New technologies make us feel more connected and close to each other, an aspect that can be helpful for couples who, for whatever reasons, have had to separate spatially.
However, the bad reputation that long-distance relationships have is widely known, perceived as relationships with a high probability of ending up failing. After all, physical contact is a crucial element in relationships, and distance prevents it.
Can long distance relationships work, are they viable? This is a question with an extensive answer that we will present below.
Many couples feel great concern when they see that, for whatever reason, they must spend a period of time away from each other. Not all people are clear about whether long-distance relationships can work, and it is not surprising because we are hardly prepared to handle this situation. Furthermore, distance and love are two things that do not go together well.
Geographic separation is something that usually harms love because it requires an important ingredient: physical closeness Two people who love each other strengthen their relationship through caresses, kisses and hugs, that is, physical contact. To date, no technology has been able to send these expressions of physical affection, so distance represents a physical impediment to being able to give and receive such displays of physical contact and, consequently, receive the shot of oxytocin, the famous love hormone. .
When a couple has to deal with physical distance, it is practically inevitable that the foundations of the relationship will shake. The new situation implies changes in the relational dynamics, forcing the members of the couple to adapt to new circumstances in order to maintain the relationship. It is not impossible. We already anticipated that long-distance relationships They can work, but to do so requires adapting well to the new situation If not, the relationship will be doomed to failure.
Factors that determine the success of the long-distance relationship
If in-person love relationships are complicated, those at a distance are even more so. As we mentioned, they can work, but not without investing great effort, being constant and taking into account certain factors that determine the success of the relationship. Among them the most notable are the following.
1. Separation time
The time of separation is a factor that greatly determines whether the long-distance relationship is going to work, probably the one that most Being separated for a couple of months is not the same as doing it for several years or, worse yet, indefinitely. The more time they spend apart, the more likely it is that the members of the couple will consider why they need to stay together.
2. Geographic distance
Geographic distance is another very important factor. In some cases, no matter how long the lovers spend apart, if they live relatively close they can take a trip of a few hours to have a moment together in person. In other cases, where distance is measured in countries and continents or with oceans in between, it becomes a very hindering factor in the relationship
3. Relationship Stage
The stage in which the relationship is also determines its success in the face of distance. A couple that has just started, where there is hardly anything serious, with a very weak commitment but a very intense desire to be physically together, is not the same as a relationship that has lasted for years in which there was already a life project together and where physical contact has taken a secondary priority.
4. Maturity of members
As the last determining factor in the success of the long-distance relationship, we find the maturity of its members. If both are mature people, with empathy, emotional stability and clear ideas the relationship can work.
Characteristics of successful long distance relationships
In couples with long-distance relationships that work, we can find a series of characteristics that are the key to their success.
1. Attitude of trust about long-distance relationships
It is essential that, for a long-distance relationship to be successful, its members cCompletely trust that the relationship is going to work no matter how much physical separation there is.
It is evident that physical distance prevents traditional sexuality. Although it is a major obstacle to the relationship, this does not necessarily mean that the couple will end up breaking up. Given the inability to have physical contact in long-distance relationships, what should be done is to make sexuality take a backseat and replace it with sensuality.
This sensuality becomes a very good way to keep the passion alive between the couple which, combined with sexting or sending erotic messages, can serve as a very good solution to not miss sexual encounters so much.
3. Less arguments
Distance makes relationships become more fragile, so couple arguments become more serious. What has caused a couple who lives in the same city to have been fighting for a day, in a long-distance relationship can become what breaks it. Not being able to speak things directly and clearly in person makes the smallest issue to discuss become a big threat
Successful long-distance relationships know this very well and, therefore, try to maintain serenity, reducing arguments as much as possible. If one arises, both lovers do their best to resolve the argument, trying to understand what the other party wanted to say and downplaying it. It’s not worth fighting thousands of miles away.
You may be interested: “12 tips to better manage arguments as a couple”
4. Common interests
The greater the interests between the members of the couple, the stronger the relationship will be and the more impervious it will be to the threats of distance. Sharing interests, values ​​and tastes are strengthening aspects of the relationship, both remotely and in person.
Problems that harm the relationship
We have seen the factors that influence the success of the relationship and, also, what are the characteristics of long-distance relationships that work. Now, let’s find out what are the problems that can end the relationship.
1. Jealousy and insecurities
Insecurities and jealousy are a big problem in all types of relationships, the source of many conflicts. This type of behavior can generate thoughts of distrust towards the relationship, believing that it is doomed to failure. It is essential to resolve jealousy and work on trust in the couple for the long-distance relationship to work.
2. Arguments and fights
In any type of relationship it is pleasant to have fights and arguments, often the result of problems in the couple’s communication. The best way to avoid them is precisely to improve communication, speak openly and assertively about the relationship but using an appropriate tone and being clear to prevent the other person from taking a criticism or comment as an attack, if this is necessary.
And very important: if you have to talk about something serious, you should resort to phone calls or conferences. Written messages can lead to confusion and misunderstandings No matter how written they are, the tone of the message is very freely interpretable, allowing the recipient to understand it in as many ways as one can imagine.
3. Loneliness
The feeling of loneliness due to distance is difficult to bear and has a very negative effect on the emotions of both members of the couple. To combat this feeling it is necessary to make an effort on the part of both and keep in touch regularly , at least once a week and taking into account the time difference if there is one. Constant communication is the best way to combat loneliness due to distance in the relationship.
How do you know if a long distance relationship is working?
Distance can confuse us but, fortunately, there are a few signs that indicate that the relationship is really working, despite the obstacle of physical separation.
You feel loved
If you feel loved by your partner despite not being by your side physically, it is a good sign Feeling that he loves and supports us is indicative that the relationship is on the right track.
You miss each other
If you want to talk to your partner, looking forward to the time to talk and see each other by video call, It means that the magic of love and desire is still alive Longing is a good sign that the relationship is going well. The opposite, not even wanting to see you, is worrying.
Conclusion
Long-distance relationships work as long as both lovers trust the relationship, talk openly about what they feel, avoid arguments, and maintain fluid and constant communication to talk about the status of the relationship. The time apart, the distance, the degree of maturity and the stage of the relationship determine the degree of success of the relationship. Arguments, jealousy and feelings of loneliness increase the risk that the relationship will end up failing.
