Absorbent Relationships: What to Do and How to Recognize Them

Relationships are usually an aspect of emotional life marked by the intensity of emotions involved. It is normal that on a daily basis you spend a lot of time thinking about your partner or about experiences linked to them, even when they are not there. However, there are limits to everything, and sometimes these emotional ties translate into habits and routines that demand too much of oneself.

In this article we will talk about absorbing relationships what are the characteristics that allow them to be detected and what type of solution each of the problems it poses may have (although in some cases the most reasonable solution is to end the relationship, as we will see).

Absorbent relationships: what are they like?

It is normal for people involved in a relationship to notice from time to time certain tensions when it comes to living while maintaining that special emotional bond. Ultimately, having a romantic bond requires, to a greater or lesser extent, accepting a commitment

Shared obligations and responsibilities make the prospect of making sacrifices in the present to be with the other person in the long term reasonable efforts, and since being in a relationship requires a certain amount of time and resources, this does not always fit with what each person wants. member, separately, feels like it in the here and now.

However, it is one thing to invest what is reasonable in the relationship and express to the other that we take their interests into account, and another is to not be able to have a life because of the constant demands linked (at least, apparently) to that loving bond. It is at that point that absorbing relationships appear.

An absorbing relationship is, in short, a relational dynamic between two or more people in which there is either a clear asymmetry and one of the members you have to sacrifice a lot to satisfy the demands of the other, or all the people involved have to dedicate all their efforts and time to the relationship, constantly, and with great effort. But this definition is somewhat ambiguous, so let’s see what the usual characteristics of these relationships are.

1. You have to wait many days to have time alone

Each person has different needs when it comes to needing to be alone more or less frequently, but what is normal and healthy is that they do not have to wait days to be able to do it (starting counting from the moment in which the desire to reserve a time arises). moment for oneself).

In some cases, members of the couple They have a distorted view of reality, according to which both form something like a super-organism made up of two people who can never be separated and must share everything. Trying to follow that principle is exhausting and frustrating in the vast majority of cases. Even those who are most in love tend to require moments to do things of their interest without the interference of others.

2. There is no time to see friends

Starting a relationship does not mean leaving friends aside. These bonds of friendship, which often have years of experience behind them, are something very valuable, but some people believe that in romantic relationships they are expected not to pay attention to this type of personal ties considered “peripheral.” There are even cases in which it is assumed that meeting those people without going with the partner, or without telling them first, it’s a betrayal something that obviously discourages this type of meetings.

This not only causes these friendships to languish over time. In addition, it generates isolation, which leads to entering into a vicious circle: all the time is dedicated to the couple because there is no one else to meet and do things with or launch interesting projects.

3. It’s about changing your personality to fit in with others.

There is nothing wrong with trying to improve in some aspects, but there are cases in which the members of an absorbing relationship, or one of them, propose modify the entire structure of your own personality in order to fit perfectly with their partner, to the point of trying to develop hobbies in which they have no real interest, adopting an artificial pose and attitude that does not correspond to their own identity, etc.

In short, it is one thing to improve by aiming for a goal that has real meaning for oneself, and another is to take as a reference what one believes the other person expects and make efforts to become that, only for the supposed good of the person. relationship.

4. Passive-aggressive attitudes are adopted towards one’s own initiative

In many absorbing relationships, it is frowned upon to break certain rules that, although technically they have no real value, are considered important because they have to do with being together.

It is not that these are elements with a symbolic value associated with an important event (for example, going to the movies on the birthday of the relationship, as was done on the first date), but rather that they are not supposed to break those rules because the opposite involves individual thinking outside of the couple

For example, going to work in the office instead of doing it on the couch at home with your lover or, in a less extreme case, spending a Friday going to a concert without the other person because they don’t want to go.

In these cases, passive aggressive attitudes function in practice as a punishment without, in theory, anything wrong having been done.

To do?

Communication and honesty is the key. It is necessary to express one’s own needs that oneself has and that do not have to be limited to the scope of the couple, and do it in an assertive and honest way, but not unilateral or cutting, since it is a change of habits that can be delicate and easy to misinterpret if Not everything that really happens is explained.

On the other hand, if the other person is not able to respect the fact that you need more space for yourself, this is considered a serious problem that transforms this relational dynamic into a toxic relationship, in which it is easy for bad things to occur. deals (not necessarily physical).