Children Whose Self-esteem Has Been Battered Enter Adulthood with Two Serious Disadvantages.

There are people who, despite the evidence provided by psychology, continue to maintain that constant emotional abuse against children’s self-esteem serves to educate them and can have positive effects on them.

Hence we hear phrases justifying this abuse, such as: “It helps make them tough and prepares them for the real world.”

But experience shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that children whose self-esteem has been repeatedly battered, by not having their basic needs met, continually denying their needs, being put down or ridiculed for being a certain age, being forced to assume a false personality to impress others others, forcing them into activities that they do not want or cannot, seeing themselves compared to others, telling them that their opinions are insignificant, overprotecting them even when they are already capable, being blamed for mistakes, being threatened with hitting them if they do not behave properly. , or even hit them directly, etc., they are very likely to enter adulthood with two serious disadvantages:

1.-A VICTIM personality style:

In which deep inside they have a deeply rooted belief that life will necessarily bring them more disappointment and abuse, and above all, that they are powerless to defend themselves against this injustice. Furthermore, as it is a psychological law that everyone seeks to unite with their peers, they will unconsciously be led into experiences and relationships that will confirm their opinion of themselves as losers, or of life as disappointing.

Because they don’t expect the best, they may not even notice positive opportunities. If by chance they experience happiness, they remain reticent, and do not trust that their unexpected luck will last long. By having such a negative view of the future, they tend to be very little motivated to assert their needs or develop their ability to achieve success and happiness.

2.-Shortage of social skills and resources:

Their ability to automatically behave in a self-protective, assertive, and self-confident manner is greatly reduced. For example, if a person has received treatment in his childhood such as; “because I say so”; without receiving reasonable explanations, “you shouldn’t be sad about this”; continually overlooking his feelings, “when you are at school, do not say or do…, as you usually do”; being forced to assume a false personality, “your sister would never have behaved like that”; seeing yourself unfavorably compared to others, etc., you will generally not have developed the same skills of speaking, acting and presenting yourself in a way that others will take into account and respect you.

You will be bothered by compliments and genuine appreciation simply because you will not know how to accept them positively.

If they are a naturally introverted person, they will usually be very shy, and if they are extroverted, they will seem insistent or annoying.

Neither of them will find it easy to create and maintain solid and fruitful relationships. Therefore, these children enter the world of adults with much less personal energy than those whose self-esteem has been stimulated and fostered.

Due to their deprivation and psychological damage, they will be less able to withstand even the normal wear and tear of adult emotional life.