to need so much from others to carry out your daily routine.
Think and act with what you can control and improve your life: Sometimes we focus so much on problems that have not yet appeared and that we do not know if they will appear that we forget about the real circumstances. Having a loved one die is something that you cannot control or do anything about. What you can control is the relationship you have with others and what the life you lead is like. Perhaps thinking about the fear of death defocuses your attention from your real dissatisfactions (for example, not having a job or living a boring life with your partner). Solve current problems instead of thinking about hypothetical ones.
Think optimistically and trust your resources: If the time came when you lost a loved one, you would have a hard time, like everyone else, but it wouldn’t be the end of you. You would need time to confront the loss and grieve, but you would overcome it and learn to live with the loss. Remind yourself that that day has not come and enjoy what you have thinking that if that moment ever comes, you will face it.
Find some vital goals and focus on achieving them: Stop living in fear of what hasn’t happened and focus on making your life worth living. Look for objectives or goals for yourself and also for your social relationships with those people you love so much. Also, try not to harm yourself or stop living your life because of that fear. In the example that I have given you of the man who is afraid of his mother’s death, this man leaves work to take care of his mother and thus spends years, reaching a precarious economic situation that prevents him from achieving social and personal stability. Do not allow things like this to happen, he works on your personal goals so that fear does not invade you.
It is just as negative to think about what happened and dwell on the past as it is to think too much about the uncertain future that has not arrived and we do not know if it will ever arrive. Live the present what you can change today and trust your resources coping and resolution skills.
