Infidelity: the Second Most Important Problem in Relationships

Fidelity is one of the foundations on which the vast majority of marriages and stable couples are built, so it is not surprising that one of the main reasons why couples demand psychological help is to overcome infidelity. In various national surveys 61.7% of men and 43.4% of women stated that they had been involved in some infidelity throughout their lives becoming the second most important problem in a couple after physical abuse.

But what is considered infidelity? Is sexual contact necessary or is it enough for an emotional union to occur? Do occasional contacts imply a lack of fidelity?… There are many questions that arise around the subject and also many couples who go to therapy in search of the definitive answer that solves all their doubts.

Why is it so difficult to distinguish between what is and what is not infidelity?

In practice, it is very difficult to define what behaviors constitute infidelity, since the permissible limits are implicitly established within each couple according to the ideas of each member, their previous experiences, the customs of the family of origin and to the social context in which he lives. Therefore, It is very normal that what is considered infidelity in one couple is not considered infidelity in another and vice versa

At the same time, men and women develop different ideas about infidelity: while many women tend to associate any intimacy – whether sexual or not – with infidelity, men are more likely to deny it, unless there has been recurrent sexual relations.

To this variability of definition we must add new technologies, an element that further increases the ambiguity of the concept and makes it more difficult for the couple to overcome the conflict. And it is that The improvement of the media has made infidelity more accessible and easier today a cell phone or a computer is enough to establish strong emotional or sexual relationships with someone outside the relationship, without it being necessary to invest excessive time that makes the couple suspicious.

So how do we define the concept of infidelity?

Leaving aside all these difficulties and in an attempt to narrow down a possible definition, we can understand infidelity as all that situation in which a person, in a stable relationship, is involved in intense contact with someone who is not their usual partner In this contact, sexual relations may or may not occur, which allows us to distinguish between a form of infidelity centered on the sexual relationship and another in which this is nothing more than a secondary aspect of the emotional bond.

In the first case, sexual dissatisfaction in the couple is the driving force for establishing new relationships, while in the second it is a more global and complex dissatisfaction that drives them to transgress fidelity pacts.

More infidelities but for the same reasons

The real frequency of extramarital relationships is increasing every day, increasing especially among the female population This behavioral change is mainly related to the availability of effective contraceptives, to the change in women’s social role and to their integration into the world of work, which has caused women to have more contact with people outside their life as a couple and your fear of a possible unwanted pregnancy has decreased.

On the other hand, it is necessary to mention that both sexes present the same reasons, year after year, for starting and maintaining a relationship of these characteristics. Unfaithful men and women talk about the experience of a painful relationship, monotonous and empty and a lack of positive response to their sexual and emotional demands. These statements show that infidelity in many cases indicates the need for “something more” or “something different” in their interaction and in their life as a couple which, on many occasions, drives them to look for what they feel they are missing.

Can you overcome infidelity?

After knowing all this data, many couples will wonder if it is possible to rebuild the relationship after infidelity, to which the statistics answer that only 50% of the time the problem is overcome This probability of survival increases if the man has been unfaithful and if the infidelity has only been of a sexual nature.

Therefore, when considering a possible reconciliation after infidelity, it is necessary to evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship and take into account that not all unfaithful couples separate. In many cases, not only is reconciliation possible, but infidelity itself causes the couple to consider their problems, overcome them, and continue their relationship with reinforced intimacy. Of course, we must never forget that the reconciliation process is slow and difficult, and that it must inevitably involve asking for forgiveness. and forgive sincerely for which therapeutic intervention is often necessary as a guide and support for the couple.

How to overcome infidelity?

You can learn some tips by reading the following article:

“Overcoming infidelity: the 5 keys to achieving it”