Couples Therapy As A Tool To Improve Communication Between Both
Communication problems in the couple are the main indicator that the relationship is in a process of deterioration; In turn, if something is not done to solve them, they lead to more problematic situations that accumulate and add to those that already exist.
In other words, they are both a cause and a consequence of the erosion of coexistence and emotional ties.
That’s why, A good part of the objectives that couples therapy sets have to do with improving communication patterns between the two people who go to the psychologist’s office. Here we will see a summary of how it is achieved.
This is a summary of the main communication problems in relationships, and their characteristics.
1. Lack of assertiveness
Some people have a great facility when it comes to clearly expressing their feelings, intentions or wills in a frank manner and without hurting or belittling the feelings of the other person, a social skill known as “assertiveness.”
But There are those who tend to repress their own feelings, believing that expressing them can cause discomfort in the other person ; It is one of the worst ways to deal with an argument or any type of problem as a couple.
Closing yourself emotionally to the other person to avoid confrontations, stopping communicating your own opinions, impressions or needs and losing confidence when sharing everything that worries you is one of the most unequivocal signs that there is a communication problem.
Deficits in assertiveness, a skill associated with the ability to not leave anything important unexplained, constitute a real obstacle to achieving a good relationship, since in any heated conversation or discussion there is an inability to defend one’s position.
2. Deficits in active listening
Active listening is another of the fundamental pillars for the proper functioning of any relationship, and the lack of it leads to situations in which at least one of the people involved in the relationship feels alone or misunderstood.
Both in the context of a couple and in social relationships in general, active listening consists not only of paying attention to what the interlocutor says, but also It is based on a deep desire for understanding and a genuine interest in what the other person is saying, and in making it known through non-verbal language while the other speaks.
3. Tendency to blame
Another classic in communication problems as a couple that can deteriorate the relationship is recurring reproaches.
Remembering problems from the past at every opportunity, or blaming the other person for events experienced and in theory already overcome or using attacks as a defense during an argument is a very negative communication model and can generate, in the long run, feelings of resentment on one or both sides, discomfort, fatigue or frustration.
4. Interpretation errors due to optimistic or pessimistic bias
Frequent errors in interpreting what the other person says They are another of the most frequent problems in couples’ communication and these occur more when the couple is already going through a bad moment in the relationship, in which angry arguments, negativity and conflict are common.
It is in those cases in which each argument or comment made by one of the members of the couple is interpreted in ways that match more with their own way of thinking than according to what we know about how the other person usually thinks; For example, this can occur from a pessimistic bias, believing that any ambiguous comment is an accusation, or from an optimistic bias, assuming that the other person is satisfied with what we have done even though in reality we should be more interested. for his true opinion on it.
What is done in couples therapy to overcome communication problems?
These are some of the main processes in which couples therapy is applied to resolve these communication problems in a courtship or marriage.
1. Putting assertiveness into practice
assertiveness can be improved by attending and practicing through real-time conversations, and improving “ice breaking” skills. This is done keeping in mind the main idea to be communicated and setting moments in which it must be expressed clearly in a minimum amount of time, although taking into account that the other person should not be emotionally hurt for no reason.
2. Development of active listening
This includes both a training program in attention span management and learning those social conventions about how you show attention.
3. Management of discussions from a constructive logic
To prevent every time something is discussed, the dialogue turns into a fight of egos and an exchange of reproaches, it is necessary to be aware that criticizing something or complaining about an event that we did not like does not imply fighting or seeking the solution. confrontation.
For this, in couples therapy We work to help both people get used to collaborating in “dialogue tables” adaptable to the context of each moment, in which a series of signs indicate that both have the will to contribute to the relationship and do their part to solve what is happening. And it also includes the practice of this way of collaborating without giving in to the desire to let anger or frustration eclipse the desire to seek the good of both in the medium and long term (which does not always imply making both sacrifice the same , sometimes one of the two must give in much more or/and repair the damage caused)
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4. Internalization of the other’s communication patterns
It is necessary know very well the communication style to which the other person tends to adapt our interpretation of what they say or do to this This does not involve holding on to a rigid stereotype about how that person thinks, but rather is based on general attitudes, ethical values of what is important to the other, and the degree to which there may be a difference between what that person thinks. and feels and what it communicates explicitly.
Are you looking for couples therapy services?
If you want to start a couples therapy process, Get in touch with our team of professionals At Carolina Marín Psychology we have 20 years of experience caring for people with emotional or relational problems, and our sessions can be in person in Seville or in online format.
Horse, V. (1983). Training and evaluation manual for social skills. Madrid: 21st century. Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of romantic relationships. Santiago de Compostela: University of Santiago de Compostela. Dattilio, FM & Padesky, CA (2004). Cognitive therapy with couples. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.
