Couples in Crisis, Dysfunctional Families

Since the couple is the basis of the family and the family is the basis of society, we must ask ourselves: why is humanity experiencing one of the worst crises in terms of human values?

Our current society is sick because, among other things, We have not wanted to respect the psychobiological bases from which the personality of the human being is structured

Go beyond these psychobiological principles, which have been widely explained based on the discoveries of Verny and Kelly in 1981, where “it was firmly established that parents exert an overwhelming influence on the physical and mental characteristics of their children during their development” , we should rethink: what is happening in couples?

The psychological implications of the dysfunctional family

Let’s analyze this great paradox. If the couple is the axis from which the family is structured, it means that A well-established couple will be the architect of a stable and happy family, as a consequence of the commitment implicitly acquired by both; commitment that is inherent to cells as living beings that we are and to the human psyche, due to its ability to imitate behaviors. Therefore, the example that parents will transmit to their children continues to be of transcendental importance, since it is from there that they will obtain much of what they need to become a good human being.

Environments where love, respect, honesty, generosity, responsibility, common sense and good communication, among others, will be the values ​​that will articulate not only the stability of the couple, but also the happiness of all its members. This is how, if healthy societies come from healthy families and healthy families from healthy couples, then what are the circumstances under which a couple’s relationship begins to deteriorate and ends up destroying life as a couple and therefore that of the family ?

In this first installment, I am going to refer to some of the causes of dysfunctionality as forms of behavior, and that are inherited from upbringing because that is how they were learned. The big problem is that they continue to repeat themselves unconsciously and continue to cause the same damage in family relationships.

1. Not showing affection, respect and dedication

Let him know with your behaviors that you care about his well-being, that he or she is important to you. Action speaks louder than words.

2. Not sharing housework and responsibilities with your children when both work

It is important to agree on what tasks each person can or should do so that the distribution of responsibilities is equitable.

3. Failure to fulfill the responsibility of meeting the material needs of the home

Prior agreements must be made depending on income each.

4. Compulsive behaviors of extreme order or disorder

Develop ideas that take you to a middle point that is satisfactory for both

5. Not sharing moments of recreation or leisure

Living as a couple means that you no longer enjoy the same freedom individually Therefore, you have to negotiate outings with friends, so that no one feels excluded. In addition, it is important not to prohibit him from going out with his specific group of friends.

6. Not listening to the needs (physical or emotional) that the partner claims

The way you communicate doesn’t help, because generally, these needs are not expressed directly, assuming that your partner who “supposedly knows you well” should know. You have to remember that in your partner’s head there may be a completely different idea than the one you have; Therefore, you have to learn to say things in a way that makes them totally clear.

7. Not expressing feelings and emotions correctly

This is sometimes done using mechanisms such as anger (explode very easily), lying (evade the situation and you generate a time bomb, because nothing is hidden forever), or pride (which prevents recognizing mistakes and assuming responsibility). consequences of them).

8. Do not practice spiritual activities together or separately

It is important respect the couple’s beliefs do not impose yours.

9. Not providing support when you want to study or work

Very often, large number of couples They make the mistake of preventing the other person from developing, frustrating their future plan These situations are very common, especially in sexist cultures like ours.

10. Not respecting the spaces of others through continuous control of what they do

This leads to very frustrating situations for those who are experiencing it and generally triggers abusive situations

11. Not participating in in-law meetings

This selfish behavior does a lot of damage to the couple, who Not ending up arguing about a topic silences it, generating frustration, anger and resentment

12. Not managing money efficiently

Irresponsibility is one of the worst habits that They not only destroy the relationship, but also the family’s economy Vices such as gambling, drugs or alcohol and compulsive spending of money are the main ones.