Lucía is Antonio’s girlfriend and has been with him for years, trying to help him with his addiction. She considers herself a dedicated girlfriend, so she constantly strives to solve the problems he has trouble dealing with. Among other things, she pays his debts, makes excuses to his family, and constantly rescues him from the consequences of his less than responsible decisions.
Without realizing it, Lucía has stopped thinking about herself. She sleeps little, feels exhausted and lives with the responsibility of having to take care of him and their relationship so that everything can work between them.
Have you heard a story like that? Lucía and Antonio are fictitious names that illustrate a common, but at the same time worrying, situation. In this article we will talk about what the consequences are and the possible ways to break up with the vicious circle of codependency in relationships with addicted people.
First, let’s talk about the term “codependency,” which can be confusing to many. Broadly speaking, codependency is a pattern of behavior in which one person focuses so much on the needs and problems of another that they end up neglecting their own issues.
The essence of codependency is putting the well-being and approval of another person above your own emotional, physical or mental needs, which puts at risk an element as important as self-care.
Codependent people tend to seek validation and a sense of worth in their relationships, and often have the belief that your happiness depends on how that other person is doing. This can lead them to sacrifice and wear themselves out, just for the simple fact of making that person happy or alleviating their problems, as in the case of the story we have told you.
But let’s see! It is important not to confuse terms or misinterpret them. It doesn’t mean that just because you want to help someone in a difficult moment you are codependent, no! It’s natural to want to be there for the people we love. The main difference is that the codependent person does so at the expense of their own well-being, so they develop a relationship of emotional dependence and, sometimes, control.
Signs of codependency
People who can be considered codependent usually have the following traits, which make them much more likely to fall into situations in which they forget about themselves:
These behaviors can occur in any type of relationship, whether with friends, family or partners. But when codependency occurs in a relationship with someone who has an addiction, the damage is usually even greater for both parties. Next, we will talk about this.
Codependency towards an addicted person: What does it look like?
Codependency towards an addicted person follows the same patterns as in other relationships, but with some quite specific characteristics. The codependent person, in their desire to protect those they love, ends up being complicit in self-destructive behavior.
This dynamic presents itself in different ways. For example, by assuming their responsibilities, the codependent person allows the addict to continue with their behavior without facing the real consequences of their actions.
On the other hand, the lack of limits that we talked about before makes the person accept harmful behaviors from the addicted person for fear that they will distance themselves. This can lead to situations where verbal abuse, repeated lying, or manipulation is tolerated.
It is also important to mention that The codependent person often seeks to have control over the decisions of the person who has an addiction, with the intention of “preventing the situation from getting worse.”. However, rather than providing support, this tends to lead to tensions and disputes, as the attempt at control is generally not well accepted and causes resentment on both sides.
Consequences of codependency in the context of addiction
When a relationship is marked by codependency towards an addicted person, both end up affected in different ways. Firstly, it is common for constant emotional tension to generate anxiety, depression and a feeling of guilt, which causes both to carry emotional pressure that is difficult to bear.
Furthermore, the relationship tends to become conflictive and deteriorate other ties, since The codependent person focuses all their attention on the addict and leaves their loved ones aside.
On a physical and mental level, codependency usually causes exhaustion, insomnia and notable wear and tear. Although, ironically, the attempt to protect the other ends up reinforcing their addiction, causing both of them to fall into a cycle that is difficult to break. However, it is not impossible.
How to break the cycle of codependency in addiction?
Breaking the cycle of codependency requires effort, but it is possible with concrete steps:
Breaking the cycle of codependency in a relationship with an addicted person is not easy, but making the decision to take care of yourself first will be key so that you can move forward and have more balance in your life. In any case, having therapeutic support for addicted people is essential. If you are looking for services of this type, contact us: RECAL will help you.
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This article has been reviewed by our editorial team at PsychologyFor to ensure accuracy, clarity, and adherence to evidence-based research. The content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.
