Below we leave you a series of points that will help us improve relationships with others:
The best way to change a relationship is to change yourself.
It is very natural to want to change a relationship by wanting the other person to change. In the best of cases we are willing to change something if there is a change from the other party. However, experience indicates that this pretension usually aggravates the relationship.
By becoming aware that the only thing in your hands to change a relationship is yourself, you assume control of the relationship, you stop depending on the other party.
It is advisable to pay special attention to the positive aspects of the person although the negative ones usually impact first. When the assessment we make of someone is negative, this affects us when it comes to relating to them. It is good to analyze again the knowledge you have about that person with a positive outlook“What do I like about that person?” and in this way we facilitate continued progress in building relationships with her.
Earn trust
Trust is the basis of human relationships. Trust is not demanded but earned, it is necessary to deserve it. If a person breaks a personal or professional relationship with another, ultimately it is because there was no trust left with them.
There is a natural tendency to seek one’s own gain, to get one’s way, to defeat one’s adversary, to achieve the goals that one proposes, to be the first… to become aware of thoughts and attitudes that we culturally internalize without realizing it. and that could be summarized by saying: “I win, you lose.” Sometimes, on the contrary, someone, with resignation, decides to sacrifice themselves for another person. We are in an “I lose, you win” situation. Or it is also common to see “I lose, you lose” positions, where a destructive spirit leads to no one being able to win. They are different ways of approaching a relationship.
It is important to realize that all of these approaches are wrong for a lasting relationship. The only valid attitude and behavior in this sense will be an “I win, you win” position. It is a subjective assessment, that is, each person must feel that they are winning and recognize it as such, although normally this is not achieved naturally, but requires effort.
Listen with empathy. Active listening
Listening is more than just hearing, it involves genuine interest in knowing the other person’s thoughts. This way of acting is not easy in practice because it is common to be more attentive to judging the message or preparing what you plan to say. Listening is capturing the meaning of the words that are spoken, understanding the message, the ideas. It is understanding the situation. Empathic listening goes even further. Empathy is that heart-to-heart relationship between two people. It is a communication process that takes into account the emotional world of people. You listen empathically when you capture the other person’s feelings, when someone takes charge of the other person’s state of mind.
It is not enough to want and know how to listen for a relationship to be good, even if it is a basic requirement. You also need to know how to express yourself appropriately. Assertive communication allows a person to say what he wants to say, without internal tensions, in a clear and positive way. Assertive people take responsibility for their emotions and moods and do not express them by blaming others. To facilitate this it is important to use the messages me “I felt, I would like, it bothers me, I think…” in front of the messages you that point out value judgments and assign responsibility or blame.
Distinguish between the person and their behavior
For this to be the case, the distinction between person and behavior is necessary. It differs from behavior or ideas, but the person is accepted. It is a consequence of valuing a person for who he is, rather than what he does or thinks. Every person has within themselves a dignity that no one can offer equal.
