Dissatisfaction In The Couple And Divorce: What Factors Explain It?
In recent decades, there has been a substantial gradual increase in the number of separations and divorces compared to previous times. According to data from the INE (National Statistics Institute), In 1990 there were about 95,000 divorce proceedings In 2000, the figure was about 98,000; In 2014, the total number of legal separations exceeded 100,000, 5.6% more than the previous year’s rate.
Given this increasing trend, various investigations have attempted to shed some light on the factors that can lead to the appearance of a feeling of marital dissatisfaction and, in some cases, the decision to end the marital relationship. Let’s look at some of the hypotheses studied in this regard.
What influences emotional relationships and marital dissatisfaction?
The defining and common aspect of all intimate relationships (family, friends, love, etc.) is the interdependence Interdependence is understood as the ability of one element to influence the other in a reciprocal and consistent manner in the respective thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
A factor that considerably influences the way an individual relates to others, and especially with their partner, is the development during childhood of the emotional bond with parents Evidence from published work shows that a secure bond, based on affection and trust, is associated in the future with traits of positive affect, empathy, high self-esteem and non-conflictual interactions with others.
In reference to marital relations, the adult who has developed a secure attachment in the first years of life, later seeks intimacy , you feel comfortable within your relationship and are not constantly worried about losing it. These types of people are capable of establishing long, committed and satisfying relationships.
Bartholomew and Horowitz have established a model for classifying the emotional bond in adults that includes two dimensions: positive self-evaluation vs. positive self-evaluation. negative and positive heteroevaluation vs. negative (Bartholomew and Worowitz, 1991).
A person with a positive self-image assumes that others will generally react to an interaction positively, will be appreciated by others and treated correctly, so they will be comfortable in intimate relationships. A negative self-evaluation is related to rejection by others, so the intimate relationships you establish will generate anxiety, inadequacy and dependence. These events can cause the individual to avoid a closer and deeper type of relationship.
Commitments versus freedom
In a 2004 study by Baron and Byrne, the authors found that Most of the marital problems were derived from the loss of freedom of each of the members since, not being able to act unilaterally, they had to agree on decisions with the other member.
As can be seen from the aforementioned study, the desire for independence inevitably conflicts with the need for intimacy in the majority of cases studied.
The end of idealization, the beginning of divorce?
On the other hand, the idealized vision of the other that each member has at the beginning of the relationship gradually disappears, and over time the negative aspects of the couple that previously went unnoticed may become more relevant. Studies show that spouses tend to overestimate their level of agreement in general and especially in the style of coping with problems or difficulties.
That is to say, couples present a greater disparity of opinions than what they themselves really consider Furthermore, the nature of the verbalizations that each member expresses during a discussion also becomes a relevant factor in the perception of satisfaction of the marital relationship.
Thus, within a continuum where the extremes are delimited by the variables “destructive-critical-thoughtless” and “constructive-consensual-reflective”, the most dissatisfied couples are clearly located in the first typology.
Negative dynamics
Related to the above, individual differences in hostility, presence of defensive attitudes towards the partner and feelings of sadness are determinants in the way couples interact. Thus, It has been shown that spouses who express their feelings more are happier Specifically, it has been concluded that satisfied women define themselves as expressive, feminine and value positively that their partners are also affectionate and protective towards them. In the case of men, the group feels more satisfied if they consider themselves decisive and expressive, while also hating the fact of being sexually rejected by their partner.
In a study carried out by Fincham and Bradbury at the end of the last century, the conclusion was drawn that lMarital dissatisfaction is mainly determined by the feeling of monotony and boredom perceived by the members of the couple and that the discrepancy in the assessment of this aspect is a precipitating factor that marks the beginning of the deterioration of the marital relationship.
The triangular model of love
One of the contributions that has had the greatest relevance in the field of the distinction between the different typologies of love has been that made by Sternberg. With his “Triangular Model of Love” this author conceptualized romantic relationships based on three basic components: intimacy, passion and commitment
According to the proposal, all love relationships have the three components but in different proportions. The data suggests that those couples who have the three components equally are the ones who will tend to establish more lasting and satisfactory relationships. On the contrary, If the proportions are very unbalanced, the probability of the feeling of dissatisfaction arising increases regarding the couple’s relationship.
Finally, other aspects that can negatively influence the feeling of marital dissatisfaction are: the perception that each person has regarding the type and quality of the sexual relations they have with each other (Henderson-King and Veroff, 1994) or the negative emotions linked to the relationship. professional performance that extends to the personal area and ends up going beyond the marital relationship.
This situation It can be a prelude to separation or divorce
Concluding
In short, as has been observed throughout the text, it seems that the aspects related to both the establishment of a satisfactory interdependent bond, as well as the breaking of routine and monotony, a dynamic of open and assertive communication or a balance in the components of intimacy, passion and commitment are the determining factors to favor the maintenance of a positive perception of the marital relationship and interest in its continuity over time, being elements that negatively correlate with the appearance of deterioration at the marital level.
National Institute of Statistics (2015): Statistics of separations, annulments and divorces Year 2014. Retrieved from http://www.ine.es/prensa/np927.pdf
Sternberg, R.J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological review, 93, 2, 119-136.
