“My boyfriend has committed suicide,” the 37-year-old woman said when she notified the police. Shortly after, based on the data collected in the autopsy results and the repeated contradictions, the woman was arrested for homicide.
It happened in Valencia last year, and this is one of the few cases of violence by the woman towards a man with whom she had a romantic relationship. Cases of men being abused by their partners are relatively rare and yet those who suffer from it are also victims who need protection.
According to the report on domestic violence General Council of the Judiciary from Spain, The number of men murdered at the hands of their partner or ex-partner would be approximately this and:
Year
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
Murders of men
2
6
10
7
7
The aggressors were five women and, in the case of homosexual couples, two men, according to 2011 data.
Comparison with gender violence
The number of homicides of men at the hands of their partners or ex-partners, however, is not comparable to the number of victims of gender violence in quantitative terms.
For example, According to data from 2009, the number of men murdered was 10, while the number of women murdered at the hands of men rose to 55 The statistical difference is so substantial that it could be a more than likely explanation for why there are no specific studies on male victims.
The concept of domestic violence
Abuse by women towards men is included in what is known as domestic violence. Furthermore, the data provided by the Statistics National Institute of Spain indicate that a quarter of domestic violence complaints correspond to attacks by the woman towards her partner
It is also known that a high number of women who abuse their partners have suffered violence during their childhood or by one of their partners on previous occasions. The percentage of women who attack their partners without having previously been subjected to violence is much lower than that of men.
A silent and hidden violence
According to data from the report on domestic violence of the General Council of the Judiciary, The average age of male victims of murder at the hands of their partners or ex-partners was 45 years old , and their nationality is usually Spanish. Only five of them were living with her attacker at the time of her death. But the most significant thing is that none of the men murdered by her partners had filed a complaint.
This type of violence, which is reproduced in the abuse of men, is rare, but more invisible and silent compared to other forms of abuse.
Family and friends lend their help
The abused have greater difficulty in recognizing that they are the object of these attacks , they are not able to report it and often it has to be those around them who help them press charges. Male victims of domestic violence tend not to take legal action due to shame.
Thus, the majority of complaints are calls for help from relatives in the same environment. Nevertheless, many of the abused men continue to deny having any such problem they do not assume the situation and believe that what happens to them is normal.
Abused men and lack of social visibility
The fact that there are few cases of abuse towards men by their partners means that society does not have as much knowledge of this phenomenon compared to the opposite case, that is, the tragedy of sexist violence that leaves so many victims, such as misfortune we are used to seeing in the news. Likewise, it also happens that the lack of attention from the media, the unfavorable treatment in terms of public aid and the blow to their self-esteem, make a large part of the victims desist from going to the authorities.
The fact is that, culturally, man must be a model of strength This is as real a social cliché as it is the opposite; Women should have a passive role and dedicate themselves to caring for children. Thus, the man attacked by his partner interprets what is happening to him as a sign of his own weakness, and this leads to him, instead of being aware of his role as a violated party, questioning his virility and his masculinity. This is why the victims do not tell their story and it is their lawyers who present the facts to the authorities.
Examples of abuse and humiliation towards men
This trivialization of abuse by male victims is easy to see in most cases.
A particular case is that of a man who, upon arriving from work, his wife slapped him and threw objects. He justified it by claiming that his wife was mentally ill and that it was not an everyday occurrence. It is, without any nuance, the same justification as in the case of women victims of sexist violence; Gender is irrelevant here, there is an aggressor and a victim who, out of shame, dependence and/or fear, rationalize their situation based on any mitigating factor.
On one occasion there was a case of a woman sentenced for abuse of her spouse; she is currently awaiting imprisonment. He was attacked daily, ironically he was a big man who worked in security He never defended himself against the attacks of his wife; he feared that defending himself against her would entail violence on her part, given his social role as a man. He finally reported.
An unprecedented case is that of a man of normal height and his girlfriend, a very corpulent and athletic foreign woman, as well as very violent. She said that she had arrived in Spain fleeing from the authorities of her country for having killed two ex-partners. As time and events passed, he ended up believing it. He was constantly attacked and even had his foot broken The last time she was arrested was when she was in the middle of the street and started punching him in the face with her fist.
After a long time, he finally assumed that he should report it, which terrified him since he believed that they would end up coming after him. After several attacks, he had to flee his own home and requested a restraining order after going to the doctor, who processed an injury report. However, The restraining order was denied by the judge, since he found this victim’s story implausible since it was a man Four months later, she got a divorce; However, the consequences remained. She is currently on sick leave and undergoing psychiatric treatment for acute anxiety-depressive symptoms.
Legal and cultural factors that play against
It is the case that there are innumerable legal differences when the victim is a man. In Spain, gender violence has a substantially higher penalty than domestic violence, which includes, in addition to violence by women towards men, violence against minors. For example, threats in the event that the woman is the victim are considered a criminal offense, while if the victim is a man it is classified as a misdemeanor Of course, this does not serve to justify gender violence, but rather shows a lack of legislation.
This is one of the reasons why the problem is not solved: The lack of visibility makes it difficult to dedicate time and resources to changing the legal framework. and to build help platforms for abused men. Awareness is, in this regard, a fundamental key for this to change.
