The description of this psychological syndrome usually helps to understand some of the conflicts that can occur in relationships with peers and especially in romantic relationships.
Technically speaking, Cinderella Syndrome was created by Doctor Peter K. Lewin and has subsequently been described by different authors under the name Cinderella syndrome or complex.
Cinderella syndrome is characterized by the psychological need to find a “Prince Charming” or a fairy tale princess who will take us out of a troubled life and make us happy by finding love. To achieve this fantasy goal, we need to idealize the potential partner so that they meet these expectations, which makes it very difficult for us to fulfill our desire for love.
Although initially the syndrome has been described thinking only of women, I consider it to be another intelligent strategy that can be used by women and men.
According to my experience, the psychological origin of this syndrome could be found in the learning of a pattern of behavior that emerged in childhood, in response to and as a consequence of a very authoritarian (repressive) and emotionally very distant treatment from the mother towards the child. , which continues without change when the person begins adult life. In the most serious cases, true psychological abuse can be described in which the minor is a victim of abuse of power by the mother, who, instead of offering the affection and appreciation that every child needs in the early stages of development, treats with great emotional demands, failing to attend to his basic emotional needs, going so far as to demand that he take care of her, both the mother and her responsibilities (e.g. taking care of the house or other small children) and forcing an evolutionary development truncated in which the minor feels obliged to behave as if he were an adult.
The psychological consequences of this form of child abuse can be very serious in adult life, depending on the degree of affectation. The following tend to be very common: a tendency or inability to defend oneself in front of others and be valued, the learning of victimhood that is generalized to all relationships with equals (friends, partners…), the acceptance of the abuse of power that others can exert on the individual, similar to the one suffered in his childhood and to which he has ended up getting used to and, finally, the learning of a very unbalanced emotional way of relating, based on the exercise of power in the interaction with others and in the that emotional bonds of domination-submission are established. In practice, this can seriously interfere in the way of interacting with others and in the type of relationship that the subject can establish with friends or romantic partners, always at a loss, making balanced correspondence in relationships and loving commitment difficult. and facilitating great instability in them.
The solution to this, like many other psychological conflicts that originate during childhood and adolescence, involves the recognition and acceptance of the conflict itself, preventing it from causing me discomfort and allowing me to learn alternative patterns of behavior that are more adaptive or balanced. There are no miracle cures, only a conscious and mature coping with conflicts can lead us to overcome them. Weekly psychotherapy lasting a few months usually serves as a great help in identifying these conflicts and in supporting and learning new ways of interacting with others. Also in the detection and diagnosis of relationship problems that may be affected by said unconscious conflicts.
I’m Emily Williams Jones, a psychologist specializing in mental health with a focus on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness. With a Ph.D. in psychology, my career has spanned research, clinical practice and private counseling. I’m dedicated to helping individuals overcome anxiety, depression and trauma by offering a personalized, evidence-based approach that combines the latest research with compassionate care.
