It is true that in relationships in which a wedding is planned, fidelity prevails above all, but having nerves and ask yourself questions in the weeks before the wedding It is part of the need to think about everything that involves changing your lifestyle.
And the implications of being someone’s husband or wife go beyond the realm of love: it actually means changing your marital status before the State, making longer-term plans, being perceived by others as a person who loves you. They dedicate time to their family, and in many cases experience more of the pressure of having children.
Definitely, There are different reasons why doubts may arise before getting married Let’s see which are the most common.
1. Uncertainty about coexistence
In many cases, getting married means consolidating a lifestyle in which we live with our partner on a daily basis, for many months in a row without interruption. This can be problematic for some people used to seeing their partner more intermittently
In this way, the wedding acts as a symbolic beginning of a period of life in which the other person will always be there. And that means adapting to another life phase, which is a challenge.
2. Social pressure for non-breakup
Doubts before marriage are also a response to the social pressure that is experienced once one has passed through the altar ; Fundamentally, the environment of married people expects them not to divorce or separate.
Although divorce is a legal possibility, that does not mean that being divorced or not being divorced is the same in the eyes of others; In the best cases, a separation of this type generates disappointment and sadness in others, and in the worst cases, it also produces stigmatization.
Therefore, many people who are getting married They don’t just think about their relationship with the person they love ; They also think about the possible impact on their family and circle of friends that a divorce or separation would have.
3. Doubts about whether you are prepared
Both future wives and future husbands often ask themselves if they are ready to get married, in a broad sense that does not only have to do with daily coexistence with the other person. Married life is glorified to such an extent that it acquires an almost mystical status, as if only those who have gone through certain experiences and reflections could attempt to move to that phase of life.
This is partly true, but the importance of previous experience should not be exaggerated; In many ways, you learn to be married as you go.
Because of this idealization of marriage that we have seen before, some people fear the premonitory moments that may indicate that the married relationship has no future
Since becoming married is seen as something very important, it is very easy for many people to relate the idea of the future wedding to other events that happen to them, so that they interpret seemingly banal situations as premonitions that getting married would be a mistake. And this, of course, raises doubts before marriage.
5. The opportunity cost
Being married predisposes us not to be seduced by other people in a romantic or sexual sense, if we follow a traditional monogamous model. This makes getting married have an opportunity cost; While you are with that person, you miss out on opportunities to meet other potential lovers, or even potential husbands and wives, as time goes by.
And, sometimes, the doubt that this idea triggers is: “Do I know for sure that my partner is the best thing that can happen to me?” Not having much experience having boyfriends or girlfriends predisposes you to ask this question.
What to do to manage doubts before getting married?
These are some tips about what we can do to not let doubts before marriage play against our psychological well-being.
1. Give yourself some time and think
This is the first and most important step; you have to search materially situations in which to reflect calmly: parks and natural areas are especially recommended.
2. Classify your reasons
The second piece of advice about what to do when you have doubts before the wedding has to do with organize the ideas: what are the causes of these doubts? Do they all point in one direction, or in several?
For example, asking questions about whether oneself is ready to get married is not the same as asking questions about whether the other person is suitable. The second has much more depth.
3. Avoid Manichean thinking
We must avoid judging our thoughts and ideas in a very morally rigid way; In a person there may be thoughts that are partly contradictory to each other, and that is normal.
4. Consider if you are doing everything out of inertia
Do you really want to get married, or is it all because you have given in to pressure from others? If the second occurs, That doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship Not only is it legitimate to postpone the moment of getting married; Furthermore, it is not even mandatory to get married to show love.
5. Ask yourself if you have done something that involves infidelity
In relationships, infidelities are signs that there are conflicts to be resolved, or a lack of commitment to the relationship that cannot be covered by more layers of apparent commitment (in this case, a wedding). In the face of infidelities, the relationship must be reformulated, and In many cases it is advisable to attend couples therapy
6. Discard magical thinking
Premonitory thoughts must be rejected outright; They are a simple illusion fueled by anxiety. Taking this into account is very important.
