While in consultation, a patient told me that she feels alone despite having a partner She feels the burden of working in a job, taking the children to school, helping them with their homework, taking them to the doctor, and feeling obligated to have sexual relations with him for fear that he will be unfaithful.
This is what she said: “You know, I’m so tired of doing everything myself, I feel like he lives his life while I have his clothes and food ready… From time to time he helps with things around the house, but his eldest My concern is that I no longer have the sexual energy I had before becoming a mother. “I don’t know what direction to take, because I want it, but I also don’t know what to do so that he doesn’t leave me alone with everything.”
Studies carried out in Latin America have deduced that 54% of people who live as a couple and have small children report feeling alone in their lives They have found three factors that influence this situation and they are:
Other studies carried out by the Autonomous University of Mexico found that the fact of feeling alone being with a partner is a consequence of:
A couple dynamic that fosters loneliness and frustration
I have found in my professional experience that when personal interests prevail over common interests, the couple’s relationship is at risk of ending
I have also observed that, in turn, judgment, criticism and threats destroy esteem and build the monster of intolerance, making communication unmanageable. We achieved a doctorate in shouting, a master’s degree in indifference and we are professionals in selfishness (we want to be right).
Supermotherhood, on the other hand, is a never-ending tale , because many times women tend to over-consider men or worse yet, we are convinced that they cannot do things like us. And leaving this message in their minds is a way to program them so that they consider us unique in the profession, leave us at the forefront of parenting and use that time for themselves.
The conclusion is that we have scored the own goal of life: we feel alone, tired and without libido And curiously, in many cases men perceive themselves alone and even displaced by their children. Immediately afterwards, social networks and plans among friends await them.
To do?
If you feel like you and your partner have separate lives Despite living in the same space, the first thing you should do is talk to know what your common interests are (including communicating), then write down the steps that each person can take looking in the same direction. And start doing it until you achieve it.
For example: they define that a common interest is dating together again. The steps are:
Distribute childcare tasks.
Leave them in the care of a trusted person.
Arrive early on the day of the appointment.
Reserve a restaurant.
Use affectionate words, avoiding silences.
And Surrender completely at that moment.
Remember to write down everything you will work on together , and for each of them, write the steps. You have to advance through them progressively, and as a rule, it is best to start with:
Have conversations without shouting
An agreement: avoid laughter (because it may generate the feeling of ridicule)
