What Is Done In Couples Therapy Applied To Crises Due To Infidelity?

Relationship crises triggered by one or more infidelities are one of the most common reasons why people seek professional psychological help. And is not for less; It is estimated that in the average couple’s relationship there is approximately a 25% chance of at least one infidelity occurring, at least in Western societies.

But even though in recent years couples therapy has become more and more “mainstream”, in the sense that it has become very normal to go to professionals who are experts in this field, the normal thing is that even those who have already decided that they will attend In a first session, they do not know very well what awaits them throughout a therapeutic process of this type, and even less so if the problem to be treated has to do with someone having been unfaithful. Therefore, in this article we will see a summary of what is done in couples therapy applied to the crisis due to infidelity

What is done in couples therapy aimed at problems due to infidelities?

These are the main key ideas that you should know to understand what is done in couples therapy when faced with an infidelity crisis.

1. Reorient the problem towards the facts, not the people

One of the key aspects of couples therapy has to do with not focusing on people’s “ways of being,” but on the behavioral patterns that each person reproduces, and how these shape the relationship. That is avoid speaking from an essentialist perspective (for example, assuming that each person’s ways of behaving directly reflect their identity, what they really are), because this way of being things does not allow for improvement and/or repair of damage where possible.

To achieve this, in the therapy sessions, techniques are applied designed so that each person stops taking for granted that they know the other and that they know themselves, to begin to directly analyze the behavior patterns and draw conclusions from these facts.

2. Detect problems in the context

Not all problematic behaviors are well explained by focusing on the individual; many times, it is necessary give as much or more importance to the context in which the behaviors and interactions between the members of the couple occur

In fact, there are not rare occasions in which the main trigger of infidelity and the resulting crisis is not so much in the relationship as in something that exists independently of it. And even when the trigger is above all in the relationship, many times these are aspects to which neither of the two had given importance until that moment, and from which it is not difficult to let go.

3. Seek reparation, not penance

Couples therapy is not a place to go to prove to the other person that we are right by putting the psychologist on our side. In any case, seeks to find a balance of honesty and commitment that has been broken (or that perhaps has never existed) and, when it is not possible, give way to the breakup without generating greater damage. And this involves openly recognizing that the other person has been harmed, in one case, and that the other person has harmed us, in the other.

Of course, it must be clear that in cases of infidelity, it is an essential requirement that before starting couples therapy, emotional/sexual contacts with the third person have already ceased.

4. Adopt new communication dynamics

It is important to make adjustments to the interaction dynamics that have to do with communicating the need for affection and physical proximity. Otherwise, it is easy for taboo topics to appear that only serve to accumulate frustration for not being able to behave and speak normally. This happens, as we have seen, by repairing the damage done. as far as possible and for the reconstruction of the commitment.

5. Examine possible reasons for self-sabotage

In emotional relationships, self-sabotage is relatively common, and many times this leads to harming the other person for not having thought enough about the consequences of our actions. Therefore, in couples therapy, you learn to detect and identify as such those thoughts that can serve as a self-excuse to increase the possibility of committing infidelities. And, in cases like this, you can think about what triggered that thought or feeling.