Have you ever wondered what happiness is? Your answer is likely to coincide with something material, like having money. But it may also be the case that your answer is related to the satisfaction of some objective that you have set for yourself, such as finishing a degree; or to achieve your highest desire, like living in Miami. How nice it would be to get it, right?
But have you stopped to think if you really need to achieve it to be happy? What is the price you are paying for it?
From Maslow’s Theory of Human Motivation (1943), author belonging to the humanist current of psychology, human beings have a series of universal needs. Satisfying all of them would lead us to a state of complete personal well-being and, with it, achieve happiness. To satisfy these needs, impulses and motivations arise. In this way, Maslow proposes a pyramid of needs.
Happiness in today’s world
These needs drive our motivation. Thus, according to this author, happiness would be achieved through the satisfaction of all of them. And, although there are some controversies, it seems that Maslow’s Pyramid is quite widespread among the population. The problem comes when we commonly mistake the concept of self-realization with the maximum scope of our goals and we focus solely on that, leaving aside other needs or motivations.
The current moment we are going through is characterized by the collective idea that “every effort has its reward.” In this way, the idea of constant effort together with the somewhat competitive world in which we live can awaken another similar one: “if we want to go far, we must be the best.” And this is how, one way or another, we begin to immerse ourselves in a spiral of desire for achievement who is never completely satisfied.
A very characteristic example are those parents who instill in their children that a 9 is better than an 8 and that, despite having gotten an 8, they must make an effort to improve until they get a higher grade. And after 9, comes 10. It’s as if we always have to reach the top.
In this way, from a young age we establish internal rules through which we categorize our achievements: important and less important. This labeling and target pursuit could be adaptive because it gives meaning to our lives.
But are we really “self-realizing”? The moment we stop doing the things we like permanently to dedicate ourselves completely to this academic or work effort, self-enslavement arises, so to speak. That is, we have gone from fighting for our interests and our objectives in a healthy way, to becoming slaves to them. We are gradually losing everything that also gave us gratification, such as going to the movies, being with friends or taking a walk in a park.
How can we avoid it?
Some recommendations are the following.
1. Don’t stop doing what we have always liked to do
While it is true that we may like our work so much that it almost becomes our hobby, we must try to have another type of alternative leisure that allow us to relax and disconnect, such as reading novels, watching movies, going for a run, etc.
Not only to perform other tasks but simply to be with ourselves. Meditation can be a good way to rest and can also produce many other positive effects.
4. Plan and organize time
It is important to keep in mind that, if we plan well, we will be able to find time to do what we want at that moment.
5. Accept us
Each of us has unique limitations and characteristics. Welcome them and take advantage of your qualities.
