When we talk about bullying as a traumatic event, perhaps we are dealing with one of the phenomena that has led to the most literature. in recent times from both therapeutic, social and even political fields.
That is why we would like to approach this terrible plague from another angle, try another way of looking, of addressing the pain and the consequences of those people who have gone through the hell of physical and/or psychological harassment during their childhood and adolescence.
The translation of the English meaning of “bullying” would be something like “harassment, or intimidation in the school environment.” It therefore occurs at a very specific and very critical moment.at the same time, of both the physiological and psychological development of the adolescent’s personality.
In early childhood, the basis of the Self, attachment, develops based on the bond that the child establishes with his or her caregivers and later, in adolescence, that Self will put on one “suit or another” based on its first experiences. relational with the environment, especially with their peers. This suit will be the “identity”. The Self will emerge from adolescence into adult life with a “suit”, a defined identity, for better or worse, functional or dysfunctional.
Apparently we are no longer in those days in which if the child complained at home about being “hit at school” the response was almost always “it’s a kid thing” or at most “you hit them too!” However, and despite the fact that the symptoms are often more than evident (depression, loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem and, above all, refusal to go to school, without forgetting physiological symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, fatigue or eating disorders ) In most cases the fact goes unnoticed by both the school institution and the family..
As we have said, we do not want to expand on the definition, detection and therapeutic approach to the problem, but rather try to put ourselves in the place of the boy or girl subjected to this type of harassment, contempt and intimidation.
Firstly, practically all of us, therapists included, have witnessed experiences of this type in our environment as children or adolescents. And to be honest, we did not always defend the despised, in case we ourselves were not the despised.
This group phenomenon in the development of the child’s personality and identity from childhood itself seems to be consubstantial with our nature as human beings. Without forgetting, of course, that The search for social good is also inherent to human beings.. That is, in our development as “selves” we will differentiate, we will be valid, that is, “the good ones” in contrast to the invalid, the different, the clumsy. In a way this is inevitable and there are many psychological and social experiments that demonstrate this.
Thus, we must not be fooled and understand that the shadow of bullying underlies almost every group relationship that takes place in adolescence, in the transition from child to adult, in the process of shaping one’s personality. Social alert, therefore, is essential, and the response unavoidable, to the slightest sign of harassment between equals.. “Looking the other way” is not acceptable, neither for institutions nor for families. Assuming that the problem will solve itself and leave no trace is extremely naive.
On the other hand, there is a phenomenon that often goes unnoticed. In many cases, the rejection begins with colleagues who until that moment were precisely the best friends.. Nothing more terrible than disgrace begins precisely with the person to whom I have opened my heart and in whom I have placed all my trust. The repository of my most intimate secrets “turns” against me, and she even takes advantage of that “knowing about me” to further debase the harassment of others.
In these cases, the impact of this phenomenon on self-esteem, on the notion that the child develops about himself, is devastating. Being isolated by the popular ones, the “bullies” or the strong ones is terrible in itself, but having my dearest friend put in the pillory does not “fit” in the head of the bullied, and as always happens in any type of trauma , the victim, not being able to understand, not being able to rationally explain what is happening, will end up concluding that the weirdo is him or her, and ultimately the victim will finally be the culprit..
Therapy applied to bullying
In Vitaliza We address this complex phenomenon from all its aspects, as it could not be otherwise. We address the wound as such, the trauma, mainly with an EMDR approach that involves the reprocessing of the experience in a functional way through bilateral stimulation.
But before said intervention we prepare the person by previously establishing a solid therapeutic bond, reducing their anxiety response based on training in biofeedback and neurofeedback and providing them with mindfulness tools, through our therapeutic mindfulness program that allow them to regulate themselves. the scenarios that previously seemed overwhelming.
Regulation through bio and/or neurofeedback, self-awareness through mindfulness work and addressing traumatic injury with one of the most effective proven tools such as EMDR is the intervention triangle of our center, with more than hopeful results. .
Author: Javier Elcarte, Psychologist Expert in Trauma.
